If you don't like being a Jehovah's Witness then leave....

by Quirky1 35 Replies latest jw friends

  • FlyingHighNow

    we are all different.

    It's easy, but there are consequences for a sudden break with the JWs. OUr congo was already treating us differently though, before we left. The shunning from family came many, many years later.

  • Ucantnome

    my father wasn't really a believer in mistakes. you have to have a reason and the reason has to be pretty watertight.

    so i think upbringing can make a difference.

  • westiebilly11

    ..thank you FlyingHighNow..have always and will always love them...just those thursday evenings getting them dressed up for evening meetings when they would rather have stayed home on schoolnights..and sundays when half the day was spent preparing to go to meeting and then coming home and reverting to normal mode...such a shame.....made more complicated by the fact that ours was a divided home...me in..but my wife left the org after our third was born...after 30 years in I wonder why I didn't see reality earlier......

  • Magnum

    I agree with LisaRose.

    J.C.: People are creating more drama and more stress by complaining and finding fault.

    So you say that we just let the org continue to do its thing with no opposition? That might be for you, but not for me. I have a strong sense of justice and don't like to let entities such as the org get away with lying, stealing (in effect), ruining lives, cheating, being dumbasses, etc. So I'm watching the situation carefully and may at the right time actively oppose the org.

    In addition, I still keep up with with what's going on because it's just interesting. It's interesting to observe all the changes and craziness and the beginnings of a possible decline of the org. This is real life; it's far more interesting than some scripted "reality" show.

    And, by the way, I have left.

  • JWdaughter

    We all have different experiences leaving. Mine was mixed. At the age I left, I didn't have a husband or children in and I had never been baptised. I didn't even UNDERSTAND what could happen to me when I left. What happened was I was shunned and gossiped about (as a 15year old girl) as being immoral (and a teenage unwed parent-when I was a virgin and going to HS the entire time and the only babies I had around me were cousins and neighbors that I babysat). Not one of my JW friends/acquaintances spoke to me. I only know what some are up to because of facebook and a few that left and I connected with (minimally).

    Some of my moms friends have softened and just talk to me like a person (not an ex JW),so they drop hints frequently, but don't go hardcore on me. My pioneer aunt treats me with kid gloves (she was DF'd for decades, so she doesn't play the game like she probably should as a pioneer, but thatsall to the good).

    The cousin who murdered her husband and his GF(never in jail, never DFd) treatsme like a leper. Her son, who "accidentally" shot hisbrother-the same. Most of the rest just drifted away-less by conviction than the fact that they were living lifestyles incompatible with christianity(of any sort).They still believe and go to memorials and meetings when they are inthe mood.They wouldcall themselves JWs (LOL)if pressed. Aunt whose son died with no transfusion is OUT and is political and speaks up for everthing she thinks about God, religion, politics and the world.

    Most are effectively out, but unacklnowledged as "ex"JWs. It now seems to be a kind of don't ask, don't tell kind of atmosphere in my family. Not that long ago, there was definitely a lot more shunning going on,but Ithink too many family members were effectivly out and the ones in can't really cut themselves off from everyone when we all know that the congregation doesn't offer much more than lip service twice a week at meetings and possibly in service.

    I am the only one that made sure my mom had her WT literature when she was in hospital and rehab. No brothers helped,even when asked nicely. She knows how much they are good for. My pioneer aunt depends on my mom for money and gas-and my mom can only afford to support her so much. So she doesn't ask much:) There is a price to pay!

    So, I think that most of my JW family is like my ex's Catholic family. They still have the lingo and still talk the talk around each other, but they livetheir secular lives. Some go to other churches sometimes,but no seriously churchy people who have left really. This has changed in my family a lot in the last few years. It really used to be different but most who left didn't "go" to anythign else. so they re pretty much left alone. My mom does not talk socially to her former sis in law (mom of the one who had court ordered transfusion after refusing), but she doesn''t snub her and speaks nicely about her. No girl dates anymore,they used to be best of friends and my mom loved her a lot.

  • FlyingHighNow

    Westi, try to collect all the positive memories and experiences and concentrate on them. Did you do things like go camping, to the movies, vacations, etc? Did you read to them, sing to them? Did you do fun things with them? Did you help with school projects? We helped my daughter with a science project that got her a trip to the Nasa Space Center in Huntsville, AL. I helped her with a poster that got first place. I helped her with an art project that got first place. We had "Girl's Night Out" each week. My son and I took long drives, listened to music and took in historical sites like the Etowah Indian mounds and Civil War cemeteries and battle fields. We did a lot of normal, fun things. They never have complained about being taken to meetings. They do complain about a few things, but that has lessened considerably over the years. Regret might be less heavy to carry than guilt.

  • steve2

    So great to hear you walked away and not one pursued you. Your circumstances appear ideal for a "just leave" approach.

    OTOH, my not being born in would have greatly assisted in the "just leave" admonition that you proffer.

    I'd love to have had no family in and not had to take in consideration the family-run business which at the time of my departure was JW heavy.

    Still, everyone's situation is different. Your example will inspire so many!

  • LongHairGal


    I did a planned "fade" over thirteen years ago. Sorry I didn't do it ten years sooner.

    While it was easy for me since I am single, it is not as easy for others who have family in - not to mention business contacts. These people would rip the business contacts right out from under somebody in a heart-beat if they knew that person wanted out. I kiss the ground that I have no family or business contacts there.

    For some people, leaving the religion is very complicated and not as easy as you make it sound. They have to be very careful how they do it!

  • Pistoff

    I have not gone to meetings for 10 years, save for the memorial, and not that for 2 years; in the last 2 months, I have had 2 calls to my cel, 3 texts, one Saturday morning visit to my home and a Thursday afternoon visit from an elder, who left a tract in the door with the message: S**** Y**** was here, Thursday afternoon. See you Sunday".

    I am all of a sudden on their radar and I am annoyed.

    I can't be honest with them, they will want to do something about what I might tell them.

    And I don't want to just keep fending off the calls and texts.

    So, to the OP, they might get around to you too.

  • ducatijoe

    e your problems with you.AMEN... Quit complaining and leave! If not... stay in.. you will not get in much trouble in there. Just like in East Germany... Safe, but controled.

    Life on the other side of the wall is great. However I do feel many of you who are to fearful to leave but want to will take your hang-ups with you.

    Find who YOU ARE inside first. It takes a lot of self will to get out. Be ready to lose your friends and family.

    But you can fine much better friends out here.

    And no FEAR!

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