The Religion Of Rejection - And Now That Includes Me (page 2)

konceptual99

Great post. How is your wife with all of this?

Tornintwo

dubstepped - what an amazing, accurate and honest summary of your life as a JW.

For me the characterisation is 'guilt', a constant life of guilt and never feeling good enough. Now I'm waking up Im feeling 'guilty' for passing that on to my kids and making them reject all sorts of possibilities too...

Just for a lighter note, think of that film 'Yes man' with Jim Carey, now all the things and people you said no to all of those years you can say YES to! Thats a lot of opportunities to explore!

On a more serious note, I've just reached out to an ex-JW counsellor, I feel a bit better already, realised that so many people around the world are feeling like me too and its going to take time to figure things out and heal... maybe counselling would help you too?

dubstepped

Great post. How is your wife with all of this?

My wife is right there with me in all of it. She used to cry all the time about her feelings of "never feeling good enough" mentioned in the post under yours. She too grew up isolated with no friends and her dad was emotionally and physically abusive while her mom was an emotional anchor (not in a good sense, but in a codependent way, dragging her down).

I was the first one to start voicing my concerns over some things. She resisted a little at first but it wasn't like she hadn't seen things that disturbed her. She's probably more free than I am now. I have a tendency toward rumination and find my brain going over everything I was taught, every situation that I was ever in, and trying to find the reality of it all. That's where I found the whole pattern of rejection. Honestly there came a point where I just realized that the organization was taking and taking and taking from me and never gave me anything in return but hope for everlasting life IF I could ever be good enough, and nobody can under their standards. From tight pants to impure thoughts we are expected to control literally everything in our lives to the highest standard, one of perfection. It is a religion made for perfectionists so that they can feel right and set up unrealistic expectations to continually strive for. Nobody gets rejected like a perfectionist. They (we) reject themselves constantly, reject others for not living up to those ideals, and push people too far. I've been a recovering perfectionist for years. All of the mental disorders and things that I thought I had to battle were largely rooted in living a life contrary to my wiring and that was ruled by the whims of a religion that changed its mind and continued to up the ante on their rhetoric, becoming more and more rigid and less and less merciful.

dubstepped

On a more serious note, I've just reached out to an ex-JW counsellor, I feel a bit better already, realised that so many people around the world are feeling like me too and its going to take time to figure things out and heal... maybe counselling would help you too?

I tried going to a regular therapist earlier this year and it is very hard to find one that I can see around my crazy work schedule. They tend to keep 9-5 type hours around here. I also found that I knew more about lots of things than my therapist did, talking over her head from years of self study. It was a disappointing experience. I do believe that there would be a great therapist out there somewhere for me, but it comes down to money and time and how many I'd have to go through to find one that I could relate to. I'm also holding to some of my previous beliefs, trying to find what I can appreciate because few things in life are all good or all bad. I did learn some things that I still believe in, and I did have some good experiences. The bad seemed to outweigh the good at a point, but I don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. It is a delicate balancing act to figure out where I actually stand now instead of where I was told to stand for all of those years.

Honestly, just coming to a place like this and being able to express myself and be validated by others makes a huge difference. I feel like a weight was lifted already just from this post. Can't keep that stuff bottled up inside. There has to be a pressure release valve somewhere, and this is a good place for that.

aintenoughwiskey

I'm mostly a lurker on the site, but your heartfelt post resonated with me. I have also lost all my friends. My brother just called to let me know he is shunning me. His loss! I also have a DF brother that I am reconnecting with. It's hard rebuilding your social life, especially when it's been drilled into your head that all worldly (I hate that word) people are evil and immoral. I still have other (non JW) siblings that now use the term Cult in connection with him. They think he's nuts. I have a child that didn't buy into the crap, I'm so glad. I have beautiful grandchildren that I love dearly. I guess what I'm trying to say is try to focus on the good in your life. You have a loyal and loving wife, support her! If your health is good, celebrate that. You could plan for a child if you don't already have one. You and your wife could take up some charity work if that suites you. I am humbled by the strength and resilience of those on the board that have lost children, parent, siblings, life long friends, grandchildren, etc. I wish this community was real rather than virtual. Lots of smart, compassionate people on this site, that I would be happy to associate with. You are not going to believe this, I just got a knock on the door and an invite to the DC. while writing this post.

Tornintwo

So true that posting here really helps. I've only been researching my doubts for about 6 weeks, this site has become a kind of addiction.

We have been so careful about what to say and who to say it to for so long, its so freeing to be able to say exactly what you think/feel and be supported.

Oubliette

dub, you really put things in perspective and expressed what so many of us feel.

I'm glad you have been able to reconcile with your brother.

From here on out you will know that the friends you make will be people that love you for WHO you are and not WHAT you (pretend to) believe.

It gets better, but it's process.

brandnew

People calling, just to say that they are shunning you??????? are you serious???? They are the ones with issues. They're loss.

pbrow

You got out with your wife!!!! Congrats!!!

Get out and enjoy your new found freedom! Go to a new church... or ... don't go to church. Have a cigar, go back to school, get a tattoo, register to vote, give blood, volunteer, skydive, and go to a VFW and have a few beers with some great people. Reconnect with the people you rejected.

The above is such a small list of the OPPORTUNITIES you now have at your disposal. So much of what life has to offer has now been opened for you!

I am sincerely happy for you,

Congrats brother,

pbrow

zeb

My heart skipped a beat when I read your account. I will be printing it out for a friend who is studying to be a counsellor.

Pm to you as well.

The Religion Of Rejection - And Now That Includes Me

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