having a dark night of the soul (page 2)

Syme

I find meaning and joy in my life mostly by pursuing to *really* learn about the world around me and the way nature *really* works. Since everything that WTS teaches about the world and nature are completely false (from eschatology to creationism), it is most joyful when you grasp for the first time how everything around you moves.

Read science, learn about evolution; read politics, history, literature, poetry; pursue a graduate program (if possible). Pursue those joys that WT has stripped its members off.

Of course I also find joy in other aspects of life that WT had put a "forbidden" sign (of a more fleshly nature); however, I tread there with caution and moderation. We don't want to lose our health, nor give j-dubs reason to say "Look at that one: she/he left the Truth, and now is a failure/drunkard/addict/with STDs" etc.

In short, the things you can now do are a lot more than before, and a lot more meaningful.

Tornintwo

Miss B please know that everyone here really cares about you and what happens to you. You have done so well so far, being brave enough to be true to yourself and your conscience, even though that cost you friends and family, getting yourself into college without their support. That shows you are a strong and honest person and anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend. Keep building on your new relationships, don't be afraid to reach out for help, for example to your teachers/counsellors in college or to new friends, they might not know what a tough time your having. See if you can find some ex-jws living nearby who you can meet with and talk to, I'm sure there are people in the same position as you not far away. We are not living close by most of us but we are with you in spirit. You didn't cause this rift in your family, you are there for them if they need you, you are the bigger person. Who knows maybe their conscience is hurting them and they would like to be there for you too, maybe this is what will wake them up? But don't forget you got this far without them and you can keep going and get stronger and live a great life, you have a lot of happiness ahead of you, I am certain. Lots of love x

TheWonderofYou

Dear Miss,

thanks for your loving regards.

Oubliette

Miss B, I feel your pain. With the exception of your hospital experience I have been exactly where you are.

It hurts to lose your family for any reason; it's particularly painful when they self-righteously shun us because of a religious delusion.

My only suggestion is to begin forming new friends. You can and will find people that love you for WHO you are, and not for WHAT you (pretend to) believe.

It gets better.

Oubliette

clarity

Dear Miss.... sorry about your situation, I know it hurts so bad. Most exjw have been or are there too. Try to see the healing process as steps you are climbing........some steps are really high and broken but keep struggling upward ....you will reach the top where your life becomes normal. There is always the hope of family waking-up as wt gets more crazy & is exposed for the haters they have become.

clarity

SnakesInTheTower

Just remember that WT wants you to think the grass is greener on THEIR side of the fence...until you get back over there and find you are ankle deep in a septic tank overflow.

You are in the right place...OUT of the cult. NOW you have to replace what occupied that time/space in your life with something/someone useful. Or the cult will try to seep back into your life. I know, I was raised in it, was an elder, etc., so leaving leaves a big hole to fill. Take your time, breathe. You will get through it.

Snakes

disposable hero of hypocrisy

I have nothing of insight to offer but that for every person that commented above there were probably dozens like me that just read, unable to offer any words of wisdom, but with hearts full of sympathy.

Just try to claw out whatever enjoyment you can from life, I've managed to find a perverse kind of pleasure just being awakened yet still sitting through the indoctrination sessions.

Our thoughts are with you matey.

problemaddict 2

I'm sorry you are feeling the way you do. I don't know much about your story but it appears you are DF'd? Its a shame that policy continues to isolate people from their families....the people that should have the MOST unconditional love for you in the world.

Its not your fault, and even to some degree not theirs. they are captive to a concept. You have awoken with the blue pill,a nd the world is not as you saw it previously. Not easy. Not easy for anyone. There is no magic bullet to fix those feelings. Everyone is different. But think about what you love to do, and do more of it! Make an impact if you feel that is what is missing from your life.

Miss Behaving

Thank you so much for everyone's kind words. Sorry it took me a little while to respond. I had been feeling incredibly down lately, and I really appreciate all the thoughtful responses and ideas.

Maybe this is magical thinking, but I believe all of the goodwill and well wishes from here really did something. After I posted, I went for a walk, I stopped to get some coffee and strangely I found a person to talk to. I met a man who had been through the foster care system. We talked about how hard it can be to make it without a family. I realized that as tough as things are, I'm pretty damn lucky; to be alive, to be healthy, to not have addictions.

When we're Witnesses, they teach us that it's wrong to have dreams, that it's wrong to want something for yourself. When I left, I didn't have any hopes or dream or hobbies, I just had a strong will to survive and be free. Well, I've sort of got those things but it's not really enough.

So here's my first real dream: Someday I'm going to create a charity that helps people who've lost their social support; whether it's because they've left a cult, or left an abusive family, or found themselves starting over late in life. It will help connect them with the resources they need as well as psychological support. I have no idea how I'm going to do it, but I've begun reading about 501c3's and I'm declaring my major as business next semester.

Maybe this is a sign that even though I've left the cult, I haven't left the programming of needing to save the world. But, I don't really care, it's what I'd like to do, and I may as well put all this trauma to good use.

Thanks for caring about me, and caring about my existence. I'm doing better, the world is looking a little less dark today.

I'm going to go find something funny to watch, and laugh a little. I hope you have peace wherever you are.

Love, Miss B

Tornintwo

So pleased you're feeling better, was worried about you. I think the charity is a great idea, it's not about saving the world, it's about helping individuals in distress, and if no one ever did that then where would we be?

im just shocked that the religion which I thought for 20 years showed love more than any other is doing this to people, the latest 'shunning' interview at the convention just proves it. Very sad.

having a dark night of the soul

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