Maybe you should tell your daughter that they view u as dead, and then plants some seeds in her head to ask your parents. Like Jesus said to love everyone andto treat ones not follers of Christ as men of the nation's.
I am DF'd now... Decisions, decisions...
by Comatose 34 Replies latest jw experiences
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Giordano
I am sorry you are going through this with your parents. Unfortunately t he WT is very reckless with their followers. Shunning is a hurtful punishment that breaks up families and continues for generations.
Over the years the Society has also acted recklessly by using intimidation to prevent followers from getting a life saving blood transfusion when it was and still can be the only option possible. If you can't trust your parents to protect your child in the event of an accident you really can't permit unsupervised visits.
You have decided to raise your daughter in a more human and progressive manner. Therefor there can be no visits if your entire family is disrespected. Your a package deal.
Until they can act like loving grandparents no healthy contact is possible.
You didn't abandon them you abandoned a reckless religion.
There is nothing to gain by confusing your daughter with your parent's negative intentions.
No visits at this time is what I and my wife would opt for.
By the way make sure you have a will and an arrangment for who will continue to raise your daughter ........just in case. My wife and I made sure that was in place as soon as our son joined us.
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thedog1
Hi, just like to mention that one of my extended family is DF'd and his mother wants to see the grandchildren. They have worked out something as she does not want to miss out on their lives even though their dad is dF'd. Other members of the family have a hands off relationship with him but they do not shun him. In the part of the world they live in the dictat for immediate family to take a hardline view on shunning is not taken so seriously. I am an elder and I have always thought that immediate family should have more leeway than others in the cong who would be expected to completely shun a df'd person. When I meet this df'd relative I always greet him and small talk with him. I would never completely shun him as it would go completely against the grain of normal immediate family relationships. How would it be if I shunned him and his fleshly sisters who are also witnesses talk to him and deal with him to some extent? I view this as normal Christian human kindness, so we all get along ok, even though we do not see him very often at all, and he knows we are a bit wary of him because he is df'd , but we treat him as a person, not a statistic!
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Band on the Run
If my relatives shunned my parents, I would believe they were fools. As an adult every time I visited my JW relatives, there was only JW talk. Part of the problem was that they were so isolated they could not even discuss the weather or popular TV shows. I wanted to screech at them sometimes. My mom, sister, and I would roll our eyes at each other. Small children are very impressionable.
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Comatose
Thats true too Band... And my family would probably do it even more to "remind her of Jehovah". Makes me sick...
The last time I ate with my dad and brother together they talked about service, meeting parts, and funny people in their hall for like a half hour. I just sat there...
Never again. I decided if it ever happens again, I'm going to speak up and say "Wow, I am glad I don't have to go to meetings anymore!".
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jamiebowers
Bigmac hit the nail on the head! If your parents want to see your child, they can do it at your house with you present....period....end of story.
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AudeSapere
Comatose - You were so very helpful to me when I had a family issue last year. I wish I could return the favor with splendid insight that would make your current situation easy.
Sadly, I cannot.
I tend agree with those that say it is more damaging a child to see their own parent treated with disdain - or worse, treated as if non-existent/dead.
I can tell you, though that some JW grandparents (even some that are prominent in the org) find a way to be civil to their DF siblings and have/maintain relationships with their grandchildren.
Sometimes it might lead to elders stepping 'aside'. Sometimes not.
Either way, it's a crappy deal for all involved. Damn Cult.
-Aude.
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Oubliette
Comatose: They will say its me causing the pain and believe it.
Just 'cause they believe it, doesn't make it so.
Comatose: My mom ... said to remember I made this decision not them.
This is true, but ...
Comatose: They are welcome in my home. It's their choice.
... now they have a choice!
And now it will be THEM that is causing the pain. Whether or not your parents see it, who can say. Only time will tell. But I am sure your little daughter will see it for what it is.
You extend the invitation, they fail to respond positively. Your daughter will know.
Your parents are in a cult. Everyone loses.
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carla
Your family should be a package deal, if you are dead to them so is your child. Protect her. If they cannot be civil around you and your child at the same time why would you want people like that around her?
Let them know in no uncertain terms what the new boundries will be concerning YOUR child and her upbringing and who she will see or not. They can make the choice then and not leave it as if you have decided to act in such an ungodly way re: shunning.
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Comatose
Aude - Thanks so much for the kind words. :) It means a lot. I will hope for the best and probably even print out some info from the elder book to try to get them to be reasonable. We will see.
Oubliette - Thanks as well. You are right. I told them both I am still me and still ready to talk if you ever feel you can.
Carla - Right on. I too feel it should be a package deal I think. I need to work out some boundaries and get my mind around it then try to reason with them.