Please Give Me Your Thoughts On Unusual Elderly Behavior....(thanks)

by minimus 42 Replies latest jw friends

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  minimus

  My girlfriend's dad who is 82 lost his second wife to cancer last October. While she was dying, he secretly was seeing another woman, in her 60s. Long story short, a month after the wife's death, they both moved in together and in early June , they secretly got married. He pretty much broke off all communication with his three children and expressed that he has had no desire to see his grandchildren or great grandkids.

  This past week, he made an unexpected visit to show off his new wife. The new wife is an attention whore and all conversations revolved around her. She told the children that they no longer are "the apple of his eye" and that she has replaced them, even calling herself " the daughter he now loves".. This didn't go over very well with the family. He told them that unless they love the new wife in the same way they love their father, he would easily "disown" them!

  Incidentally, this elderly man has gotten a huge tattoo on his arm with her name on it and his love for her. He used to regularly drink. Now he rarely does so. He has lost 40 lbs. since January. He says he has never felt better in his life. Also, this family was always extremely close to their dad or "papa" and now he barely talks to them if they call, he brushes them off and tells them, he's gotta go! He stopped all his associations in the condo where he resides and has told people that he no longer wishes to socialize with them.

  any thoughts on this? Any expressions would be appreciated!
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  OnTheWayOut

  If you stopped at the secret affair and the rush to shack up and marry, I would say it was pretty normal. We wouldn't want to judge the state of his marriage and he (apparently) kept his affair quiet while his wife was sick.

  But this is ridiculous. Cutting off communications at first seemed like avoiding the booing and hissing of family over his quick life changes, but the rest of your story makes that probably not what is happening. He might be undergoing manipulation from this lady. Trading sex and feelings of vitality for being wrapped around her fingers. She probably fed his insecurities about his family judging him for running off with a "younger" lady. She also knows she only has to put up with him for up to several years, but likely only a few. She might be giving him reasons to leave any money and belongings all to her.

  Of course, I could be wrong. I don't know them as family might. He might be the one telling her how to treat his family. I would lean on the above, but be careful to think it through.

  If it were my dad, I would tell him that Mom is gone and he is welcome to do as he pleases, but not to think that I would automatically love her as I love him. Still, if she makes him happy, I would say that I would do my best to make her feel welcome.
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  Theredeemer

  He is 82. I say that every year you live after 80 is just extra time. So, I say live it up!! If he wants to spend his last years with a 60 hottie then let him. After living 80 years he has earned it. What sucks is if he leaves all his inheritance to her. But oh well. If the grandkids ask about granpa just say "grandpa is on vacation".

  You could sit there and blame this lady, but its ultimately up to papa. Family needs to let him be and, as long as he is not physically hurting himself or others, then he has every right to do what he wants. He did his job as dad and now its party time! Again, every year that comes might be his last. Yes, when all is said and done, he might regret it but that's his problem.

  My two cents.
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  undercover

  Does the gentleman have money? My first impression was that the new girlfriend is a golddigger and is looking to alienate him from family, angling for his entire estate upon his death. The only thing that puts a hole in that theory is that he is improving his health by losing weight and cutting back on drinking.
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  WingCommander

  1.) He may be having the time of his life boinking a much younger woman.

  2.) He's quit drinking, AND lost 40 lbs! Oh my, he must be at death's door!! lol.

  3.) There may be reasons he is sick of his children. Maybe they were ungrateful, or didn't approve of him replacing "mom" so soon. He hasn't got time for that BS drama at his age, so told them to bugger off if they don't like it.

  4.) Tattoo? This woman is The Debil!!!

  5.) How hot is she?

  6.) How loaded is he?

  7.) This man apparently has taken the "blue pill", several times in fact! Yee-haa!!

  - Wing Commander
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  Separation of Powers

  Fear of death is an interesting thing. Many elderly men start manifesting wierd behaviour. They question their beliefs, they question their choices, they question their feelings and the seven-year-itch may not reveal itself until they are quite elderly.
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  Separation of Powers

  Fear of death is an interesting thing. Many elderly men start manifesting wierd behaviour. They question their beliefs, they question their choices, they question their feelings and the seven-year-itch may not reveal itself until they are quite elderly.
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  prologos

  W.C. No. 3 is a possibility, long standing issue.-- 80/60 is not a big difference. If it would be 80/40 there would be real enticement, possibility of REAL action, new children. Loosing 40 pounds? the lady is not known for her culinary skills.

  Why does she not hook up with a guy 40-50 year old?

  Who is the emotional one here?
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  NewYork44M

  Does he have money? At 82, there is not many years left, so there needs to be a serous discussion about the distribution of wealth. If there is not much, then there is not much to discuss.
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  keyser soze

  I once saw an elderly person driving a small car and using their turn signal. I thought that was kind of unusual.