How do YOU deal with it?? (page 2)

zenpunk

You've got to focus on and fill your life with new happinesses. It took me years to learn this. I used to be so filled with anger. Then, sometime ago I met a fellow XJW who was my best friend 13 years ago. When I saw how the anger had consumed him, I realized I couldn't let this 10 year period in my past destroy my entire life. I take it one day at a time...

MrMoe

zenpunk - I am enjoying your posts more and more.

I realized I couldn't let this 10 year period in my past destroy my entire life. I take it one day at a time...

Welcome to the board and congrats on becoming a whole person. It is going to be tough, but lean on us and the feelings of fustration will pass I promise you.

Amanda

Darkhorse

Hi, I am a "worldly" person who has befriended a JW on the outs. I love her like a sister, and am there for her. She has learned she can talk to me.

bad_associashun

Warm responses such as these help show that others comprehend the feelings & grasp the situation- thanks to all of you :]

Some time ago- out of desperation- I was contemplating a return. As if being punted out isn't disheartening enough, only to discover after you return, you are still mere garbage... I stumbled upon a copy of the 'elder's handbook' pg 130 'Pay Attention to All the Flock'

---> 'Priveleges can be restored progressively when it is judged by the elders that such will not be offensive to the congregation.'

Inquiring to an elder the meaning of the 'lost' or 'prodigal' son [story #86 Greatest Man book] about the return of those to the org... 'father put a robe on his son, ring on his hand, sandals on his feet, slaughtered the fatted young bull- complete party with music & dancing'-

how does this compare with being 'offensive to the cong' when one returns- after all, the book itself makes reference to this scripture being applied to those that return??

Elder's response: 'such a party would be clearly inappropriate.'

yeah. right. whatever.

Not to take up space with further details of other similar related events at the kh during my last attendances, only to say that for a religion that boasts their own humulity & modesty and preaches endlessly about humbling oneself before God, they sure do a lot of self-exalting...'we're so humble & modest that you're not good enough for us to extend mere human kindness or common courtesy to'.

As in other tragedies of life, healing & recovery takes place over time & when one keeps busy, I suppose. This is a great board. Thank you all for the kind words. Truly appreciated.

Perfection Seeker

HI! I have been disfellowshipped before, got reinstated, just so I could "have" my family. Now, with another disfellowshipping probably on the way- makes me look back over the years. When I got reinstated- everyone shook my hand- but were AFRAID because the elders said not to "throw a party" so to speak. Heck, if someone RETURNS, why NOT throw a party? Doesn't the scriptures say an angel rejoices over the lost sheep returning. (Not exact words- been awhile) I did all the work- going to meetings for a year, to get reinstated, and yes, it was for show only, so maybe they knew that, but according to the "elders" I was good enough to get reinstated- which surely means Jehovah wanted me, too- since EVERYTHING is divine direction in the organization, yet when you "come back" the way they treat you- like a stranger- distance themselves till you FURTHER prove yourself- what a crock! How about wiping the slate clean? When I got babtized in 92- right before (Gee, thanks) they said it would be INAPPROPRIATE to throw a party or give gifts to newly babtized people. Give me a break. No birthdays, no Christmas- you'd think that is one day you would CELEBRATE!! Give me a break. Man, only been on this website a few days- and have already made greater strides reading & posting than I have for the past 7 years! "VENTING" to others who understands is definetly where it is at!

bad_associashun

I'm with ya' Perfection, and hear ya' loud & clear.

Yes, the scriptures DO say the angels rejoice over one sinner that repents, and Jesus taught loving forgiveness in his illustration of the lost or prodigal son- however the WTS somehow receive a different message, no doubt thru their 'inspired royal priesthood of elders'.

I have been out-ed twice. Upon return, I was not expecting music with dancing, nor was I expecting the sandals, the ring or the robe- certainly not the fatted young bull. In fact, what I DID get was, much like you, a cold response from those 'standing back' to see how I would prove myself- only one sister would go in the ministry with me.

Fooey on 'em. One day, when I get over the mental distress this roller coaster of religion has brought me, I will throw my own party.

thought for the day: I wonder if anyone has ever sued the WTS for mental anguish, slander, depression, defamation of character...hmmm, interesting thought

Perfection Seeker

People have sued before! They say it is defamation of character to announce disfellowshipping in front of everyone, and that so called ANNONYMOUS talk they give the night of the dissing that does everything but say the persons name. "Sexual immorality is wrong. A person who does this should be immediately disfellowshipped." By the way, sister smith has been disfellowshipped! Yeah, right! Lets throw a party together! I'm ready to celebrate my BIRTH into REALITY! :-)

obiwan

Howdy and welcome bad associashun,having a person or person's that can relate to the experiance helps alot.I have tried to talk to "other" friends and when trying to explain it to them they look at me with a blank stare.I also found that even though there are regrets in the past there is nothing that can be done about it,learning from the past and focusing in the future takes some of the pain away,because you now know that your making a future for yourself that you can be happy and proud of,without looking over your shoulder for someone shaking there finger at you in disapproval.Gathering control of your life gives you power of choice and freedom to think and believe in a life that makes you happy.The past is just that the past to keep looking at it and living it brings you down futher and won't let you heal and make that happy and lively future.

In_between_days

Shun,

Welcome to the board.

I dealt with my discovery of the real truth very badly at first, and did totally the wrong thing, denounced the org to my family with hate and bitterness.

Now they are very wary to talk to me about anything JW related.

After the anger passes (which it does) it is important to focus, like Comf said, on yourself and your skills and goals, look to what you intend on doing in the future, what your goals are, and go for it. Do not live for the present with the view of the world ending at any second.

I did not turn into a major party animal after I left, I am still exactly the same person with the same standards and morals.

Instead, I focus on the things I have always wanted to do and could'nt because of the UNBIBLICAL doctrines of the org. Now I enjoy my life, I can go to college and work towards my career, I can play competitive sports and associate with any nice people I want to.

Thankfully, I have a loving partner to help me through it all, when you start to get over it, instead of feeling anger you will just feel relief and LUCK - you got out, you are free. Its hard to start again, you have to make freinds, instead of having them already made for you, and you have to conquer those horrible feelings of guilt. This place may help you, it may make you more angy, but do what feels right for yourself and you will get through it.

Elsewhere

I come to places like this and VENT.

How do YOU deal with it??

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