Where to go from here...

by Patrickday 44 Replies latest social relationships

  • joe134cd

    Not a chance of working. Her parents will hate you, and it will just isolate this young girl even more.

  • Patrickday

    It's been about a year, so I've decided to come back along and share the new parts of the story. Thanks to everyone who checked in on me and was curious to see how this would turn out.

    Over the last year I've distanced myself a considerable amount. I have run into the girl 2-3 times in the last year and had basic conversations for no longer than 5 minutes. We have texted on several occasions, but she's begun to feel robotic. She is commonly the one to start the conversation but often stopped replying or dried up, which made it easy for me to turn her off. I've done a great job moving on and don't have the same level of "obsession" (for lack of a better word) as I did before, but obviously there are still underlying feelings.

    Very recently she turned 18 and we had a discussion about why we shouldn't be talking anymore. She claimed she is battling seasonal depression and needs to be happy and comfortable in life again. I'm not one to challenge these things, so I simply walked away without hesitation. She doesn't run my life and I have no intention of continuing to chase for years and years to come with no real result.

    Overall, this year has shown the most drastic change in her behaviour. She seems to be hiding me more than she ever was and doesn't take as many risks to try and reach out to me. We have an agreement that I'm to leave her alone until she messages me, but at this point it won't make much of a difference. For those keeping track at home, as a person from the outside looking in, it's not easy to walk away at first. You will consistently feel the urge to message her or check in to see how she's doing. The longer you wait, the easier it becomes, and you're able to find peace in yourself knowing that there isn't a thing you can do for this girl.

    If ever in life this girl reaches out to me again, it will be on her terms. Once she's decided how she wants to spend the rest of her life, I'm sure I will hear from her. That could be in a few months, or it could be a few years. Or maybe never. This whole situation has been a gigantic learning process for me. I often wish I hadn't gone through it to avoid the pain and suffering that comes along for the ride. All I can say now, is stay tuned for the roller coaster of emotions and uncertainties that is sure to follow in the future.

  • FayeDunaway

    I almost left when I was 19, but couldn't disappoint my parents. Decided to stay and do it their way. I hung on for 2 more decades. Then FINALLY decided to live my own life.

    What im saying is, move on. Your paths may cross again some time in the distant future, and circumstances might be open for you being together. Who knows. But for now, emotionally move on from this girl. She sounds really messed up, more messed up than she was in the first years you knew her. I'm sorry your life too was affected by this cult. She needs to get out of it, but that is only going to happen when she's ready, and she's not moving in that direction right now. let her go.

  • Frazzled UBM
    Frazzled UBM
    I doubt she will remain a Witness. She is only doing so to keep her father happy. She is very conflicted - hence her depression. You are an outlet for her. If you care for her I would suggest you be a sounding board for her. Let her know you are a friend she can trust - she can tell you whatever she wants - her fears, worries and concerns in particular and yuou will not judge her nor gtell anyone else. If you can do this without getting too emotional involved you will do her a tremendous service but if you start to get very emotionally involved before she has worked through her inner turmoil, then you could well end up in emotional turmoil yourself. If she does get through the otherside and abandons the religion in a healthy way, you may well have laid the groundwork for a strong relationship going forward. Good luck
  • steve2

    I often wish I hadn't gone through it to avoid the pain and suffering that comes along for the ride. All I can say now, is stay tuned for the roller coaster of emotions and uncertainties that is sure to follow in the future.

    Fair enough. Who would? But given you have gone through such pain and suffering, it would be a shame not to derive any constructive learning for your own life. What have you learnt about yourself? That, despite the pain and suffering, you are getting on with your life, you are finding a way through it. But, man, when she pops up out of the blue, you're back to square one.

    She is so incredibly young - as are you. A lifteitme of ongoing learning awaits you.

    The roller coaster you have elected to get on has her at the operating wheel. You are so vulnerable to where she is "at".

    Don't become another tragic individual who goes through life pining for the love of his life that is always just out of reach - unless you are into melodrama and seeking source material to write poems about unrequited love.

    You need to give this child/woman up the way a druggie needs to address the addiction.

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