Should I even bother telling someone what I think of their parenting . . . .any advice?

skeeter1

The situation: A neighbor's child and mine have played together for 8 years. Her mother is a single parent, and a probable narcissist. Loves designer clothes, Bentleys, money, will not date a regular Joe or even a rich man who doesn't drive the right car, wear the right clothes, etc. Every holiday, she goes to the nearest big city to party with her very rich friends. They drive the right car, live in the right subdivision. Her very rich friends like to party, and she brings the 13 year old girl with her. Now, the 13 year old girl thinks it's fun to go in her godparent's very nice car, being driven faster than twice the legal limit, be offered alcohol at the nicest private clubs, and see her mom & godparents get wasted. She says, "It's fun!" The girl was with me yesterday, bragging about the "high life." My kid is not impressed and told the girl it was being stupid. Last year, I told the single parent that she shouldn't party in front of her daughter, and they needed to be wearing their seatbelt (they don't) when driving with the rich godparents because expensive cars crash too. Last year, the parent rented a limo. I didn't go, but the single mom proceeded to get drunk.

I can see this girl neighbor becoming a heavy drinker/partier. Thankfully, my kid is wanting to play with other kids. I am going to steer my daughter away from this family. I am fed up. Do I say anything to the single mom, or is it just all wasted words?

DesirousOfChange

Only say something if you want to completely lose her as a friend. After all, she is NOT asking for your advice. Nor does it sound like she offers her opinions to you about your way of life. Let your daughter have a wider choice of friends.

Unless your neighbors have a bottomless trust, the "well" (or will -- as in an inheritance), eventually shall run dry and it will be a good learning experience for your daughter to witness.

Doc

MissFit

No. What do you think it will acomplish?

It is not your business as long as it doesn't affect your daughter or put her in danger . If you feel the child is in danger you can always inform the authorities.

The daughter is old enough to put her own seatbelt on.

Just my 2 cents.

Miss.Fit

nugget

You have already spoken to this woman and she has completely ignored you. I suspect that any further intervention will be treated with equal contempt.

Your daughter is unimpressed with this lifestyle and that is a good thing. Your daughter is actually more likely to have an influence on the daughter's behaviour than you can hope to. Peer pressure can be a positive thing in some circumstances. If she has made it clear that she doesn't think the high life is all that and that driving at speed with no seatbelt is stupid then she is already passing on your message for you.

Just make sure your child never accepts a lift from these people or attends the sort of parties this girl thinks are cool.

skeeter1

Thanks. That's what I thought.

My spouse and I are also going to really try to lose the mother. We never go over to her house, but she shows up at our doorstep "to say, "Hi." Ends up she comes in then asks to go out back for a smoke, and it's expected we come out with her. She then talks and is one of those "hard to get rid of" people. Unfortunately, our living room is right by the front door, so it's extra hard to 'not be at home."

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

Do I say anything to the single mom, or is it just all wasted words?

I suspect that you'd be wasting your words, time, and energy. It would be like trying to reason with a hard-core JW.

nugget

If her visit is unwelcome then say "oh I am sorry I have some work to get on with I don't have time to stop right now."

Don't let her in the house and use you old witness training in reverse.

Scully

If the 13 year old is being endangered (being encouraged to party, drink alcohol and be driven over the speed limit without a seatbelt all qualify, as would having all this behaviour modeled for her to emulate), you could place an anonymous report with Child Protective Services.

Then it's out of your hands, and the proper authorities would investigate and ensure the child's best interests are looked after.

JWdaughter

Reporting that a child is being offered alcohol and drugs is something that you should do. The mom won't listen to you, but if the state is butting in, it might be something she can 'hear'.

Don't play elder-report the child endangering act.

If you can positively influence that child, it would be great so long as you can avoid your child being influenced by her. Poor kid probably doesn't get to do anything with the adults in her life BUT party-so that is fun to her. Even negative attention is better than no attention to someone so young.

zeb

Find your kid some other interests they can go to than the tragic- about -to- happen in the other one.

Should I even bother telling someone what I think of their parenting . . . .any advice?

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