To my Congregation:
Dear Brethern & Sistern, I wish to inform you of a new method which I have devised to provide me with all my material needs for the future. My previous method was OK, pretty lucrative in fact, but this one hits the jackpot! What I propose is this: rather than you giving me monetary gifts when you are able, I want you to pledge, in writing, exactly how much you are willing to give me each month. That way, your Christian conscience will compel you to cough up, regardless of your own financial needs for that month! Now the really good bit - Calculate how much money your basic household needs are for a month, and multiply that amount by three. Keep three months running costs in your account at any given time, and send me everything else! If you have any major expenses in running your home, as long as it costs more than $5000, I'll cover it!! If it costs less, please take a collection amongst yourselves to pay for it, and don't trouble me with your problems! I'm sure you will all be blessed - for listening and obeying me!
...OUTLAW