I heard from an old friend today - she is a young woman I knew from my last congregation. I was asked to attend her Bible study because we shared a profession and it was thought we would have something in common. In fact, she was a very shy young woman shy and attractive, but not in the traditional, flashy way of many Witness girls. She was not quite 30, educated and gainfully employed, living a single life after having ended a serious relationship. Most of the eligible Witness boys viewed her as over-the-hill and not thin enough to be good wife material.
Eventually this woman was baptized. She remained rather fragile and seemed vulnerable in the old-fashioned sense of the word. In time, her single state lead her to connect with a rare single brother, somewhat older, a twice-divorced man who had two (so it seemed) crazy ex-wives. They were married in secret, at the urging of the elders, to prevent the intervention of the first crazy ex. When I left off going to meetings, my friend was one of two people who actively pursued contact with me. I did not return her phone calls, nor did I respond to any of her hand written notes out of fear of being accused of causing divisions.
Her phone call to me last night came as a complete surprise. I came home from a long day at work to a rather emotional voice message. She said in part: Ive thought about you a lot lately. I have so much on my mind and would like to talk to you I had planned to call her after dinner, but she beat me to it.
Our conversation was guarded, at least on my part. I am still fearful of revealing my true feelings as regards The Truth. She revealed that her husband had abused her, verbally and emotionally if not physically. After leaving the brother, she was contacted by his first wife who informed her that the man had served jail time for beating their 18 month old child. She (the first wife) had tried to warn the elders of the violent behavior when she learned he planned to remarry, and that is why they advised the couple to conceal their wedding plans. The elders KNEW of his violent past, yet did not reveal this to the young woman.
This woman is now inactive. She has moved in with a man who seems to love her and care for her. She is carrying his child and believes with all her heart that Jehovah will execute her and her child because she lives in sin. Her only hope is that Jehovah will not make her witness the death of her child before he kills her. How sick is that? I only asked her if the idea of a god who would execute an infant in front of its mother harmonizes with what she knows of a loving God. She has often though of ending her life and until the discovery of her pregnancy, has taken anti-depressant medications.
All I could do was encourage her to get professional help and remind her that the elders are not qualified to offer the kind of counseling she needs. I offered to talk to her whenever she had thoughts of harming herself. Other than that, I can do little for her. She is very messed up and I understand only some of her problems are caused by the religion. I do believe she might have been better off if she had been encouraged to seek professional help sooner; and if she did not believe she was somehow at fault for the failure of her marriage to an obviously dysfunctional person. I do feel the elders are culpable for allowing her to marry in ignorance.
My question to the board is this: How can I support the needy person without sacrificing my own situation? I would like to speak with her fianc and help him understand the unique situation of lapsed JWs so he can better cope with her depression. I do not want to risk her having a spiritual rebirth and telling the elders that I guided her to JW.com and the sordid road to apostasy.
Im frankly torn between the urge to nurture and the urge of self-preservation.
Thank you in advance.
Wasa