http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/277373/1/Newcomers-to-TTATT-Beware-of-New-Study-Mode
You're not a newcomer, being out for 10 years, but I think the above applies.
Your loved ones authentic selves’ are trapped by the cult identity. The best approaches to helping them can be found in Steven Hassan’s books, starting with Combatting Cult Mind Control.
Think of it this way: Imagine a person shot with a poisoned arrow. Before you can start to remove the poison, you have to remove the arrow. If you tried withdrawing the poison first, you would meet with failure. The arrow is the undue influence of the cult, the indoctrination. It isn’t easily removed.
Of course, the answer isn’t “do nothing”, but there is no silver bullet cure that works for everyone. Therefore, use extreme caution. It’s a difficult task to remove the arrow of undue influence.