Musings on recent things

by thedog1 17 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • thedog1

    Just some thoughts on all the recent things going on. I'm still recovering from the whole donation arrangement thing. Was speaking to some relatives who are also JW's and they don't really get what is going on but sense in some way that things are not right. I almost didn't contribute to the KH this month, or thought about just putting half in, my wife's half, as she has no idea about how I feel. Or maybe she does. I mentioned Menloe Park to her the other day and she said 'where did you read that, on an apostate website?' That stunned me but she must be getting a vibe from some of our recent conversations.

    I'm still right in the thick of it though, conducting the WT and doing public talks etc. For a while I couldn't come to terms with it all, but at the moment I am focusing on the positive side of the Bible message, and avoiding commenting on things I don't agree with. Like last week's wt study about helping the aged, on the paragraph where the missionary couple did not return from their assignment to help aged parents, I stressed that this was possible because the local congregation willingly offered to help them, not that they expected it to happen. But this ducking and diving is a bit stressful to say the least.

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    My heart goes out to you - I couldn't cope with your situation!!

    How you can still justify donating MONEY, let alone your time and car fuel is beyond me! My stomach churns just listening at the KH. I couldn't & don't contribute anything to an Org which is blatantly corrupt.

  • problemaddict

    Hey dog1,

    I existed as you do now for quite a while. Tried to remain posative and focus on the "basics". I could only take it for so long. I just found myself saying certain things, even when trying to avoid topics, that would make me feel horrible and like I was not being authentic.

    I don't envy the difficulty you must be having. Just hang in there, keep researching,a nd it will come together. You need to get your wife to start thinking, without making her think you are doing that. Its very difficult. Maybe express "concern", or say you have a study projecty on something and it just isn't adding up.....that kind of stuff.

  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim


    I am sure it must be very tough for you actually being the WT conductor and having all these things about the recent activities with the Borg. I have truly found this site though to be an inspiration for me though, as this site I can listen to what other people are saying, I myself am starting to speak more and more as I was mostly just a lurker for the longest time

  • Aroq

    I comment here very little, as I have never been a JW. I do not know what being a JW is like, all I know is what I read and observe within my own famliy and from here. The only thing I can say thedog1, is that you are among people here who have been in your same situation and care about where you are at. If they didn't, they wouldn't be here expressing their thoughts. Being in the position you are in (conducting WT) it makes it very difficult for you to attempt to research and not have it show thru you what you learned. Never stop searching for what it is you want answers to, its in the Bible.

    I saw something today that made me think. There was a man in "charge" who did not believe what he himself was saying to his subordinates, but he kept on keeping on. The part that made me think was deep down those who are the leaders must do one of two things: either keep toeing the line and keep to himself until he has had enough, or stand up and make a change. Either way, the outcome was the same. The only thing different was the time it took to get there.

    I am not saying you are this or that, it was just something that made me think and if it helps then great, if not let it pass.

  • Mum

    If you are living an inauthentic life (and it sounds as though you are), you're going to suffer emotionally and physically in ways that likely will surprise you. I was in a job situation once in which I was being criticized and bullied constantly.
    During that time, I reached a point when I could not walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night - seriously! I actually bought a walker to use when I would wake up in the middle of the night. Once I left that job, I was able to ditch my tranquilizers AND could move my body again just as I could before the job.

    Take care of yourself. If it feels wrong, it's best to leave it alone.

  • Crazyguy

    Yeah I tried going back to the hall and be a fader or just be in a position to speak up to my kids, but I couldn't do it, If I was forced I would probably go postel and hurt someone..

  • steve2

    Aroq, you make such a lot of sense - especially about those "in charge". Pity them if they should ever develop doubts. They too are as captured as their followers. What a spectacularly wrenching fall if they should be seen to ever question the organization. Extremely rare is the person in authority who stands up and says, "The Emperor has no clothes on - and I'm the Emperor". It is not easy being a follower either - just different consequences from questioning.

    Mum - powerful sentiments from the heart.

  • disposable hero of hypocrisy
    disposable hero of hypocrisy

    The dog dude. I wish I was in your congregation, it'd be great to have someone to talk to...

  • KateWild

    But this ducking and diving is a bit stressful to say the least.-thedog1

    Hi thedog1, Thanks for keeping us in the loop. It sounds like you have a bad case of CD. You are one of the good elders, but you are banging your head against a brick wall trying to change things in WT that are wrong. Those missionaries are hypocrites and I can tell you want them to abandon their assignment to care for their parents. I know that's what I would do.

    You know that 1914 is wrong, and you have read some if not all of CoC. So you are in a really stressful position now. As a good man you cannot continue like this, your life has changed because you had too many questions and you got answers. You are no longer the JW you were for years and years.

    We have a loved one trapped in the WT, and me and my daughter were talking about her. She is in her 60s and lost many family members in death. She is delluded and living a fake life. She is lonely I see her often sitting alone in McDonald's when once she was surrounded by friends and family. My daughter and I concluded, this life now is the best thing for her she knows no different and she thinks she is doing good and helping others. She thinks she is doing a valuable work. To let her outlive the rest of her life in ignorance is a kindness. When I see her I greet her and tell her I love her. She inturn greets me in a clandestine manner, and is probably praying I will return.

    I don't want her to give her money to the GB, but she will continue to donate as she is happy doing so. thedog1, you have read all 4 pages of the new donation arrangement, you know it is soliciting for funds and you know WT only lend money to congs for building KHs not give them the money.

    You know too much and you can't unknow it and live in bliss. You need to formulate an exit plan to reduce your stress levels or you will make yourself ill and that won't be good for your wife. Trust your wife, and trust the strength of your relationship.

    I mentioned Menloe Park to her the other day and she said 'where did you read that, on an apostate website?' That stunned me but she must be getting a vibe from some of our recent conversations.-thedog1

    This is good you are being more open with her. Talk about some things you have read in CoC as well. Everything will be okay, there is much hope that you will end up on the same page in time.

    I sincerly wish you all the best. Keep us informed. Take care

    Kate xx

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