Female Perspective about WTS, marital relationship & control

by Muddy Waters 30 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Vidiot

    Emasculating men whilst demanding that women defer to them, all the while insiting that they'll be happy if only they'd do so.

    Only in Watchtowistan.

  • Naoscillator

    What a post, Muddy Waters. Being still in, an MS and knowing TTATT i can only hope my efforts to wake up my wife result in her one day being able to look back and say what you said. Right now I can strongly attest to control she has with the full force of the org. behind her. As soon as I make some progress with her with a little nugget of TTATT, someone in a headship-circumventing way encourages her about US pursuing some Spiritual Goal and it's all undone. Then she's all gung-ho about that new spiritual milestone. And wonders why I am not. Anyway, thank you. Your perspective and the 180 degree shift you've experienced gives me hope.

  • AlwaysBusy

    Muddy Waters...thank you for your post. You know, you're past behavior toward your husband and others, it seems, was very much like the Watchtower's creation. But the woman you have become, sounds more like the bible's version of a good wife (t hat's a compliment, by the way :) .

  • BU2B

    Wow muddy waters, what a great post. I agree with everything you said, and enjoyed the perspective from the other side. I am living it right now as that husband, walking a tightrope.

    Even little, small things are irritating like seeing a great movie that I know my wife would love, yet not being able to watch it with her because she wont watch a "r rated" movie.

    I fear stopping going to meetings all together because I cant handle all the stress and turmoil at home, so for now I am just floating along, doing as little JW related as humanly possible and trying to build my marriage up. Trouble is, I have to fight feelings of resentment that creep up because I feel I am not in control of my life or my kids life. I feel she is, and I resent that. Sometimes I feel the flight or fight instinct and have a overwhelming urge to run away and see the world, join the coast guard, peace corp or anything to take me away from anything JW related, my wife, my parents. The only thing holding me back is my kids. I cannot leave them in the hands of religious fanatics. At least with me there they will have a moderating, common sense imput in their lives that will teach them to think independently and critically, skills they likely would never gain without me in the picture.

  • _Morpheus
    Bu2b just summed up my life as well.
  • Muddy Waters
    Muddy Waters

    My goodness, I can't believe that 3 years have gone by since I posted this... and still appreciating - and living - the insights I've gained into my relationship with my husband (still the dearest and most wonderful man in the whole world) :) :) :)


    BU2B and Morpheus, I hope your life has improved or become more tolerable, such a difficult situation --

    I have read loved and pondered and read everyone's comments over and over in different time frames since first writing this, but it becomes difficult sometimes to post into words all the feelings in my heart again (definite need to zen-out/re-charge/ and continue to LIVE and grow and learn and be encouraged by all the fantastic things in life) but perhaps I should have taken the time to personally respond to all of you who have responded so kindly and candidly as well to my post. *thank you*


    However, feel like I'm still struggling in my relationship with our daughter... our relationship feels so adversarial at times... it seems all the insights I gained in respect to my husband, I have not quite applied to my relationship with our dear daughter.

    I think there is still some "residual JW-ness" in me - ugh - and again, feel like I've gotten yet more insights and revelations into the awful ways WT still skews with and messes with a person's perspectives and relations and attitudes....

    for example, the sneaky way -- for those who are CONVERTS or who have "come back" -- that the WT CHANGES YOUR WHOLE PERCEPTION OF YOURSELF REGARDING YOUR LIFE AS A PRE-JW

    (which I talk about here, if anybody is interested: https://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/5196879740534784/another-mind-boggling-healing-revelation-today-journey-out-this-goddam-cult )

    And for me, that perception has *still* sadly been affecting my relationship with our only daughter. :(

    -- it really does take awhile to get rid of the JW-goddam-personality --

    - Muddy

  • Muddy Waters
    Muddy Waters

    Am still feeling so thankful for the person that my husband is.

    He doesn't "ponder over these things" (heh) the way I do....

    He "lives and lets live"...

    "flow with the blows"....


    and just be:

    living and loving,

    working and being....

    ... his wonderful self.

    I continue to be grateful :)

    (haha, meaning: am trying to make "better wrinkles" for my face) :)

  • EdenOne

    Wow, I so wish I had seen this post three years ago ... :)

    I was that husband you described and my wife was just as you described. Just like in "Killing Me Softly", reading through your post was like reading the chronicles of my JW marriage. Thank you for your insight.

    Thankfully, at the end of the day my whole household exited the cult, but not without a lot of turmoil and grieving in between, and a lot of it is condensed in your words. YES, many JW husbands are cuckolds, because their spouses' prime loyalty is towards the Organization, and they are the GB's inside agent within the household to keep the hubby in check.

    I couldn't have written it better if I wanted. Bravo and thank you.

  • smiddy

    That was a great post muddy somehow i missed it 3 years ago.My wife and I were converts in our late teens and spent the next 33 years under the control of the cult.

    However we have now both been out since 1993 now 24 years ago.

    And believe me things do get easier as time passes.

    Dont fret too much about you and your daughters relationship these issues occur religion or no religion,they have minds of their own and need to live the life they choose and bear the consequences of wrong decisions or benefit from the right decisions they make .

    Thats what makes us human and Adults.

  • Muddy Waters
    Muddy Waters

    Hi everybody.... looking over my old post about my previous JW “personality” and perspective, and am now SO GLAD AND REFRESHED to be out and FAR AWAY from that horrible, smug, self-righteous JW mindset/headspace.

    I can’t believe how superior you become in your own mind and how discompassionate you feel toward other people when you believe you have the ultimate “truth” and the only correct (“accurate”) knowledge. It makes me feel like I can understand other extremist groups like ISIS or Nazism, etc., and how they can be so unbending and self-righteous in their beliefs. It makes me wish that there is no religion at all any more, as I now see religion to be a system which divides and separates us from connecting with each other.

    Am happy to update and report that husband and I are happier than ever, exploring the freedom to be ourselves, to become the real, wonderful, AUTHENTIC people we were born to be, and loving every moment of this precious intellectual freedom.


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