A Text Message Exchange (page 3)

cultBgone

Oubliette, my thoughts exactly on the shunning issue.

I always ask "would Jesus do this?" And you know, those WWJD bracelets may have been a good thing after all.

OnTheWayOut

Eventually, your friend will think he has to be the best of friends by turning you in.
I lost my best friend over fading and his concerns about me. He actually cut the ties, not the other way around.

But you might just need to be the tough one and say nothing about nothing, or even better- to just cut the ties.

He's a great friend. Don't take it personally. Watchtower has it's hooks in him. Cut him loose. Blame them, not him.

Emery

@Pyramid God – Thank you. You’re right; most JWs will only parrot what the WT Library CD tells them.

@Giordano – My thoughts exactly. I don’t plan on explaining my reasons any longer. There was a lot of closure after having this conversation with him and that is all I really needed.

@Painted ToeNail – Thank you. Yeah there’s not much more he could do once I took the preaching work argument away from him.

@Hey There – Thank you. That’s essentially what bothered me. I didn’t want him to take my lack of association with him personal. I felt I owed him that especially considering what he and his family had done for me over the years. There are many JWs who are capable of being great long-life friends but only conditionally.

@eyesuse2badub – What are we twins? haha. The “wait on Jehovah” approach is a very convenient thought stopping technique when it’s not used against them. Try using this example on your friend: Say that you started a bible study with a Catholic at the door, it progressed and you managed to show him everything that is wrong with the Catholic religion. Yet, he does nothing and continues being a Catholic because his priest told him to “wait on Jesus” after sharing with him all that is wrong with the church. Now, is your bible study off the hook when it comes to his spiritual fate? Couldn’t anyone from any faith “wait” on their deity to correct things? Is it productive to wait when the answers are already provided for in the bible?

@cultBgone – I agree. I plan on discontinuing the conversation for this very reason. I too noticed his attitude and unwillingness to be open minded.

@AndDontCallMeShirley – I thought the same thing once he said it, but I tried.

@Oubliette – He’s certainly misinformed. It’s sad how predictable JWs are in their debates.

@Iriddle80 – I really wanted to use that scripture from James! However, I didn’t want to feed anymore “apostate” ideas through text message.

@leaving_quietly – Great point! I will use this next time if necessary.

@redvip2000 –Thank you. Funny how they’re all programmed to respond with the same nonsense over and over again. My friend managed to use nothing but logical fallacies throughout his text messages.

@Crazyguy – I agree. I believe he would deny that all JWs exalt themselves and judge others. He would probably blame it on the usual “imperfection” of others.

@BoC – Unlimited texting FTW!

@A.proclaimer – Great points!

@ABibleStudent – I actually plan on saying something like that to him next time we talk, thank you for the advice!

@Ding – I don’t plan on continuing the conversation with him, thanks for the advice!

@OnTheWayOut – I’ve thought about it and I could totally see him doing something like that. Looks like we all go through this very harsh disconnection process at some point. I’m about 90% done with my friendships in the organization. I’ll soon be done with the other 10%, thanks for the advice!

cultBgone

(((((hugs)))))

disposable hero of hypocrisy

Wow, great thread, thanks for sharing, I feel there will be several conversation like this in my future. I only hope I can reason as well as you did... Well done!

steve2

you both drew each other on to the dance floor and lightly skipped the fandango, twirling this way and that, trying hard not to let go the feather-light grip. Despite joint best efforts, you were both assailed by a tub of sticky candyfloss dropped from on high as you fought over who would lead the way..... Or were you really just texting?

Splash

While a fade is often the easiest because it's gradual and 'under the radar', it has its' own inherant difficulties, namely
1. It takes months or years
2. You are never really free from future contact and efforts to bring you back.

An alternative which deals with both of these but requires dealing with conflict at the outset, is to come out and say that you do not wish to disassociate yourself, but you will not be going to meetings any more.

You will have to argue your point that not going to meetings is not synonymous with disassociation, but there are things you can say to remove the pressure a bit, like "I want to leave a way open for me in the future, but I can't do this right now". Don't get drawn in, don't accept a visit from two elders, just insist you have done nothing wrong but want to stop the meetings for now.

There will be efforts to help you, but deal with these and you can be free in a month.

Another option combines this break with a fade.
Start by fading and at the first attempt to 'help' you, instigate the break.

Splash.

Emery

@steve2 - lol, yes we really were just texting. He might of been on his iMac typing through imessage but I surely wasn't. My neck was sore and my fingers were fried that day.

KateWild

Thanks for posting this experience. You were very tactful and considerate, but still he brought up apostates, this goes to show that JWs are very aware of apostates and sense if another JWs has been on "other" JW websites.

Kate xx

gingerbread

A friend that you grew up with can be a great friend - understanding and supportive. The danger is that as JW's we are conditioned to reject 'false teachings' of apostates. If your friend suspects that you are doing this to him, he will drop you like a hot potato.

JW friendships are always 'conditional' - on the condition that you are an active Witness. Otherwise you are labeled as bad association.

Don't feel discouraged when your friend no longer communicates with you. It will happen at some point.

He is a victim of confirmation bias.

All the best - -

ginger

A Text Message Exchange

Share this