Jesus to run for record 26th term in office !

by Simon 8 Replies latest social humour

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  Simon

  Sources within heaven have revealed to us that Jesus H Christ intends to run for what would become his 26th term in office as ruler of the galaxy.

  Since his first term began in 1914 he's been unopposed in office despite, many say, failing to deliver on any of his pre-election promises. They point to promises of "an end to death and eternal life for all" as being unrealistic given the funding given to healthcare as just one of many examples.

  Critics say the elections themselves are rigged and in fact no one even gets to case a vote because his father simply declares him the winner. They believe that have proof that this was planned for some time in what many are calling "biblegate" and point to basic UN standardsfor democracy which haven't been lived up to.

  Many of his supporters thought that his 16th term beginning in 1975 would define his rulership but they lost faith when his party later blamed them for having "unrealistic expectations".

  "I did originally support him", says one man who didn't want to be identified for fear of reprisals, "but I'm starting to grow old and now think I'll die without ever seeing any of the changes his promised to enact".

  We tried to contact the heaven party to ask when he planned to do any of the things he promised. A spokesperson blamed the previous administration for all the problems and said it was unrealistic for people to expect change to come so soon and that they still had lots of work to do. "No one knows exactly when we'll get to it", said Peter, "you just have to trust us and keep waiting - FOUR MORE YEARS BABY !!!".

  Many are starting to question the process itself. "I can't believe they are still blaming the other guys" said B. Zebub-D'Ville, "aren't they supposed to have supreme power? His father is very influential so what's taking them so long?".

  The newly formed Atheist Party is attracting growing support and are keen to point out that anything to do with Jesus is pure speculation because no one ever gets to actually meet him. "We just don't think he even exists and it's a much simpler explanation for why nothing happens" said Dawkins, one of their unofficial spokespeople.

  Supporters of Jesus are undeterred though. They don't intend to stop pushing the same message that they always have and trying to recruit others to believe in it all too.
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  Hairtrigger

  One reliable source, from within the organization, admits to doctrinal failure and gerrymandering of the core belief system. Reports of pedophling the legislative process while summarrarily dismissing claims of child abuse has aroused the ire of members, many of whom have distanced themselves from the party. There is definately a left wing emergence to the authoritarian right policies currently in force. Pary leaders ar scrambling to meet the high costs of legal fees, that culminate in hush money paid to detractors who choose to question the validity of legislation that is labelled draconian. Those loyal to the caucus still express the hope that divine intervention will, eventualy, bring order to a belief system gone awry. "Hope in this 'eventuality ', is the reason why we continue to do what we do," is the anthem of their body politic .

  While governernmental heads in Warwick declined to comment on the present crisis and their continued political flip-flop with issues such as intraveneous blood injections, the 1914 blunder with its internecine 607 b.c claptrap, their unsubstantiated claims on the teragammaton which is the cornerstone stone of their worship as well as numerous other issues , the opposition has unearthed substantial evidence to disprove almost all claims, ever, put forth by the party in their rocky 130 odd year history. Recent attempts to stifle the voice of dissenting party members has culminated in a restructuring of the political hierarchy, appropiation of local funds along with comandeering of real estate . Stricter regulations are being put ito effect to ensure adherence to partyline dictates ." The effectivenes of measures borrowed from the middle ages, and being put into effect in the thwenty-first century, to salvage a badly tarnished image , is ,at best, wishful thinking", was the comment of a prominant party member, who wishes to remain anonymous.
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  keyser soze

  This is why I believe in term limits.
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  OnTheWayOut

  I was sure it was going to be an old Mexican politician named Jesus, running for mayor or something.

  
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  Simon

  Does it sound as believable when you equate it to real things?

  JWs believe jusus has had 25 back to back presidential terms ... what do they think he's been doing? The WTS is hardly a shining example of someone with millenniums of knowledge behind them is it?
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  ILoveTTATT

  Ha!! Good one Simon!! I liked it!!
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  purplesofa

  brilliant!
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  smiddy

  A good post simon , nothing the JW`s claim , that Jesus 100 years reign has done for them could not also be claimed by 40,000 other christian religions who base their beleif in the bible.

  For any jehovahs witness lurker on here , What has Jesus Christ actually done in his 100 year reign over the christian congregation of jehovahs Witnesses that sets them apart from any other christian organization .

  Please tell me .

  smiddy
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  Mum

  I'm voting for Epictetus, a real person of great wisdom, also dead.