That's what's missing from our family

by dissonance_resolved 16 Replies latest jw experiences

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  troubled mind

  It used to be the policy with the Witnesses that the unbelieving mate had the right to celebrate their beliefs in their own home . I remember a Watchtower saying something about 'allowing" the unbelieving mate one room in the house to decorate . Maybe you could research that and share it with the husband . Or if you are like me ....just do it anyways ....and tell him it is your house too ! He gets to share his beliefs with the children you should be given the same respect .

  I understand how shakey it is and you don't want to rock the boat ....I have been there . I started out slow with neutral winter decorations ,snowmen,white lights ,deer. Then it was a very small table top tree (the potted kind you accent next to your door) ,and gradually my husband started coming around until I had the real thing . My situation was a bit different in that he had stopped attending meetings too ,but he was still a believer .

  Something I have learned over the years is that all the horrible scenarios I imagined would happen if I did what I really wanted to do ,never really happened .

  Life is SHORT enjoy every moment ,make happy memories for your children .You have every right as he does to follow what you believe in ,it is not all about keeping him in some kind of comfort zone .

  Be careful of supporting the mind set that the husband is the head of the household and dictator of your life ....it is another lie we were told to believe . Marriage is a partnership with give and take on both sides .

  Well that is my 2 cents worth take it or leave it ! But for goodness sakes be happy and enjoy life to the fullest !
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  goingthruthemotions

  dissonance_resolved I sent you PM

  GTTM
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  Oubliette

  You have a trick situation, to be sure.

  But why does your husband get to have his religion dominate the family when no one else wants it?

  The answer is this: The WT modus operandi is to bully and manipulate. JWs learn to do the same, usually without realizing it.

  It sounds like your husband is not really the "bullying" type but that he is merely parroting JW behavior.

  Consider calling him on his manipulative behavior in a calm and gentle way. Reassure him of your commitment to the family, but assert your right to express your beliefs in your own home.
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  millie210

  Since your kids are so young still that means their imaginations are still active. Is there a way that you can spend time with family that have a tree up?

  That gives them time to enjoy it.

  Also, making some popcorn and add in some candy and go driving to look at the lights. Its a fun time for kds and adults; maybe make some hot chocolate too!

  I love going to the local coffee shop and sitting and enjoying the pretty tree while I drink my coffee.

  Its not the same as having a tree but it is the best I can do for now.
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  Oubliette

  What your family is REALLY missing is warmth and love. Since hubby's not likely to start taking the lead in that area anytime soon, I suggest you make it your mission to share as much warmth and love in your family as you possibly can.
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  sosad

  whatever you do, talk to your husband about it. Go ahead and do it - but talk to him. Sneaking around will break your family more definitly than not talking and worse yet - involving your kids by having them "keep secrets"....
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  Sail Away

  "Now I think he still feels like the rug has been pulled out from under him." dissonance_resolved

  Don't underestimate this insight of yours. I felt completely betrayed when my husband walked away from the organization. We had agreed to "raise our kids in The Truth together". We were raised in as well.

  Once I left, I felt a need to apologize to my children for raising them in a cult. They said it didn't matter, they knew that everyting I had ever done was out of love. Act from love, it won't steer you wrong. When your kids grow up you may be surprised at the things that really mattered to them-- I certainly was!

  Neither one of my kids is particularly into the whole Christmas hoopla, but they very much express the spirit of love and family during the holiday season. Please don't make your hubby choose religion over family by insisting on a tree in your home. That's what the JWs do, and it destroys families. Don't base your decison on the feeling that your kids are being hurt. It is a feeling, not a fact. There are families all over the the world who don't celebrate Christmas, and IMO, it doesn't hurt a child to learn that it's OK to be a little different.

  Sail Away