So Are All Your Problems Brooklyn's Fault Then?

by Englishman 32 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  teenyuck

  I, personally, do not have many problems. I have a great life. I do not have many friends as a result of the upbringing, however, that makes holidays cheaper!

  Learning to trust and open up will be a life time battle. Knowing that, I figure I am already better. (I hope that makes sense)

  On the other hand, I see the continuing problems my mother has with her family (due to her rejection of her non-jw sister's fornication, about 30 years ago) due to WTBTS dogma. However, as noted above, it is her choice to remain in the religion and abide (or not) by their rules.

  Problems in life are intertwined. It is hard to separate one from another. For instance, if my car breaks it is not WTBTS's fault. My family was broken up as a result of their rules and this I blame them for. It is an ongoing problem.
• 

  Duncan

  E-man,

  Simon got it about right:

  they are not responsible for all of our problems, just some of them

  
  - and of course, among the various participants of this board, there is a huge variability. Some people - I'm lucky enough to be one of them - are hardly affected at all by the Watchtower in their daily lives, and people like me come here and read and post for recreational/amusement purposes.

  But for others, the Watchtower is absolutely ruining their lives, dividing their families, causing pain and heartache - even endangering lives (I'm thinking of the blood issue).

  It is no wonder passions run a bit high sometimes, and it isn't right for anyone to sneer at those people for being "losers" or being "unbalanced" or whatever when they come on this Board to vent, or cry or bleed or seek support from those who might understand and sympathise.

  Duncan
• 

  Amazing

  Hi Englishman: JanH is correct to the extent that some do over-blame the Watchtower regrading all their ills. Yet, I think that JanH comments may be seen as a generalization.

  What is taking place is that more and more ex-JWs are coming on line. As a result, many of these new ex-JWs are still in the 'discovery phase' of their exit experience. The shear volume of posters makes it seem like there is some large 'angry crowd' who blame the Watchtower for every thing.

  Two things that are apparant to me, and many others:

  1. The Watchtower DID impact far more of our lives and to a deeper extent than many of us initially realized. So, after a few years of discovery, it seems like our past JW beliefs are still unraveling and emerging to our dismay; that is, just as we think we have gone over everything, someone posts a point or we find an issue that brings us back to a point of more growth.

  2. I also believe that many, maybe even the majority, of JWs often put-off and do not deal with life's issues, emotional disruptions, and demands as they might were they never JWs. An example is openly expressing 'grief' when a loved one dies. Jws often stunt this process, and the emotions do not heal, just get buried. Sometimes, JWs have financial problems, and fail to plan ahead because they believe that Armageddon will cure their struggles.

  Then, when a JW exits the religion, reality hits them in the face, and forces them to deal with it head on. This can be most disturbing to adjust to, and learn certain lessons that could and should have been learned years, and maybe decades earlier. So while the Watchtower is not 'directly' at fault for these ills, the new ex-JW may feel like the Watchtower is to blame. It takes time to get balance and see where the Watchtower ends and real life begins.

  While I enjoyed and agreed with much of JanH post, I get the feeling that while he sees anger and radical behavior on JWD, he misses the fact that many angry, and at times radical people, left for another forum. The problem is, there was fault on the part of many on both sides, and plenty of anger and hurt, but not enough working through it, healing, and forgiving.

  I truly wish that there was a way to rectify this. The problem is not with the physical capability, but with less than willing hearts to put the first step forward.
• 

  dyan4help

  I am the one responsible for letting them do what they did to me. But they go door to door looking for people who are in pain and are overwhelmed, then they work their way into your life using God and saying they have all the answers. They take advantage of you when you are down and try to keep you there.I blame them for the pain and suffering they cause to families and children while in their care and keeping.I blame them for using the bible to control your thinking and using people up till they break you or you can't stand the pressure anymore and you ask them why and they cast you aside like old worn out shoes and make you feel like you failed God and your family. If anything I am guilty of dropping my guard and trusting too much. They robbed me of much more than all my money. They took away my ability to trust others and trust in myself, that the decisions I make for me and my young children are the right ones. I will have many problems in my life before I die but they will be from lack of experience.....not blind faith.

  Dyan
• 

  Jewel

  I feel much like Simon. My life is in a very good place now, and I can't help but believe that I am the sum of my life to date so I guess I wouldn't want to change much of the past. The WTBTS does cause some ongoing family problems-part of my family is, other part isn't-my husband thinks this makes for particularly interesting family reunions!

  I know alot about the Bible which is valuable in a variety of situations-for one thing it helps in being culturally literate.

  I have an amazing amount of patience. Recently we went to a parents' night for my son's karate class. The teacher is very sincere, but went on a bit long (understatement!) and got to the point where he was repeating himself. Lots of squirming in the audience. Afterward my husband asked me how I could have been so INTERESTED in what the gentleman was saying after he'd said it three or four times already. I realized I must have slipped into "meeting mode" after 15+ years out! I apparently managed to look transfixed by the message when my mind was someplace else completely.

  Persecution (gasp-I hate that word) in school was incredibly painful, but it taught me about being compassionate. I KNOW how it feels to be treated cruelly and to have people make judgements based on religious differences. This has made tolerance, and more important teaching tolerance to my kids, very important to me. The hardest part is teaching tolerance for those in the family that are still Witnesses...

  They were VERY much against my marrying my husband-he was--GASP--WORLDLY!! Don't know if that added to my attraction to him, but if it influenced me to marry him anyway, I'm very grateful-it's one of the best decisions I've ever made!

  Jewel
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  Englishman

  This is all really helpful. I get the impression that most of us feel like adolescents when we first leave the JW's. Maybe it's the newbie "Outies" that feel the most anger, I suppose it's the sense of betrayal that takes some getting used to.

  Englishman.
• 

  SloBoy

  No doubt WBTS would like that to be the theme on sites as these, but alas, that is not the case, as has well been demonstrated. At times I describe my experience with WBTS as an across the board 'neutering'; emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I am in the process of coming to terms with my co-operation with this 'proceedure'. This type of inner reflection probably seems foreign to the Borg. It's called ''PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY ''
• 

  SYN

  HMMM...I did feel a bit juvenile when I first encountered this site. No one in the BORG ever truly grows up.

  "Vaccination has never saved a human life. It does not prevent smallpox." The Golden Age, Feb 4 1931 p. 293-4 - The Sacredness of Human Blood (Reasons why vaccination is unscriptural)
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  Carmel

  Occasionally when I am being introspective about some of my ideas of life I think back to see if those predispositions are related to how I viewed the world as a dubbie. I have to say some of my prejudices which I have had to address are directly related to early training in the cult. Once aware of the connection, it impells me to look for more objective ways of weighing things. So I'd say the early experiance still lingers but at the same time awareness of that motivates me to go beyond my first inclinations.

  "Everything I needed to know in life, I learned in kindergarden".
  So sayeth someone......

  carmel
• 

  hillary_step

  Hello,

  I can see where Jan is coming from on this issue and agree with him.

  I believe the tendency to blame the WTS for things that go wrong in our lives, for the rest of our lives, is a *very* tempting road to walk along. It is very easy for us to hang all our pain and frustration on one hook, but this it seems to me is unhealthy in the long-term.

  Jan was imho dealing with general impressions of XJW Boards in his post. He was commenting about the loss of objectivity among the XJW's when it comes to dealing with JW matters. He also noted that while he understands this reaction it makes him feel uncomfortable - in this he relects my own views.

  It is much simpler to live in a world of savage contrasts, a mentality of 'saint or sinner', black and white, good and bad, but life is not quite that simple.

  In the preface to his book "Crisis Of Allegiance', James A. Beverly a non JW made an interesting comment regarding this, when he said, "First, the reader will have to look elsewhere if the desire is for a book that advocates a total, daming dismissal of everything about Jehovah's Witnesses. In the complex of doctrinal issues and historical conflict involved in the study of this group, a simplistic outlook will only hinder proper interpretation". Again, I agree entirely with this viewpoint.

  Best regards - HS