by TheFadingAlbatros 17 Replies latest social family
Me,
1) I moved to another city for studying very far from my parents home. I went to KH there and I made the minimal work to stay publisher. I asked the congregation of my parents to send my files to the new one, where they don't know my family
2) I moved in Paris to work, without to give my new adress... The file are still in the "temporary" congregation, where they don't know neither where are my parents, neither where I am! :)
Coalize, good job.
DD
Lots of ways. This is my personal journeys lessons.
1) Note in your mind the people you absolutely must have in your life. (wife, husband, child, best friend since 3?)
2) Don't tell them anything yet. Or anyone else.
3) Become "discouraged" over something. If the elders offer counsel, thank them for it.
4) Start missing meetings.
5) Start mentioning small things as the possibility may arise tht you are struggling with to the "must haves" list. this must be done the right way, and turn it off fast.
6) Make sure you use phrases that are non commital.
Some of my favorites are "I'm just going to put my trust in Jehovah and not men".
"I can't teach things that go against my conscience no matter who tells me to, because in james the bible says that is a sin"
"I would not want to hurt your faith by discussing it with you, that would never be my intent". (I use this ALOT)
By now, people will have forgotton you, you probably have a grip on what you can and cannot do with the "must haves" on your list.
If you have no people to take with you, just move. Easiest way to do it if it suits you.
Just move or..... PRETEND to move. "looks like we "MAY" be moving (towns, congregations, states, etc....because o "work", "family", "climate", etc. We will be in the ______area the next couple of weeks looking around for a home. Disconect and change phone number to an unlisted one. For sale by owner sign out front (with unrealistic price). Everyone will assume you left and not even pester you. If you run into anyone at the store (and you didn't leave) simply ask about THEM (everyones favorite subject...then say...oopps got to run!! bye!!
If need be you can always say "things didn't pan out".
JWs don't care enough to try very hard looking for you. Elders simply need a plausable story to explain why you didn't turn in time.
stop going to meetings for a while. tell any prying elders youve been having to work all hours to make ends meet----then ask them if they could help you out with a loan---a few hundred or so---just to tide you over. you wont see them again.
All fades are slightly different in circumstances.
I think a few important points need to be made:
Fades rarely help one keep JW friends. At some point, you either stay active/semi-active to keep your friends or you become inactive and lose them. Fades are almost exclusively for the purpose of retaining contact with JW relatives that can overlook (to some degree) their loved one's inactivity in the cult.
Regardless of who is in and what your circumstances are, a fade is FOR YOU! You have to do something to progress your fade- set goals to skip meetings/service/JW activities to help yourself. If your loved ones won't really tolerate this, a fade may not be the answer for you. Some people manage to fade to the point where they are only attending the Memorial in order to keep family happy. Others can't hardly skip any meetings before family jumps all over them. Consider just walking away from activity if they won't tolerate the fade.
Some family will not tolerate spiritual discussions. You can still help them from the totally inactive position if you learn things like what Steve Hassan's books teach about dangerous mind-control and cognitive dissonance. You don't have to talk doctrine. You can discuss regular life and independent thinking and enjoying life and reach out with understanding and unconditional love vs. the very-conditioned love of the Watchtower.
OTWO said :
Fades rarely help one keep JW friends
That's the point. When i decided to fade, I knew, that I will have to change of life (what I wanted) and of social life (what I wanted less). For me, who was single, and ready to leave parent's home, it was really more easy, because I was able to go away without to look back. It was a chance! I decided to keep 0 friends (because of course, all was only JW) and to start my social life again... Not Everybody can do that, of course!
Be stumbled and stay that way. Have a couple of guilting conversations with a few elders on the depth of your pain. Be specific and detailed so there is no doubt as to your firm stance. Do not be wishy washy. Give no indication that it is negotiable. Stay home here and there. Take your dress to the edge of acceptable. Stop the ministry and turning in time. Then stop attending meetings and all contact...personal and social media wise. Then when you have avoided everyone for a significant amount of time, move. And if you have a particularly brilliant child who keeps being contacted against your wishes, that intelligent child will use their brilliance and say "I'm sorry. I think you have the wrong number." Been out going on 4 years now :) I must say it works better when you are single. My friend has left but their mate is badgered at every opportunity when my friend doesn't respond to "loving" proddings to do "more for Jehovah".
