He Got Reinstated . . .

Hamahead

Hello everyone

Feeling low today. I haven't posted for a long time (forgotten log in details = new username) I'm in a good place with my family now and have built a life outside the religion.

Today I found out a good friend has gone back and got himself reinstated to be able to have contact with his elderly mother. That is the only reason apparently. I have yet to hear the full story.

It just felt like a punch in the stomach. My husband and I were DF'd for apostasy and paid the heavy price of losing most of our family and lifelong friends and I would dearly love to see many of them again but they all view us as evil and not one has been in touch since.

Because this friend was DF"d for a 'misdemeanor' many still 'secretly' kept in touch. They've been falling over themselves to welcome him back.

I'm tempted to keep him at a distance now - the lack of integrity is unpalatable but I'm sure once the dust has settled I'll be able to move on. It's his life. His choice. He must have an iron stomach.

Just venting. Thanks for listening.

jgnat

Does it feel like a sort of disloyalty?

fulltimestudent

Different people have different perspectives when it comes to their problems in life. His so-called 'lack of integrity' would not concern me.

The Christian Witnesses of Yahweh have taught that its OK to deceive the enemy, so now, in your friend's life, he is using their own weapon against them. He has a good purpose in mind, being able to be close to (maybe help) his elderly mother, and that's is a noble goal.

Oubliette

Hamahead: I'm tempted to keep him at a distance now - the lack of integrity is unpalatable

You obviously are taking this very personally, but should you?

How does this person's actions affect you this way? Has he started shunning you? Or has he just done this to be able to reconnect with his own mother?

Being judgmental is a JW trait. We can disagree with a person's actions without condemning them simply because they do things we would not do.

Vidqun

You should sympathize with him and feel sorry for him. Think of how he must suffer, sitting through a meeting, an assembly, even knocking on doors... knowing TTATT.

Wasanelder Once

You wish you could have contact with your relatives but can't because you dont choose to jump through the hoops to make it possible, and they are all slaves to the wrong ideals. You're friend found a way to reconcile his need to have family with his own choice of playing their games. That's his choice, its not a rejection of your thinking. Now if he shuns you, then you haven't lost anything really. Its his loss but then again I would take family over friends any day if it were a choice I was given. Perhaps he thinks he can do them some goog by being in proximity. Dont be so sensitive, its not worth it.

eyeuse2badub

If he's a friend, why would you keep him at a distance? Don"t be alike the dubs and have 'conditional' friends. If he's your friend then his religion should not matter. Do the right thing!

just saying

eyeuse2badub

Justnowout

Because someone dosent do as you do and see it things exactly as you do, your going to shun him.... Good thing you left the dubbies ;)

rip van winkle

Oh wow. I'm sorry you lost your family. Then you understand your friend's pain and why he chose to go through the process of reinstatement.

Be a friend to your friend because he probably needs you guys to retain some sanity.

On the other hand, if he stops being your friend because of his reinstatement, he wasn't really your friend and anything goes.

Muddy Waters

At times, I am still able to jump into my JW head (yes, it is a frightening, terrible place! :) -- but I think I might see what you might be feeling or getting at.

You were, and are, being shunned hard by your "dear, faithful, loyal" JW family And it has caused much pain and loneliness for you and those closest to you now. You know they are being bravely supported by all those other faithful, loyal Witness who keep encouraging them for their fine, strong stand. And are they not a fine example indeed! Look how their faithful stance is being blessed (by whatever theocratic bullshit & privileges).

And so you are shunned, left out, and hurt.

And here is Another family, perhaps not so loyal and faithful to Jehovah and his righteous standards.... Why yes, they are hypocrites according to the standards of this religion!! And they are also not disciplined when they do not shun in the same way.

When someone buys into this religion hard (as I did, and as your family, from the sounds of it, also did), then these are the way of things. And when other families "in the truth" are not so "faithful" or are even, gasp - spiritually weak!! - this is also the way of things in the congregation (and there are always those situations!)

yes, it feels like duplicity and according to the standards of the JW world, it is not right! so maybe these are the feelings you are trying to come to terms with.

it might help to remember there are different levels of belief and indoctrination -- and if the GB had their way, EVERYBODY would be "sheeplike" and follow their counsel!!! And yes, many people do (I sure did!!!). And then there are other people in the congregation who are more balanced, and I mean that word in the "worldly" way now, the non-JW meaning of "balance" which the JWs have also tainted by their bias and prejudice.

in some way, shape or form, this religion hurts everybody, some more than others. I am sorry you are going through this.

He Got Reinstated . . .

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