"What is your ultimate goal?"

by SEAKEN2001 29 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Francois

  Seaken

  You have powerful motives for staying with your wife, and they're all financial reasons. I think one of the things you must address is how much sunshine you're pumping up your own pants.

  What comes across is that if it weren't for your financial bind, you'd leave your wife in a heartbeat. So in essence you're staying in a hopless marriage for money. Isn't that kinda the bottom line?

  Ask yourself what you would do if money weren't an issue? Would you stay in an intellectually and emotionally stultifying relationship?

  How's your courage and your daring-do index? How 'bout make a clean break from it ALL, and move to, say, Talkeetna, Alaska with all the money you can scrape together and start out life as a new adventure? Did that make the breath catch in your throat? Make a little hot knot in your heart? Yes? OK, here's what to do. Go and read, or re-read, Thoreau's "Walden" and then go for it.

  How would you like to be in this same spot you're in when you're seventy years old, and it's too late, and you WISH you'd done exactly what I've suggested here? Living a life full of regret is no way to live. GO FOR IT while you still can. There's another woman just waiting on you, bud, and she's got money, too. Or, she doesn't care a whit for it and the two of you will live off the land and be happier than a pig in shit, um, ...than two bugs in a rug.

  Francois
• 

  Mulan

  Sean, I am really glad you are going to stop the silence. I remember a saying in marketing, that made so much sense to me............"if what you aren't doing isn't working, do something else". Then there is the new cliche: "Insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result." But.........you have to learn that for yourself.

  I think she is worth waiting for. It may not happen, but if they DF you, it will be a clear indication of how the reaction of the business, the family and L. are going to affect you.

  I am REALLY glad you feel better after being here today. Keep us informed about how the new openness works.
• 

  Princess

  I suppose it did look like I was defending you. Didn't mean to, I know you can stick up for yourself! I was just amazed that someone totally outside your circle would make such a statement. Easy to say when you have no stake in it. Your response was good.

  Hang in there!

  Love - Rachel
• 

  bonovox

  Sean Im glad you didnt take too much offense at what I was trying to help with, sometimes I come across a tad brash, but I mean well.

  Incidentally alot of what I've suggested on 'leaving it all behind' etc etc in this and other threads is just what I've learned through countless sessions with my therapist. As the other poster suggested, I would strongly urge this course for you too, it'll help sort YOU out, and that's the most important thing.
• 

  SEAKEN2001

  Hey Francois,

  that Alaska trip sounded pretty good! I would love to see Alaska.

  Thanks for the comments. Actaully, I didn't mean to give the impression that I was disatisfied with my wife and am looking for an excuse to leave her. That is not the case. Like I said earlier, I like my wife and we get along very well. Whatever problems we have are equally my own fault and I do not think she is the problem. I WOULD like to see her get up to speed with me on this JW/religion thing and that is perhaps the source of my angst with her. The feelings of distrust are coming from a baseless idea I learned when in the dub cult. I am still held captive somewhat to that habit of thinking that my wife must be on my side on all religious and spiritual issues. In my mind I now know that that is a load of crap but I still haven't found the balance in my feelings about it.

  The family business is just another wrinkle and, yes, I am concerned that my speaking out to defend those being hurt by the WTS will jeapordize my position in that business. But I am willing to test those waters and deal with whatever happens. In reality the two tings are not dependent on one another. I doubt very much that my wife will shun meor try to block me from participating in the business. Whatever happens there will come from her mom and our employees. They may all surprise me and decide to tolerate me. Who knows? But if I have to move on in my business life I will have no problem doing that. But it likely will not include a move to Alaska.

  Sean
• 

  SEAKEN2001

  Thank you bonovox. I knew you were just contributing some advice and I appreciate it. With respect to the religion I have indeed left it all behind. But this marriage thing is more important to me so I am willing to fight my fears for awhile longer. Take care.

  Sean

  For all - I want to make it perfectly clear that I am deeply in love with my wife. She is no more or less perfect than I am and she loves me too. That counts for a lot to me given that many people can't seem to get along. I always liked those comments from old codgers that have been married for a hundred years where they say something like "we were both good forgivers" or "she was the only one who ever put up with me", etc. I 've never been under the delusion that I was going to marry some perfect goddess and be in ecstacy contantly and for ever after. I am very happy to have a good wife and I'll be damned if I'm going to let the WTS and their petty rules about proper religious conduct ruin that for me. I trust that my wife will figure it out someday, and if not, at the very least put up with me in love. She is a good girl and I will defend her honor. Please don't suggest that she is a worthless pursuit. I beg to differ.

  Thanks to all who have contributed to cheering me up today.

  Sean
• 

  JT

  continued closure on the wt chapter in my life, and today i feel better about myself than ever before- the fear of the elders and the friends finding out i don't agree with them is gone,

  and with the passing of time i believe it will continue to fade not away forever, but continue to fade

  finding peace of mind up to this point has been great

  like i say for me and my wife to be able to lay in bed on Sunday morning in our "DRAWERS" and read the Washington Post from page to page is the greatest feeling one can imagine, no more mags to sell or sales meetings to attend

  LIFE IS GOOD
• 

  Princess

  I want to make it perfectly clear that I am deeply in love with my wife.

  >>wipes brow in relief<< You kept saying you "like" her and get along so well, I was a bit worried.

  Rachel
• 

  Siddhashunyata

  Sean, the dynamics are these: ( 1) Your self esteem is under attack by relatives, associates, and your wife , whom you love. (2) Your relationship with these people is characterized by burgeoning estrangement. (3) You are a good person. (4) Naturally, you have fear. The estrangement is beyond your control and it is breeding a distrust that can not have a happy ending. The way through this is to focus on (1) (3) and (4). It is difficult to not be reactionary but it will help if you keep the dynamics in mind and make use of the help offered to you especially from those who understand these dynamics and who know you personaly.
• 

  SEAKEN2001

  JT,

  so glad you are finding peace of mind. And having Sunday morning to yourself is priceless!

  Siddhashunyata,

  thank you for your input. I agree completely.

  Princess,

  I can't imagine being married to someone you don't like. If I didn't like my wife we wouldn't be married. I guess it's because people see things mostly from thier own perspective that some have taken my comment to mean that I want out of the marriage. That is most certainly not the case. As always, it is hard sometimes to make one's thoughts clear in this medium. I hope my above comments can be properly understood after reviewing all that was said but maybe someone will still misunderstand. That's OK. My wife misunderstands me all the time. If I say these things to her she also thinks I want a divorce, ha! We will work it out.

  Sean