Failure

by backformore 18 Replies latest jw friends

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  WingCommander

  1.) You speak as though you don't already have (2) children? I'd hate to be them and come across this post. Appreciate what you have, instead of bitching about what you don't have.

  2.) My wife had her tubes tied at 34, during c-section of her first child. She met me at 38, and we married when she was 40. She had her tubes "un-tied" because she knew I wanted a child of my own. She had our son at age 41. (successful honeymoon for sure!) She has an Aunt that is younger than her. Think about that! 40 is not the end of the world for a woman, IF she is in good health. Neither of you sound like you are in athletic condition, so maybe you should concentrate on the children you have?

  3.) Imagine how hard life would be for the youngest child if you died while they were young? I'm 17 years younger than my wife, so she doesn't worry about our son cause I'm the younger one and built like a bodybuilder. (cause I eat and train like a mother freakin' BEAST)

  - Wing Commander
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  clarity

  Backformore...hello, ...while I understand babyfever,

  I think you may be in denial of your reality.

  Facts are hard to accept sometimes, especially when

  it points to a loss of youth. It might not be a case of

  losing out on another child!

  A couple of facts that you have given us, is that

  you do have two lovely healthy children already and.....

  "I have been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, celiac disease, and renal failure. My wife had breast cancer at 30"

  *

  Your decision of course........... only my 2 cents!

  clarity
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  goingthruthemotions

  I work with a guy who got the V....subsequently he got divorced and meet another women. After a while she wanted kids and knowing he was fixed he went and got it reversed. Happy to say not much longer after that they had a child and then another.

  it is possible and time keeps going. Children are a blessing....Jesus loves kids. If you have a family, the biggest and best thing you could do is keep them away from WTBTS. Teach them about Jesus.

  Shalom.

  GTTM
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  aintenoughwiskey

  I'm a lurker, and had to repond to this thread. I'll post my story some other time. To backformore, have you ever considered foster care? It would give you a feel for adoption without the comittment. It may even lead to adoption? Above all love the children you have, before long if all goes well they will give you grandchildren.
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  Daniel1555

  You and your wife did not Fail!

  You have 2 wonderful children. You are together as a family. You and your wife love each other. You are not stuck in WT land. You and your wife, why don't you concentrate all your love and strength for your 2 already existing wonderful children who deserve your FULL attention, care and love?

  Just some thoughts from a father of 1 son, after reading your post.
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  LisaRose

  You need to take a deep breath and think about your situation. You can start with being grateful to have two happy and healthy children, there are people out there that would love to have that. Stop obsessing over the fact that you think you missed your children's youngest years, you were there, you didn't miss it. Look at them now and enjoy their life now, that will do more for them than mourning their babyhood.

  You and your wife need to focus on something other than having a baby. You know in vitro is not right for her, and its very expensive, so stop thinking about it. If you can open your heart and home to an older or special needs child, then do that, if not then I think you should make a conscious decision to learn to love the family you have, not the one you think you should have.
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  SAHS

  To “backformore”: Just a general principle that comes to my mind is that old saying, “One in the hand is better than two in the bush” (probably relating to catching birds). It all boils down to playing the odds. The given known is that you have your wife and two children right now and everything seems more or less “okay” for you and your family. Spin the wheel of chance and it lands on a third child by invetro fertilization, and there could be devestating problems with your wife and/or whatever baby which the process might produce. Or, spin the wheel and it lands on a third child by adoption, and there could likewise be some kind of unfortunate problems and grief, either now or later. Or, spin the wheel and it lands on a third child by an interim arrangement of foster care through some family services agency. Again, there could be some unforseen problems and grief, but more on a trial basis than a permanent arrangement. Still, none of the options which that wheel of chance could land on have any guarantees of absolute or worry-free “success.” Again, it’s basically a matter of playing the odds.

  If I were you, not being any kind of a gambling man myself, I would only proceed with the utmost caution and patience. You could keep spinning that wheel of chance, but you know that you could always simply take what you have right now – which seems to me, from your above post, to be quite “okay” and desirable indeed. Above anything else, just make sure that you and your family enjoy whatever you have right at this moment, and try not to agonize or worry unnecessarily. Above all, just bask in the happiness, contentment, and gratitude which is tangibly possible right at this very moment.

  Take care. Best wishes for you and your family.
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  Gustv Cintrn

  Backformore,

  "My wife and I have two kids. My wife has really gotten baby fever. This just sucks!"

  Wow! You guys' cognitive dissonance is as bad as a JW stuck inside! Do you not realize the problems you're creating for yourselves, your lives, your marriage, your kids???!!!

  The massive amount of stress, disappointment, financial stress, a mess, a total and all over mess!!! All manufactured by your troubled selves!!!!!!!!!!

  What is this vicious cycle I observe on several posters of this board? It appears that not until their lives is made a horrible mess, by their own making, are they really content! WOW!!!

  Unbe-freaking-lievable!!!

  Hey, how about reading the topic on that person that's divorcing her husband of 13 years; look it up by clicking on 'Active Topics'. Perhaps by reflecting on the fact that this can be your situation down the line if you keep up this craziness may help you in someway.

  Go to a shrink, a social worker , a marriage counselor, your pastor, whomever; you all need help, but not the kind you're searching for.

  This "baby fever/biological clock/baby envy" women go through can be waited out as it goes away with time. It's a biological thing with the woman's body and psyche; having a baby is not the solution. Very possibly this very thing exacerbates the problem.

  May you and your family find happiness and conformity in your current situation, in what 'is' and not what 'could be'.

  GC
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  Quandry

  I agree with Daniel.

  Concentrate on the wonderful family that you have. A wife and children is omething many only dream about having. Get active with your children. Take the family camping, on a vacation, picnic, or just do things together. Make your children, no matter what age, feel special and appreciated, instead of viewing them as "not enough," especially as you admit you did not do enough with them when they were young. Don't look back and miss any more time!