5 years inactive and still sometimes I'm haunted.

by ctrwtf 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • ctrwtf
    ctrwtf

    I've lately been thinking about the pernicious nature of the belief by the JW's that they are the one and only true religion. How this belief allows for an egotistical world view and allows them to shun and denegrate those that do not share their opinions.

    Please pardon my round about thinking process as I've been mulling this rant for some time. While my father's side of the family has been entrenched with the JW's for two generations before him, my mother was a new convert. In retrospect, I really don't think she was as gung-ho as my dad. Growing up, I can remember some of the arguments they had. These were not literally knock-down drag out fights, but pretty close. So much for the fruitage of the spirit. They would fight and scream at each other into the wee hours.

    Mostly, they fought about family. My mom resented the fact that any vacation time my father spent was with his family. Of course, this included literal vacation, but also three assemblies per year. Back in the day these were (two) three day Circuit Assy's and a four or five day District or Int'l Assy. Needless to say, my mom felt like she and her side of the family were neglected. To add fuel to the fire, my paternal grandmother and great-grandmother could be VERY controlling and demanding. Even demeaning. Again, so much for the fruitage of the spirit.

    As I look back, the effect of this division of families was emotionally devastating to my mom. The underlying and unspoken thought was that her side of the family were less than. Pagans destiined to die at god's hands for their disbelief. The irony lies in the fact that my matenal grandparents didn't have a mean bone in their body. They were universally loved and I looked forward to spending time with them.

    I can recall quite vivdly a statement made by my brother. He wondered aloud why we should spend any time at all with my mom's side of the family because they were unbelievers. He further went on to say that he had no love for them at all. At the time I didn't really apprecaiate the magnitude of those words. How with one swift statement, an entire heritage could be wiped away.

    Today, I have literally nothing to do with my siblings. Partly because we live in opposite corners of the country. But I suspect that it has more to do with the fact that we were taught that it's proper to write off family because you don't agree. I've never come out to them about my fade, but I think they suspect that I no longer believe. That makes it easier to lose touch. And to be honest, I really don't want to be in touch with people whose lives are filled with ignorance and hate.

    Mostly though, I have a feeling of loss. I lost the time I could have spent with my Mom's family, uncles, aunts and cousins. I've lost the relationships I could have had with my siblings had they not become egocentric thought controlled cult victims. I do however count my blessings. I've been able to free my wife and children from such a destructive belief system.

    To anyone out there making the mistake of thinking that this is just another religion, I say think again. It's divided families and crushed souls for generations.

  • Crazyguy
    Crazyguy

    I was just thinking about their doctrine about not celebrating christmas and birthdays when the bible at romans 14 and Collosians says clearly its ok. Its about deviding and seperating the believers from family and friends of non believers to isolate. This Cult is truly Evil.

  • kaik
    kaik

    ctrwtf, it gets better as time goes by. You can create a family of your own that is not related by blood with people who care and love you. Disfunctional families are not only domain of JW, but they deliberatelly destroy everything what family stands about. Certain things cannot be repaired as people die or many years are lost and gone. I have lost much of the past 20 years without my siblings, nieces and nephews who barely know I have ever existed. The best I believe you can do for JW left behind is to to have happy successful life. They can wait for big "A" that will never come living in poverty and misery without nothing to look upon this world. They made their choice, so did I and after years I really do not care much anymore. I wonder from time to time how life would be if my JW aunt did not drag my family into the WT, but this cannot be changed at all.

  • AlphaMan
    AlphaMan

    The Watchtower is the Waster of Time and the Destroyer of Families.

  • millie210
    millie210

    Thank you for taking the time to write out such a thoughtful post. You are helping others (well me anyway) who have a harder time putting simliar feelings in to words.

  • sarahsmile
    sarahsmile

    I sure can relate to what you wrote. I trying to make up for lost time with uncles and aunts. Found out that I have a 98 year old aunt!

    Back in those days religious people would argue about some doctrine and that would be it! Cross one legs or remarried! Why bother ever sharing a religious view point if it prevented people to never speak. My mother seemed to want to try to preach to relatives and it kept them away. Relatives were all very nice about it but she would not let it go. Points to prove. She would need to bring it up. Preaching was her thing and she thought she had the truth. Meanwhile, the relatives had their understanding. Basically they argued doctrines. I still have not found that side of the family.

  • dozy
    dozy

    I know how you feel. My "worldly" relatives were all a decent bunch yet on growing up we had to almost shun them as bad association. It does feel like I missed out on a lot of fun with my cousins etc.

  • PaintedToeNail
    PaintedToeNail

    So often JWs, including our families, are taught that they will gain 'brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers' in the faith. JWs are encouraged to push away anyone not in the faith. Recently, I have had Facebook conversations with my aunt, who I haven't seen in decades. She did mention that my parents were always witnessing and it did get tedious. I reconnected with my cousins on FB too, as we live over a thousand miles away.

    If you contacted your mom's family, they would probably realize that you didn't shun them, your father did, and by default your mother. They were probably missing your mom and her kids too. No Christmas's spent together, no birthdays to commemorate the kids getting bigger. 'Wouldn't it be nice if ___were here?' It isn't too late to TRY to connect with them. Until we are dead, it isn't too late.

  • KateWild
    KateWild

    ctrwtf,

    Thank you so much for your experience. I can resonate with it now as we are experiencing a difficult time as a family, at the moment. Tis made me feel grateful for the ties I have with my nonJW parents and the fact that when I was a JW I had a strong relationship with them.

    Thanks for sharing

    Kate xx

  • Oubliette
    Oubliette

    ctrwtf: I really don't want to be in touch with people whose lives are filled with ignorance and hate.

    Amen to that brother.

    This cult ruins families.

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