JWs and their views on Sex

by campaign of hate 55 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  konceptual99

  I think the impact of JW supposed rules on sex in most marriages over the past 20+ years has been minimal. I know no one who really thinks oral sex is banned. I know no one who really thinks that there is only one position or is not adventurous in some way. We knew an ex bethelite couple who had a wardrobe full of sexy role play dressing up clothes.

  My wife and I have been faithfully married for a long time over 2 decades now. We both followed WT doctrine as far as sex before marriage was concerned. I can honestly say that the elders or the Watchtower have never had an say in how we behave. We enjoy a really good time and that's because we love each other and have worked hard to have a successful marriage. At the risk of being shot down I do think some of this is due to principles and practical guidance that we have both tried to apply as Witnesses. I am not saying you a happy marriage is only possible by being a Witness, just that even in my mentally out state I do think there was perhaps something positive from my time in.

  No doubt some do have sexual hang ups or do not enjoy a healthy sex life. In my experience this is not thanks to WT doctrine on sex in itself but down to problems people either have with themselves or with each other far beyond what goes on in the bedroom. There is no doubt that there are a significant number of Witnesses who remain in unhappy marriages. I doubt very much however that this is because of some hang up what goes on in the bedroom. I think it is because they got married too young, too quick to the wrong person. Their goals diverged. The outlook diverged. There aspirations and hopes were not met. Keeping their life "simple" brought money worries and dissatisfaction as they could not do the things others were doing. The marriage was too hierarchical with a bright wife forced to be in subjection to a dim husband. They lost respect for themselves and each other.

  Problems in the bedroom are generally the symptom of bigger problems elsewhere, not the cause. I am 100% sure that many of the Witnesses in happy and successful marriages are enjoying lots of things in the bedroom that would have given Freddy boy a coronary.
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  Splash

  hardtobeme I know of an elder that prays before having sex with his wife.

  "For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
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  Heaven

  This prayer before sex thing would be a 100% turn off for me.
  
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  LoveUniHateExams

  I do wonder, though, what a prayerful topic would be? - that thought had crossed my mind, too. Here's an attempt at an answer:

  "Dear Jehovah God, our loving heavenly father, we'd humbly like to approach you now in Jesus' name. We'd like to thank you for the provision of marriage and ask that you further bless our union. Please help us express our love by guiding my male member into my darling wife's birth canal. We're very grateful for this loving arrangement and will use our union to your praise. We offer this prayer to you in Jesus' name, amen"
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  WTWizard

  And what's the big deal? Why is joke-hova so interested in restricting sex between people? Or, could it be that thing really wants us living sterile lives? I don't think it's joke-hova's business if someone chooses to do fornication, polygamy, unorthodox styles of sex, or group sex. Or masturbation. Or some combination of all the above. And it is none of joke-hova's business if someone is "straight", gay, lesbian, bisexual, or some combination of the above. None of these "offenses" has any potential to weaken the human race or create defective children.
  
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  millie210

  Threads like this are so interesting to me because they have two sides - like a coin.

  In our modern society, people can afford the luxury of picking a mate who is a partner in every way. Birth control, medicine to ward off and cure STDs, and financial stability all help in this endeavor to find that perfect or at least compatible someone.

  On the flip side if you remove religion completely, the development of secondary sexual characteristics (menstruation in females, testosterone influences in males) herald the potential of mating and offspring. This occurs around 12-14.

  I dont think we can "blame" religion for early sexual interest. They do however attempt to legislate it.

  That is not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself. What parent wants their daughter pregnant and alone at 14?

  The whole process is designed for a male to protect the female while she carries and births the fragile newborn and for that to continue on both of the mating pairs part until the offspring is beyond the fragile point.

  It is not always in the best interest of the individual to mate and stay put while raising the offspring but there are clear and demonstrable advantages to having a "unit" (the male and female) for the care and protection of a "family = the result of sexual union).

  It is my opinion that ALL religions try to run behind humanity saying "Im Their leader, which way did they go?"

  Of course in that regard they ALL try to legislate sexual behavior.

  The difference in JWs and some other religions in the modern world, is they have gone quiet and the JWs are still clinging to a standard that modern society no longer endorses whole or even halfheartedly.

  So like I said, a coin..two sides. I agree with the OP to an extent and I also agree with Sofia and others who say you have to make your own life what you want it to be.
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  Quarterback

  Pray before having sex? What do you do when you get to that part, "Lead me not into temptation?"

  This sounds like another one of those Karate Kid posts. You know, the Karate Kid puts the "wax on, and wacks off"
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  the comet

  this reminded me of a couple things I heard about sex and dating from elders growing up.

  1. Since after sex, a man and women were considered unclean, until the next day or something, can't remember the specifics, jehovah doesn't want us having sex that often. This was from a never married elder in his 40's at the time.

  2. "Don't date a girl until you're sure you want to marry her." Even at the time it seemed like really really bad advice.
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  FayeDunaway

  Konceptual you make some good points...but I think many marriages do suffer from sexual incompatibility...and I think it's important that couples play around pretty heavily (though not perhaps have actual sex) and discuss a lot about how they feel about sex openly, before getting married. In too many couples one partner doesn't like sex much and this leads to a lot of frustration and often broken marriages. Some people are really uptight about sex and it can never be fixed. Yeah, there might be other problems that triggered it, but still it often can't be fixed. Sex is a really important part of marriage, and people need to know they are compatible.
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  konceptual99

  Hi Faye,

  You are absolutely right. People do suffer sexual incompatibility and I was not suggesting that the WTS is right to ban sexual contact outside of the marriage arrangement. I actually think the WTS has been clearer in recent years about the need to discuss all aspects of a relationship, including sex. I also think that far more couples go further than the WTS would like to think before they get married. In fact, it seems that some couples ignore many of the Bible's restrictions and also ignore much of the pretty sensible advice about how to get to know someone and be sure you want a relationship. Hence the problem - there are plenty of couples in every congregation who had done lots of things sexually before they got married but are now locked into very difficult relationships because they fell in love (or just lust) with a poor life partner.