3rd Update on Fading

by wallievase 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • wallievase

    Ok well i have updated you about the dilemma about my wife and family and more recently about the elders trying to schedule a shepherding call.

    On our way back from th International Convention she basically told me if i were to leave that we should go our seperate ways.

    So i took a few days and thought about it. It seems she was more mad about my waffling back and forth and going to the hall sometimes and just not making up my mind.

    Today i gave her a proposal- I will stop going all together unless it it an assembly or convention or memorial for her.

    We will not discuss religious topics, as this is where most of our arguments have been centered around, at all.

    We will support all of each others endeavors besides religious intrests

    I will talk to my family and let them know my intentions without getting into an details next month because my mother keeps calling me about it

    We give it 1 year, if its as bad as she thinks, both of us are unhappy, alsways arguing, etc- i told her we can part ways.

    Surprisingly she accepted this offer, so i will see how it goes

  • Freedom77

    Sounds like a sensible, rational agreement to me, and gives you both time to think things through and adjust your expectations. Just stick to your guns and live up to your side of the bargain, maybe she might even change her thinking if she sees you are happier out of the borg. Good luck to you.

  • Daniel1555

    Hi wallievase

    You made a very honest and fair agreement. Stick to it. Try hard to be a very loving and kind husband, not criticizing your wifes views. She has to make her own mind.

    You have a lot of courage to live by your conscience. That is very commendable.

    In my situation my wife left me, because she thinks I am an apostate. I never tried to influence her views. However she was always a very conservative jw.

    I am happy though to have listened to my conscience.

    I wish you and your wife all the best on this difficult journey.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Congratulations on your progress there. Best of luck to you with it.

  • GoUnion

    I'm in the exact same situation, try your hardest not to push too hard. You will make far more progress when she sees you are happy and free. She will eveenthly start asking you a few questions at a time, keep it sweet and simple.

    its been working for me.

  • TheListener

    Welcome to the world of the elephant in the room. It's a place I've been for several years. It's not too bad, usually.

  • stuckinarut2

    Do you actually still love each other?

    If not, then why not both amicably decide to allow each other to move on with your own lives?

    Being a witness or not is a secondary point to that....

  • jgnat

    It sounds like a great proposal. I think the whole exit thing is so much easier when your partner is calm and on your side. There are so many errands and chores you can get done when she is off at the meetings. Hopefully she will begin to appreciate the benefits.

    By the way, I never gave my JW hubby any encouragement that I would become a JW, but I attended about the same as you suggested; the memorial and the conventions. Hubby dropped the conventions before I did. It's been two years since he's attended a memorial. Since he knew how I felt but he also knew we had each other's backs, he came up with bland excuses if anyone asked where I was at. Frankly, I think he enjoyed my spunk (shared with him privately). At the meetings I did attend, I was well-supplied with toys (iPhone, book, blank notebook). I discreetly did what I wanted.

    By the way, over time he skipped more and more meetings, deciding to go to a movie or some other entertainment. I reassured him that I was sure Jehovah understood. I didn't push, but I also didn't hold him back from gradually becoming more himself.

  • KateWild

    Very logical idea. But these are heated emotional arguments. Lets hope they dissipate now you have made your logical agreement. Did you talk about your physical relationship? This can sometimes draw marriage mates closer and remind them of fun times.

    Next Firday take your wife out for a nice meal and seduce her. It will be fun putting some extra spice into your marriage.

    Kate xx

  • goingthruthemotions

    The sad case is that the bible states: Mark 10:9 Therefore, what God has joined together, man must never separate."

    the BORG destroys so many families....My wife made a statement last night after the meeting that what i now believe will put a wedge between us.

    HMMMM. and this is love? the JW cult sucks.

    oh well if she left it was a good run. let her live for the end. I am convinced that most the sheeeple zombies have and I.Q of 80 on average. the apostates are the ones who awake never bought into the crap to begin with. and are much more inteligent.


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