This was one of the things that first got me thinking. I noticed how in books like "Draw close to Jehovah" they paint God as a loving, warm, just God who does not desire any to die. There are scriptures that support the notion that God is loving.
I got some serious Cognitive Dissonance when I began to realize that if you do not do as he tells you, or love him from the heart, he will kill you. Can you imagine a human parent like that? How can you be truly free when you must love a invisible entity, and must be from the heart, or he will slaughter you? When I read of YHWH actions in Caanan, Noahs flood, killing others for King Davids mistakes etc, I saw injustice. Just because God does something does not make it right or moral. I began to realize that although I still believed and wanted to be a good little JW, that I did not love God from the heart. I grew to despise him and view him as a monster, all the while still believing in him just by reading his alleged word. I could not love him at all, let alone with my whole heart. The Bible states that we are supposed to love him from the heart, not out of compulsion. Well, if the threat of being brutally killed in armageddon if you do not love YHWH is not compulsion, what is? He is literally like a psycopath holding a gun to your head and saying, love me, serve me or ill kill you. Sometimes in those situations, the victim begins to feel love and care for his captor serving them and even feeling a sense of love for them. I believe that JWs among other believers in the God of the Bible are suffering from mass stockholm syndrome.
Even warm fuzzy Jesus says, put faith in me or die. Or go to hell depending on your understanding of Revelation. I cannot and will not be pressured into loving anything or anyone under threat of death. Those entities, real or imagined do not deserve my love or worship. I consider the very Idea of YHWH and his personality reprehensible, and it disturbs me to see people defend the horrible things we read about in the Lie-bel.