by wasasister 15 Replies latest jw friends
Hi wasa,
Good to see you posting.
: My question to the board is this: How can I support the needy person without sacrificing my own situation?
What sacrifice is more important to you? Are you going to let the Watchtower yet win another victory over you if you ignore her needs because of the Watchtower's insane and disgusting policies? Just how much power are you going to keep giving the Watchtower over your life?
Farkel
How can I support the needy person without sacrificing my own situation?
I agree with Farkal. I understand (I think we all understand) the pressure you feel not to be shunned by friends and family. But this persons life, mentally and emotionally, is being crushed. To allow that to continue and do nothing amounts to continuing as a victim to the organization and its policies. How will you feel looking back on this years down the road?
Perhaps it's time to take a firm stand and let others know what it is. Then you can help anyone in such dire straits without compromising any 'situation' created by WT policy.
-Joe
Quick point: You mentioned that she was only "inactive" yet she had left her husband and taken up with another man and bearing his child. My assumption then is that she will most probably be disfellowshipped in the future (especially since it appears the Elders were already on the "side"of the former husband and didn't have her interests at heart or they would have mentioned something about his past to her). Therefore, if she is Disfellowshipped you should factor this in because during that time (and assuming that she doesn't get reinstated) she is likely to be exposed to a lot of things that are going to bolster any info that you may choose to point her too, here on this website, silentlambs, H20, WT Observer, etc. etc. and therefore what I am saying is that her likely DF'd status may decrease the chance (and your fear) that she is going to return to the fold and blow your cover. (If I got the gist of what your concern was.)
Turning to actually helping this person, as you have already observed much or perhaps most of her trouble has nothting to do with the religion and so if you wish to help her you should help her to get this non-religious help, i.e. counseling, perhaps medical treatment for her depression, and so on and stay completely out of the realm of religion for the time being.
I advise you to do this part FIRST and then take a temperature check with where she stands at that point. In the meantime and by the time that is accomplished you can see what problems she is having. Perhaps she will have come to her own conclusions about JWs or will be indicating to you her strong desire to return. And hopefully many of these other non-religious related problems will be better.
Then you can decide at that time whether you wish to share any of the promethian fire with her or let things be.
In any case, since she has these other non-religious problems, you do not want to expose her to these other things in such a mixed up state. It will be and is hard enough to get a level headed JW to even consider this stuff so even more so you don't want her to be in a state of depression, anxiety, etc. due to other non-religious things as these things will affect her judgement and you want her to be in the best state possible before you begin to unload the other stuff on her.
All of this is a way for you to begin helping her immediately, while keeping yourself safe (since no claim of your sharing apostate, etc. info with her could be raised), and buying time for you to decide when it comes to the next phase what you will choose to do.
In the end though follow the Golden Rule and also do what you believe to be the KIND thing to do no matter what personal consequences it may have for you. Being a true Christian means sometimes you have to feel the fire a bit.
--Eduardo
What sacrifice is more important to you? Are you going to let the Watchtower yet win another victory over you if you ignore her needs because of the Watchtower's insane and disgusting policies? Just how much power are you going to keep giving the Watchtower over your life?
Farkle and others who might have this impression: there is NO question if I will help her - I will. The question is how best to go about it. Like many of us who leave for reasons of survival, we spend a period of time believing that JW's still have "The Truth" and we accept the fact that we will live for what happiness we have now and face death at Armageddon.
She would benefit greatly from reading the personal experiences on this sight and Silentlambs. It would help her to see that she is not alone in what she has been through and that she can still have a relationship with God even though she is not living by JW's interpretation of scripture. I don't know how best to direct her to any of these resources without compromising myself. I do have family inside and have managed a good relationship with them - a relationship I am not eager to give up.
She is not now disfellowshipped. She moved away from her previous congregation, and although the elders may know of her current living arrangements, they don't seem eager to pursure judicial action. This may be because they know they were seriously remiss in not informing her of her ex-husband's past. She might manage a fade if she doesn't end up in an institution.
I think I have something of value to offer her, but need to be cautious in how I dispense it. Amazing is right: sometimes your efforts to reach out to people can result in getting bitten. I have had to temper my natural urge to nuture with a healthy dose of self-preservation.
Thanks to all who replied. Lady Lee, you've got mail.
Was
PS: Amazing, I hope you are doing well. Good to see...
Wasa,
Tough situation, but lots of good responses.
I don't think you could get in too much trouble pointing her to Silentlambs. He's still technically in good standing. But we know that won't last long, so I'd point her there soon. Tell her about the section called Battered Lambs. If she reads the rest, it's not your fault.
Maybe you could email or print some of the experiences on this site, and give them to her. If she asks where they came from, say you saved them a long time ago and don't remember where you got them. Or be honest and say you'd rather not say, but you think it will help her to see that others are in a similar boat as she.
All I can say is take it slooooooowwwwwwwww. If you spill too many beans too quickly, you may have to just lie lie lie to your elders. Deny all charges of apostacy and say that, in her confused state, she mistook some things you said. It sounds cold-hearted, but I guess it gives you a back door.
Good luck,
Hmmm
still waiting for the email to arrive
