shunning within the family.

by bigmac 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • bigmac

    i'm giving 3 examples of this practice--that i know of personally.

    my first wife--born in--divorced me over 30 years ago. she totally shuns our son--now 38--d/f'd and now happily married and enjoying life to the max.

    my pioneer partner--from the mid 60's-----he totally shuns his daughter---to the point of even ignoring her in the street.

    a close friend of mine--in the 60's and 70's-----i was best man at his wedding. they waited many years before starting a family. but he shunned his daughter---and she then emigrated from the UK to australia.

    which raises the point---given the high percentage of born in jw kids that quit the cult---------is it really worth staunch dub-couples having kids in the first place ?

  • Jeannette

    Back in the 70's they used to have talks about not having children in this system because blah, blah, and blah. The teachings that they have more and more make me think of Communism and Marxism. Think about it. Don't have children, and if you do have children and they don't love "Jehovah", (who is my opinion is a ficticious god), then don't speak to them till forever if necessary. Separate the family-is this not Communistic teachings? Where is the love?

  • WingCommander

    Wow......the "Christian Love" shown by these posuers is ASTOUNDING.

    - Wing Commander

  • sillygirlforgotpassword

    Haven't posted in forever but HAD to respond to this.

    I lived with my family until I was 26 or 27. My older sister who lived in the same house, we even shared a room for some time, stopped talking to me when I was 17. She did it after a fight over something silly, but made it because she discovered I was having a double life, having a boyfriend and all. She just stopped talking to me. 10 whole years, she ignored me in the house, in our room, even when we were at the meetings. If I ever walked into a her with a group of sisters or brothers that was chatting about something random - she would walk away from the group as soon as I started to speak. It was so obvious, she didn't even try to hide it. Maybe she didn't like the sound of my voice or didn't want to hear what I had to say. My parents supported her because they too knew of my double life. They said she was following Jehovah's rules on shunning. My little brothers followed suit. Relatives (non-jw) would wonder why my other siblings joked and hung out together, I was always ignored. It was torture going to meetings with them in the same car, torture staying the same house. But I felt I deserved the treatment because of my concealed sins. I was never disfellowshipped, but the family took it on themselves to mete their own shunning treatment because they suspected I was up to no good.

    I did live a very double life. At times I did honestly try to turn around and change and be the perfect witness but the shunning from the family reinforced my need for outside companionship and love, and thank goodness that in the end was one of the primary things that led me to the path of finding out the real truth about the truth.

    Things are better between me and sis now. Time and distance (especially) has helped matters. We're not best friends, but we chat on whatsapp now and then. She's always looked out for me in her own way and I know I should be grateful for that, but the outright shunning has already done its damage. She's a missionary now, pioneering in a 3rd world country. Yesterday she asked me on whatsapp how many tracts I placed for the campaign. She's only chatting with me because she has no idea I'm not going to the meetings.

    What a twisted world we live in. My own sister wouldn't talk to me when I lived home. I yearned for her acceptance, I yearned for her to just like me, talk to me, not walk away from a group the minute I joined it. And now that I have some of it I am pretending to be someone I'm not in the fear that I will lose her very conditional love.

    Conditional love. From your own family. I can't wait to have my own children and break this cycle. Shunning ends with me.

    Thank you for letting me write this :)

  • clarity


    #1. You have an equal right to post on here as

    everybody else! No shunning here.

    Thank you for sharing your information, hope

    to see you again. Congratulations on

    waking-up from this damaging cult, and

    wishing you all the best!

  • Onager

    sillygirlforgotpassword, what you've described is abuse. I am so sorry that there are humans in this world who treat other humans this way. They're not all like that, honest. I hope you meet some crackers in your future!

  • likeabird

    My parents shun me. Ironic thing is I never told them I left, didn't even told them I'd faded.

    And if they ever did get some hint of it from somewhere, they never even tried to check things with me.

    Nope, it was straight down Shun Lane for them. Go figure!

    SG - so sorry for what you went through. Having someone/somewhere we can write out our experiences, while extremely painful, can also be quite therapeutic.

  • just fine
    just fine

    I am running into this right now. I left many years ago and was never DF. But now a relative of mine is DF and I won't be a part of the shunning. This has infuriated my family members. I recently had a big blow up with my family because I told them that I choose love and shunning is not loving. I was told that because I refuse to shun the DF person I am "ruining" the lesson that DF'ing is supposed to teach. I haven't stepped foot in a KH in more than 15 years - so why on earth would I shun someone who left? The craziness never ends. The whole family has turned on this DF relative - and have done some terrible things in the name of this religion.

    On the up side our non-jw family and the community that they live in have seen for themselves the hateful and hurtful nature of this. The JW's have given their own anti-witness to alot of people.

  • jgnat

    There are so many shades of stupid. No JW's in my family, but shunning goes on anyways. There was a family crisis and I put the call out to my sister and brother. I haven't talked to my brother in over nine years.

    Then I hear that my brother spent a whole sixty seconds on the phone to one of his sons to pass on the news (the non-approved one) and my poor nephew is heartbroken. He told his wife he "has no dad, no brother".

    This young man is outgoing, smart, engaging, and hard working. He is married with two wonderful children.

    I am so angry about it I want even less to do with my fool of a brother. Here's a picture of my brother:


  • bigmac

    how many more lovely familes are going to be torn apart by this disgusting cult?

    i wish i could live long enough to see it collapse.

Share this