Let's pretend that a suspicious Presiding Overseer K. Eepclean, alerted by a misbehaving microwave oven to an apostate infliltration of his flock, hides secret recording devices in Kingdom Hall furniture, and transcribes the conversations...
Since like most POs, mentally he's more than a few nickels short of a quarter, he needs help to figure out who said what.
So, please study this photo:
Here are the conversations:
1. "My dear, I can explain the deeper meaning of this section to you.
But we must keep it our secret - you, me and Jehovah God.
Your mom or dad could be disappointed if they knew you had help.
When shall I come around? They need to be out of the house."
2. "Given how close we are too Armageddon, this probably won't matter.
But we cannot say for sure you won't pass away before it happens.
I can give you a Society-approved draft for your will.
It will save you a lot of worldly lawyer's fees."
3. "Those rings are really expensive.
They'll look so much better on me."
4. "My dad outranks your dad.
It's going to be that way forever on Paradise Earth.
Just accept it, and do as you're told."
5. "I don't care if you're bored and want to go out and play.
Jehovah God wants you to be here.
If you know what's good for you, don't embarrass me any more.
Else, I'll beat the daylights out of both of you when we get home."
6. "I think her hairstyle is manly, and she's too big for her boots.
It troubles me that blacks will hugely outnumber whites after Armageddon."
7. "Mummy, I want to give up school NOW. Can I pioneer?"
8. "Sister, I simply do not feel the same way about you this week.
I cannot deceive Jehovah. And please don't stumble me by persisting."
9. "It is not for us to advise you on such matters.
But there is sound advice in the Book of Timothy on the need for balance between your family and your congregational responsibilities.
A second child will be incompatible with your commitment to kingdom proclaiming work.
A withdrawal of privileges may not be the only judicial action we take.
But, of course, you are free to make your own choice."
10. "I am sorry. You are wrong about the arrangement.
In this KH, literature you take out has to be paid for.
Suggested rates means minimum ones, plus we need what the householders paid for the last batch."
11. "I think I've narrowed down my search to those three roads.
Now I merely have to select which houses it is I want to move into."
Now, please help the P.O. match them up with the people:
If some don't apply, please feel free to supply your own transcribed conversations (but please... keep it indecent, folks).
("Missing Exclamation Mark!" Class)