Whether you say something now or later is your call. The only advice I would give is to definitely go for the living on campus option. You will be much freer and able to live as you wish.
Why can't I just leave?
by Trapped in JW land 14 Replies latest jw experiences
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Fernando
I would vote for moving out first before fading.
Gradual is best.
No sudden bombshells.
Less trauma for all involved.
It is more empowering to leave on your terms, and "come out" when you are less vulnerable.
Hopefully your partner is supportive of a process that meets your needs.
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OnTheWayOut
I don't know anything specific about your relationship with your friends, but I do know what leaving the JW's entails.
Be prepared to lose many or even all of your JW friends if they stay with the JW's. Don't take that personally, as they are victims of that religion.
Do your best to have some kind of family contact left. You can make new friends when you have to, but they are your family.
In many situations, just leaving the JW's quietly can work. But it hinders us from living our lives freely. I am married to a JW with no children, so I can pretty much do what I want as a "Faded" inactive JW. But to get to that place in life, all the JW friends left me. I have a decent relationship with my JW mother and an okay relationship with my JW in-laws.
I mention that because your situation is not quite the same. You lost one relationship because you are not "out." That may be very important to the person in your life, and that would involve opening up to people in your life. If you wanted to be an inactive JW for your mother's sake, you would probably have to have no contact with JW friends as they might "out" you to the congregation and get you DF'ed. If you can hold onto family relations as a DF'ed person, it wouldn't really matter.
Best to you.
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Vidiot
Black Sheep - "Instead of being honest with your mother, start asking her questions that make her be dishonest with you to defend her choice to stay with a failed doomsday cult.Don't tell her anything she shouldn't already know from her own church's rantings and historical facts she already knows, just ask sincere questions that will affect her .... not you .... her, then keep her honest if she tries any tricks to weasel her way out of an honest answer. Act offended if she tries to fool you into changes of subject or any type of bullying."
This can work if done right, but it's still traumatic, and it has to be done carefully and with a measure of planning.
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Black Sheep
"This can work if done right, but it's still traumatic, and it has to be done carefully and with a measure of planning."
There is no painless way to wake up that you have wasted decades and trashed relationships in exchange for membership in a looney cult. We have to take that into consideration when talking to cult members, but it shouldn't stop us from trying. It's not only about them. I've seen cult members trying to recruit from their death beds, an excellent time to show off their faith without having to answer difficult questions.