What I really hate....

Perversion of a truth

Is that I was born into this cult, taught and believed that I was going to live forever, , that I was never going to have to die. Now I am in my mid 30's realizing that this life is all there is and that after that I am dead forever and I am terrified. I don't want this to be all there is, , I don't want to just live a few years on this beautiful planet and then become non existent forever!

I have pretty severe anxiety, , anxiety that at times rules my life. The people on the anxiety forums call it more specifically "Heath Anxiety", which I guess you could say is a form of Hypocondria. I've only dealt with this severe anxiety since I have found out TTATT. The last few weeks I've been having chest pains on the left side of my chest, , more tightness and discomfort then pain really. I have also been having pains in my left arm during this time. I am terrified that it might be related to my heart and that I could have a heart attack and die any day. My wife says that she's pretty sure it's just anxiety, , and there is a part of me that agrees. I don't have any spare $$ at the moment and can't afford a trip to the ER for $1000+. I actually went to the ER about a year ago and they did blood test and performed an EKG but said my heart was fine, , but I am so worried and scared... I don't want to die. :-( We get full health coverage in about a month and a half... So I guess I will just wait till then since I can have a whole slough of tests run for only a $5 copay.... I guess here's to hoping I don't die in the next few days/weeks!!!

Laika

I understand, I suffer from anxiety too although I won't pretend it's as bad as yours. The doctor will help, just grit it out, you will make it, I promise.

Magnum

I fully understand your not wanting to die; I don't want to be eternally nonexistent, either.

It sounds to me that your problem is anxiety. I was with a close family member in her 30's about a year and a half ago at a mall. She had an anxiety attack and thought she was having a heart attack. She went to the emergency room. They did an EKG and said her heart was OK. Cost $2000.00. Fortunately, insurance paid for it.

Now I am in my mid 30's realizing that this life is all there is and that after that I am dead forever and I am terrified.

I am significantly older than you, so I am closer to death. I also worry that, because of having been a JW for over 30 years, I'll never be able to retire, and therefore, will never get to travel or do any of the things I like to do.

About seven years ago, my wife and I were riding down an interstate highway on a long journey. She was driving and I was sitting in the passenger seat doing some deep thinking. I was really smelling something wrong in JWdom at the time and was beginning to doubt the everlasting life stuff. I did not have a panic attack, but I had a really bad, trapped feeling. The best way I can describe it is by saying that I felt like a goldfish in a small goldfish bowl sitting on a small table in the middle of a desert. There would be no hope for such a fish. He would have some time left, but eventually the water would evaporate and he would be gone. There was no nearby pond or stream that he could possibly escape to. That's how I felt. I felt that time was running down and there was no escape - nowhere I could go to escape death.

I am surprised that I am not in deep depression now, as I was one who so strongly anticipated paradise. I guess I'm not in deep depression because I still have hope that there's stuff we don't know and that maybe there is a Creator and we are involved in some sort of test or something. I admit I have no answers now, but am searching. I just keep some kind of hope. Who knows? If there is a Creator, maybe he's looking for people like us who have the ability to recognize TTATT.

Witness My Fury

Man that read almost exactly like me except i am mid 40s.

Do you know (i mean KNOW) where your heart is exactly?

This was a helpful leasson for me to learn so that all the pains in my left hand chest area could be dismissed as muscle / intestinal and nothing to do with the heart. I'd spent years worrying about my heart, chest pains and palpitations when most of the time it wasnt anything to do with my heart. My dad died of a heart attack at 58.

Get it checked out of course, but if your heart comes up as normal on the ecg then believe it. Worrying about your heart does nothing at all to help it. Get it checked then learn to relax if all clear.

Perversion of a truth

Thank you so much for all of your replies. Yeah, I kinda wonder about the afterlife also. There is something deep down that says that this life can't be all just for nothing, , that there has to be more to the story... I hope. If not I intend to try to enjoy this life as much as possible! I guess the one thing that was nice about being a JW is that I would have died ignorantly blissful to the most likely fact that this life is all there is....

Yeah, I've thought a few times about the exact location of my heart, , and the pain/discomfort that I feel is more in my frontal shoulder, , of course anxiety isn't one to be reasoned with... The pain i've had has been going on intermittently for the past few weeks... for the past five days i've been going on walks/slow jogs everyday trying to get my heart rate up since I live a mostly sedintary lifestyle... I sure hope that the pain is just anxiety or just something else benign unrelated to my heart. I would say pray for me, , lol, but I know most of you including myself don't beleive in any of that anymore.... Thank you guys, , love you all!

Hortensia

You'll relax in a while. You might need some anxiety meds for a bit. It's a hard pill to swallow -- ceasing to exist. It does make life more precious and makes me determined to live it in a worthwhile way. One thing to realize is that you won't know you're dead, at least that made me relax about the whole thing.

Lots of people, including me, seem to have anxiety on leaving the wtbts, for lots of reasons. I know counseling helped me a lot, and so did the anxiety meds. That's way behind me now and I don't worry about it any more. I think you'll get there, too, but you might need some help at first.

finally awake

I hope you get a handle on your anxiety levels, it would be a shame to waste the years you have here worrying about what will happen after you die.

ruderedhead

Anxiety sucks! I've had it. The wt teachings amke it really bad for someone who may be predisposed to this condition. Everyone is different, but exercise helps me deal with the stress of it. If you can make time, please try to do some type of physical activity daily and see if it helps.

Once you have insurance, you may want to see a doc about some anti anxiety meds until you can get a handle on this. You need some normality in this life after being in a high control, guilt driven cult. Time will be your best healer. You will find new friends and activities to fill your time, and that may help you.

Are you ready to look at other churches? That may help you, and if you find one, the pastor or whomever may be able to assist you in overcoming the guilt that has been pushed on you.

All the best on your journey. It will get better.

cultBgone

when I realized that I maybe had twenty years left on this earth, if I actually took care of myself...I was soooo depressed! When MORTALITY hits your brain it is just so hard to fathom, when you've been taught that you will Live Forever™.

the good news is that you move past that, and you'll decide to relish the years you have left.

(((Hugs)))

prologos

I had anxiety attacks when I was in my 20s, perhaps a hormonal thing? Now that I am pushing 90, 80 receding into the past, things have quieted down. Of course

when you are young, you still have so much to live for, so much time ahead, so much to loose, and you want to make it count.

old age offers a different perspective: Life. TIME is more precious, because there is so litlle left.

What I really hate....

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