I did something really stupid.... :(

by Eppie 26 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Mackin
    Mackin

    Hi Eppie,

    I totally agree with Mulan, who you sleep with is your own business and on-one else's. Certainly none of the 'dubs business.

    I am a former elder and (I'm ashamed to admit) have had a part in DF'ing people in the past. However, they can only DF you if there is clear evidence of what they consider "wrongdoing" either by a confession by you or (wait for it) "two or more witnesses."

    So, unless you made a videotape , if you deny everything, including saying anything to your sister, they can reprove you, but they can't DF you.

    In a way I'm in a similar situation as you in that since leaving the Borg I've done heaps of things "worthy of disfellowshipping." and I too have family I don't want to be cut off from. But they can't touch me 'cos they have no evidence, and I sure as hell 'aint volunteering any.

    Don't let the Borg control you. Be who you want to be. If you want to sleep with a different guy every night, that's your decision, and don't let anyone tell you that your wrong. I don't for a moment think of you as a "wrongdoer". Sex is not a sin.

    -----------------------------------
    To the world you may be one person,
    But to one person you may be the world.

  • OUTLAW
    OUTLAW

    Hey Eppie,I have to agree with most of the posters here.Tell them nothing!It`s none of their business.Give them any answer that keeps them out of your personal business.They deserve nothing more.They are mindless,demented voyeurs,with no life of their own.They will pick your life apart for sport.Deny everything,including admitance into your personal life...OUTLAW

  • Been there
    Been there

    Your silly sister ;), how could she ever get "SLEEPING" from "KISSING"???? What a suspious mind.
    Deny, Deny, Deny!!!!!!
    I went though the whole process (but I didn't say I was kissing) My grandmother gave me the choice to tell, or SHE would have to. I didn't want her to be humiliated so I told them. I had been out for about 3 yrs. they didn't scare me. They were saved all the goory answers to their questions " I stated I had been out along time, just let me go, and I would do it again!" they couldn't argue with unrepentance. So they did let me go. Actually I was repentant, God knew my heart and I asked for and was given forgiveness. I needed to prove that to no one else. I wasn't going to jump thru hoops for meer mortals.

    Sorry, got side tracked. DENY

    KY Been

  • eyegirl
    eyegirl

    ep....
    i guess i'm just wondering if your sister knows that you're inactive at this point? if so, why would she make you go to the elders? do you still 'hang out' with your old jw friends? just asking these things because i'm in the same sort of boat. got lost in the shuffle when i moved away, not df'd or da'd, but i don't consider myself a witness anymore and no longer accountable to them for my actions. my parents choose to live in denial about my life and choices so they can continue to talk to me. i guess i would deny it. i don't know, tough spot to be in.
    beck

  • Eppie
    Eppie

    Hey!

    Thanks for all the replies! I did not expect so many. Sorry for my late reaction but I was away for the weekend (to my parents) and didn't want to visit this site at my parents house, would just be too weird.

    Mackin: Having sex every night....sounds good heh :) no seriously i want to state to everyone: this is not what i normally do! It was just a one-time thing (until i bump into the next hot guy :) (Elsewhere: where do you live? :P)) and TR for diseases and pregnancy... I was safe, not sorry , so don't worry that much! For eyegirl: my sister does know my situation and is really disappointed in it, but she says she understands and just hopes that i will return when i am older (and wiser :)) I don't have any JW friends, I have found my worldy friends so much more trustworthy; after i faded they never gave me a call...not once :( I saw some former JW friends today and it was really weird. Kind of reminded me of what i have lost, but I have gained so much more. The others: thanks for the advice, and I will definitely mail some of you guys!

    I saw my sister today (but only with other people around) and it actually didn't give me the feeling that she is going to do anything. The best way indeed is to deny, I agree with that, and well after leaving the JWs i kind of got used to the lying-part in not trying to hurt my parents feelings. But I cannot, however, say to the elders that my sister lied, that i didn't tell her anything (unless she of course did lie). I'd rather be Df'd than hurting my sister. I of course will deny.

    I am wondering however what the elders of my hometown will do though. I have talked to them so many times before (i smoked, smoked weed, slept in the same bed as my at that time boyfriend (and i didn't even tell them i had sex with him, only that we shared the bed). They did ask me questions as: when, where and how. But i never told them anything. I never got into trouble though, they always let me go. I guess I was lucky there. About my family: my dad is a hero. He pays for my entire life (college fees and life expenses), so at first i was really afraid that he would cut my financial support. But when i told him i didn't want to be a JW anymore, he told me that he was sorry about that, and that he understands. He also told me that whatever i do he will always love me and I will always be welcome in his home. And even though he sees that my education and life on campus are the causes of me leaving the JW (according to him), he will never stop paying. Me being in college means so much for him, he is really proud of it. He is really wonderful in this situation. A few weeks ago he told me: "Do you have a boy-friend? Cause if you do: please bring him home, he will always be welcome here". And he indeed meant a worldly boy-friend. I had just broken up with my boy friend the day before so I didn't think it necessary to tell him that (not to hurt him). But next time when i have a boy-friend, I will definitely take him home.

    For now I will indeed wait and see what happens. If she tells the elders: I will deny. But I will also be disappointed in my sister. I am still confused though, it all seems like one big game, with me being the only person who doesn't know the rules.

    Does any of you know whether some still JW people read this site? I am terrified that someone will recognise me. I hope (and would pray for it if i still prayed :)) that no one will find out.

    Thanks again!

    Eppie

  • giantjason
    giantjason

    If you feel that you are not a JW anymore than absolutely do not go to the elders. You owe them NOTHING. If your sister tells then she tells there is nothing you can do about it. You do not have to submit anything to thier investigation period. Was there 2 wintesses to this act? If not by jw rules they can't do anythign about it. But we all know that if they want you out you will be out. You know you made a mistake, Make peace with yourself, you don't owe anything to anyone else but yourself.

  • Trinity
    Trinity

    obviously you felt giulty about what you have done otherwise you wouldn't have told your sister. i think that you should go to the elders and tell them what happened. if you don't go to the hall anymore what difference does it make if you are disfellowshipped or not. do you care? your sister will if she hasn't already gone to the brothers. to save your relationship with her, you should be the one who 'tells' annd not put her i a position to do so.

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