JW Zone Application

Michael3000

This is the either the funniest or saddest thing I have ever seen.

Paranoia will destroy ya! Enjoy...

--Michael

From your request I didn't know if you are a witness or not. but will send you the application. Of course you may read the boards at any time, without being a member.
Hello my name is Rita. I want to assist you in joining our JWOTW group but,
because this is a private community for witnesses only, I'd like to ask you a few questions.
1. What is your real name (first and last)?______________________
What is your gender and age?___
2. When were you baptised as one of Jehovah's Witnesses?___
3. Are you now attending our meetings?___
What congregation? (city, state, country)___
Are you active and in good standing with your local congregation? ________
Do you participate at the meetings? ) _______
4. What motivates you to go out in field service?)______
Does service play a meaningful part in your life?) ____
5. What part of this week's Watchtower Study did you appreciate the most? ___
And what was the title of the article studied?_____
6. What is the first song in the Kingdom Ministry for last weeks meeting?
7. What spiritual goals have you set for yourself? _______________________
8. What do you appreciate most about being one of Jehovah's Witnesses? ___
9. What do you love most about your Heavenly Father? _________________
10. If you are studying the Bible with Jehovah's Witnesses,
a. how long have you been doing so? _______________
b. are you now attending our meeting?_______________
c. are you now an unbaptised publisher? _______________
d. are you looking forward to becoming baptized? _____ When?________
11. If you are under 18 years of age please answer the following questions:
a. Do you have your parent's permission to join?
b. Do you have parents or grandparents who are members of the JWOTW, and if so, what are their names ?
Hope to hear from you soon so that you can be on your way to making friends in our community on the web. If I don't get this application back, in timely fashion, (say within 7 days) I will assume you are no longer interested in joining. If you get deleted from the pending list, you can sign up again later.
Please return this application as soon as you can.
With Much Christian Love
Thank you Rita (Jwotw administrative manager.)
[email protected]

SpiceItUp

Isn't it funny that even though I haven't been to a meeting in years I could find out all the answers with one quick call to my mother. Almost tempted just to spy.

Then again .....my mother would think I was interested and I don't want that.

SYN

Well, I'm certainly thinking twice about signing up now. I can feel the brain-deadness creeping up behind me already.

I prefer to just read the boards and laugh my ass off.

They've been digging in the Euphrates Valley and have uncovered a layer of agrarian culture 8,000 years old, and an older caveman culture. Recently, they reached another layer of fused green glass.

Michael3000

LOL @ SYN

By the way, your signature is intriguing. Fused green glass? Hmmm...sounds like a Heineken party in the nuclear reactor got outta control, one thing led to another, and...

RunningMan

I will never cease to be amazed at the irony of this.

Here is a group that spends >1 Billion hours per year knocking on doors trying to talk to people, uninvited. But, when a person seeks them out and tries to talk to them, you must fill out an application.

I think that they should have to fill out an application for every door they knock on.

SYN

Heineken parties before the last Ice Age?

Whatever turns your apple, dude!

They've been digging in the Euphrates Valley and have uncovered a layer of agrarian culture 8,000 years old, and an older caveman culture. Recently, they reached another layer of fused green glass.

Farkel

Would you please forward my enclosed application along forthwith?

1. What is your real name (first and last)?

Baron von Farkula, III

What is your gender and age?

Yes

2. When were you baptised as one of Jehovah's Witnesses?

I was baptized back before they tossed out Jesus and the Holy spirit as part of baptismal vows and forced converts to agree to being Watchtower drones.

3. Are you now attending our meetings?

Yes, I am attending them "spiritually."

:What congregation? (city, state, country)

Leavenworth Kansas, Cell Block 13, United States of America (do you need the zip code, too?)

:Are you active and in good standing with your local congregation?

I have steadfastly maintained 100% consistency in my field service hours for thirty years, and have never been reproved, disfellowshiped, or disassociated. (Whew! It's a good thing you don't have any questions about being demonized.)

:Do you participate at the meetings?

Boy, do I EVER participate!

: 4. What motivates you to go out in field service?

Fear, just like you.

: Does service play a meaningful part in your life?

Yes. I've been providing services to others for decades, mostly females, and mostly loose females. I've very involved in service.

: 5. What part of this week's Watchtower Study did you appreciate the most?

The concluding prayer, followed by the trip to the bar, just like you.

: And what was the title of the article studied?

Same as the week before and the week before that, "Jehovah Will KILL Your Ass if You Don't Sell Books."

:6. What is the first song in the Kingdom Ministry for last weeks meeting?

I forgot. I'll have to ask Brother Steinhaug. He has my Kingdom Ministry and body of elder letters.

:7. What spiritual goals have you set for yourself?

Sell more books, ignore the real needs of others and save my ass from Jehovah, just like you.

:8. What do you appreciate most about being one of Jehovah's Witnesses?

Hearing all the dirt that is going on from the Elderettes.

:9. What do you love most about your Heavenly Father?

He doesn't talk much. I love deaf-mute Heavenly Fathers. They're the best.

: Hope to hear from you soon so that you can be on your way to making friends in our community on the web.

Yes, I cannot wait to find out what your favorite color is, too.

: If I don't get this application back, in timely fashion, (say within 7 days) I will assume you are no longer interested in joining.

Please process my application as soon as possible. I'm sure I'll make a fine addition to your group. I have many things to say.

: With Much Christian Love

You're supposed to say "Warm Christian Regards." Brothers might take your meaning wrong and boink you.

: Thank you Rita (Jwotw administrative manager.)

You're welcome Rita.

Agape'

JW Zone Application

Michael3000

SpiceItUp

SYN

Michael3000

RunningMan

SYN

Farkel

LDH

Quotes

ThiChi

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