confused

by conflicted 25 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  happytobefree

  Conflicted,

  I got baptized because of the shear fear of being destroyed at armeggedon (sp). And after I had my suspicions confirmed regarding the WTBS, I was still afraid I may be wrong.

  But I can say the fears have gone completely away, now. As posted before, the way I cured myself was by attending as many churches, temples, yoga classes, cub scout meetings, tae kwon do, anything the WTBS ever said or thought was wrong, I visited to see for myself. And the conclusion was that I did not find one demon or anything that was morally implied or wrong. Somethings, places I have no desire to ever return (church, cub scout meetings, chairing PTA functions) and some I simply love (yoga class, tae kwon do, my book club, taking one college course a semester).

  So have fun finding out what you love and don't worry about the demons (they are only in KH and 2nd hand stores)

  Happy to be Free (Me)
• 

  expatbrit

  Hi conflicted:

  I know how you feel. The stuff forced into you when you're young goes in a long way. They call it "inculcation"; should be called "incultation".

  A couple of weeks ago I finally ripped up my blood card. It was tough! The guilt and fear were strong.

  But for me information is the key. The more I learn about the organization I thought I knew, the less their hold on my emotions becomes.

  Keeping in touch with others on sites like this one provides some much needed support. It helps to type!

  Expatbrit.
• 

  larc

  Another approch,

  You could also consider Pascal's wager. You try to be good, whether there is an after life or not. In either case, you win, because being good gives a better life, over all, in the present. So if you reject the Null Hypothesis and are wrong (Type II error) it does't matter because you win in that case as well.

  Pascal was a statistician, Decarte was the co-discoverer of analytical geometry (as in Cartesian coordinates). Therefore, the concept of Type I and Type II error is more applicable to Pascal.

  Type I error - Accepting the null hypotheses when it is false.

  Type II error - Rejecting the null hypotheses when it true.

  By the way, statistics began when a gambler asked the mathimatician, Pascal, to help him improve his odds of winning. From that shady beginining, many important scientific contributions have occurred by the sophisticated use of statistics. For an example, look at 1999 volume of Psychological Bulleton for the Meta Analysis by Hunter and Schmidt regarding the most important predictors of job success. Simple topic, complex stats. Hunter and Schmidt's work on validity generalization in psychological testing won them a major scientific award.

  Another interesting study is the work on Black Jack by a PhD. mathimatican, Thorpe, that turns the game into an even or better bet for the player. Using applied statistics, means that you are not gambling when you play this game properly you will in the long run - win. I have emopirical evidence to verify that.
• 

  larc

  By the way,

  You mentioned game theory. This concept was developed by Von Neuman, one of the great matemeticians, and the first to apply mathimatics to humam behavior. His analysis of the Prisoner's Delema gives a great insight into a source of conflict within and between organizations.
• 

  larc

  Lurker,

  Another author you might look at is David Dreman. He integrates the information on human decision making and human forecasting and compares that to statistical approaches. His first book was "The New Contrarian Investor." I can't remember the title of his updated version, but you could find it on a computer search I'm sure. Since you have an analytical bent, it's a resource that you would find interesting and extremly beneficial for your long term welfare. Some people who have followed his methodolgy with great success are John Neff (Vanquard Widsor) and Walter Weitz (The Weitz Value Fund). On average, they outperform the statistical market averages, and the vast majority of investors do not. Investing over the long term with Neff and now with Weitz meant that I was able to retire three years earlier than expected.
• 

  larc

  Lurcker,

  I think their is a flaw in Descartes two choices, at least as you present them. What is your operational definition of "fun". Being a good, moral person, means that on the average i.e., statisticly, you have more fun than the short term hedonist. On the average, short term hedonism leads to emotional and financial ruin. There are exceptions, of course. I would rather go with the long term averages. As I have stated in other places on the DB, goodness is its own reward (on average, of course).
• 

  larc

  Lurking,

  Regarding the prisoner's delema, the "tit for tat" strategy brings total ruin to both parties. The only strategy that works is when both parties have total, complete trust in each other. This is very rare in human systems. That is why it is critical that those who design organizations are aware of the catestrophic dangers that are inherent in a bad system.

  Your 401k

  I think you should visualize your money as going into three pots. The first one is for your fixed costs, e.g., food, clothing, and shelter. The second pot is for short term savings for things like a down payment on a house or car. The third is money that you put away and never touch.

  Now, you don't have to be a Witness not to put money in that third pot, because a lot of people don't. You may never get to that third pot. You might get hit by a truck and never see retirement. Armageddon might be here first. However, it is a good idea to hedge your bets, just in case you might end up, as I did, in my retirement years.

  Please remember, I was born in 1940 and raised as a Witness. I saw a lot of people, including my own parents who retired with almost nothing. You are fortunate as a young man, because you can put a little away now and it will make a huge difference later. The longer people wait to start a financial plan, the harder it is to make a difference.
• 

  thinkers wife

  Conflicted,
  Welcome. I can definitely relate to your posts. The guilt can be truly debilitating. I da'ed in June of 2000. I left for the basic reason you stated. It didn't feel right. It has been tough, as all my family with the exception of one brother, are still in. He (the one that isn't a Jw has no interest in discussing it, although we talk about other things). But I can tell you for sure, being here has helped me tremendously. I don't feel guilty anymore.
  The suggestions the others gave about getting immersed in different things really does work. The more you do the less guilt you feel.
  I do feel for you not having anyone to discuss it with. I married a man "in the world". And he has a great grasp on the mindset of JW's that has really helped. Because we can sit and intelligently discuss it. And he gives me a different slant on it. And as for the rest of it, being here has validated me tremendously.
  So keep reading and doing. I think you will find it gets a lot better when you can find a peer group who has the same mindset at least in some ways.
  TW
• 

  LDH

  LARC,
  Did you ever read my posts on Witnet about Gambling? Hoepfully someone saved them.
• 

  conflicted

  Thanks for all the support. It is greatly appreciated. Although I have been out for a long time the healing is just beginning because I spnet so much time denying myself - for what?!? I'll take your advise and see some of these places, do activites previously forbidden.

  Again, thanks.

  Eric