by ProfCNJ 17 Replies latest jw friends
There is always peace when your actions are in harmony with your beliefs. Now that you no longer believe, to go to a meeting now would feel all wrong. At this point you are still aware of the meetings, so making a conscious decision to not go feels good and right.
Eventually the thought of going to the meetings won't even occur to you.
serenity.
I’ve experienced a lot of that cognitive dissonance where I knew TTATT but had a bit of a general compulsion to maintain that feeling of “accomplishment” in keeping up with the “theocratic” reading and studying – feeling like a “good little boy,” even though that feeling is actually just disingenuous and hollow. The compulsion to please our close family members can get rather ingrained in us born-ins.
But now the dissonance is dissipating as I continue my “apostate” investigations on this site, as well as attend a monthly “apostate” Saturday luncheon here in the Toronto area. I know the WTS would say that I’m ‘partaking of the table of demons as well as the table of Jehovah,’ but I’m not really “partaking” of the “table of Jehovah” (a.k.a. Watchtower), as I’ve already left it in my heart over a decade ago, and I really need to keep connected with that “table of demons” (a.k.a. here) because it’s really my lifeline to a rational perspective outside of the little JW forest and to plain objective common sense.
So, yes I ultimately feel good about missing tomorrow’s “theocratic” activities, as I get much more of a sense of true self by actually meeting up with fellow “apostates” over some chicken wings. To me that’s more of “the real life” than that phony, hollow “life” of religio-corporate servitude. And the only thing that is physically holding me back from completing my escape from the Tower is financial independence. (I’m currently still actually living with my folks at 48 years of age – somewhat long story, but that’s the reality for me now.) I’ll just have to take things one day at a time and try to be careful and patient with saving enough money to get out on my own and actually complete my fade.
I haven't been to a midweek meeting since i can't remember when. It feels great.
Yes, I agree!
We have missed quite a few over the last month...and niether I or my wife have even raised the subject. We have enjoyed doing things togther, and the very idea of having to go the the meetings has not even come up!
I certainly dont feel guilty anymore.
AND if we all think about it, the guilt never came because we missed the meetings... it came because we knew others would be condemning us!
As has often been mentioned on this forum, the manipulative tactics of JW is "F.O.G"
FEAR
OBLIGATION or Obsession
GUILT
Mid week meetings were the first ones I stopped attending. I hated that I was missing all of the good television shows.
99% of the rest of the community think JW's are mostly just a bunch of religious weirdos and that it would be super weird to ever go to one of their meetings. So why the hell would you ever feel guilty about missing their meetings?
Jdubs are indoctrinated to feel guilt for doing anything the wts/gb tells them is wrong. It's like an automatic built-in electric shock control system which gets recharged every time a dub reads their teachings, hears their talks, and associates with other dubs. Carrying around that load of negativity that says You Are Sinful is soul-numbing.
It's so refreshing to get out from under it.
