Is it normal to feel you have betrayed your spouse when you learn TTATT?

by BU2B 20 Replies latest jw friends

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  Oubliette

  Really great thread and terrific comments from everyone!

  I did feel that I was the betrayer for quite a while, and then I realized that those feelings were just more of the indoctrinated guilt and mind-alterning effects of WT propaganda.

  The reality is this: It was the WT religion that betrayed me!

  Jehovah's Witnesses pretend to be something they are not. They claim to be "God's Visible Organization on Earth, the One True Religion!" They most definitely are not that.

  In contract law, when one party fails to perform, the contract is generally null and void. The other party is no longer bound to uphold their obligation under the terms of the contract. The WTBTS not only fails on all their promises, they are fraudulent in all their representations. If it weren't for the fact that religions are not held to the same standards as ordinary individuals and business, they could be sued civilly and also prosecuted criminally. ... Sigh!

  Such is the current state of the world. Religious fraud is generally exempt from sanction.

  All of that being said, I do understand how my ex- felt when I started waking up to TTATT. I tried to wake her and get her to leave. She wanted none of it. From her point of view, I betrayed her. But the fact is, our religion betrayed us both. I wanted out. I would have loved for her and our children to leave with me. They all chose to stay.

  It will be interesting to see what happens if any of them ever wake up ...
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  BU2B

  Great Points ABS and Oubliette..

  I like Oubliettes point to always remember that it is the WT that has lied and betrayed us all with its false promises, misrepresentations, and overall guilt tripping deciet. I must always remember that Its not that I have changed, so much as I have realized that what the WT organization teaches are fallacious deceptions on the whole. They have let us down and betrayed us with their false teachings. We have seen the man behind the curtain, but others wont look at him and if they do they wont believe that he is really controlling the wizard. They need to believe that an all powerful Wizard (Jehovah) will bring them home (paradise earth) to acknowledge it is a scam would be to give up hope of ever getting there, and the realization that this is it.. This "wicked system is it. Then you always have the question.. If this is not the truth than what is? As if there must be an organization teaching truth.. It is tough.

  One time my wife got really upset and she picked up a magazine and said, "so these are all useless then? Should we just throw them away?" The point wanst what they have right, but the key things they have wrong. Any magazine in the world has some good tips, advice or points, but that does not a true religion make.

  1 issue of the Oprah magazine is more useful than 10 years of Watchtowers and Awakes, and I dont even like Oprah!
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  The Searcher

  My wife (ex-pioneer) calmly looked at the Scriptural evidence which PROVED that the the Org was not "directly inspired by God", and in fact, proved they were spouting lies to create and preserve the hierarchy at Brooklyn as a money-making machine. Now she is really "tuned in" to the overtly corrupt propaganda in the Study Watchtowers - the ONLY publication we both read now!

  Her main concern is that she could lose her family, one of whom is an elder. So it's a case of gently, gently fading before we implement the final part of our exit. In the meantime, no contributions, no acceptance of "privileges", and questionable monthly reports - which no one has the guts to question so far!

  I can only hope that my prediction of large numbers being distressed/bewildered by the letters from Branch, but especially the Annual Meeting shocks in October this year, will include your wife! Best wishes for her.

  I reckon the G.B. have been priming the sheep since the July 15 2012 Study Watchower, and now it's time to round them up, fleece them, and deal severely with those who resist/refuse to be fleeced!

  I genuinely fear for all those whom I care about who are walking into something willingly with their eyes wide open, but their minds totally closed!!

  I now realise that THEY have to make the first move to learn TTATT, because anything I say just sounds like "apostasy".
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  SAHS

  The key here is honesty. It would be understandable if a marriage mate became upset and felt betrayed if their other half had already come to know TTATT before the marriage but deliberately decided to go through with it anyway. It would be like a man courting a woman for a while and then getting married to her, only to realize later on the big honeymoon night that she actually has an Adam’s apple and the plumbing to go with it. Now don’t you think that poor gentleman would have the right to be a tad disappointed with the “woman” he ended up marrying, which in this case was actually a man, if “she” (he) deliberately failed to come clean on the gender issue BEFORE the marriage? I would not be too happy, to say the least. (Unlike that movie The Crying Game, such a real-life scenario would not really be funny; the reality of it would be too bitter and distasteful a pill to swallow, I’m sure.)

  Now, however, if both parties went into the marriage innocently believing in the WTS’ song and dance at the time and then one of them (husband or wife; it doesn’t, of course, matter which one) discovers TTATT afterward, then, well, it would obviously and rightly be understandable, because it wouldn’t be a case of trying to pull the wool over the eyes of the prospective marriage mate and deliberately leading them along just to secure the marriage. (Everyone obviously has the right to, and damn well should, search and find out TTATT, regardless of what kind of relationship or union they find themselves in.) In that case it would be the WTS which both the husband and wife could rightly be upset with and feel betrayed by, because the WTS has knowingly been leading on and misleading folks right from the get-go.

  The unfortunate thing, of course, is that when a person comes to know TTATT, it is often too late because they have already found themselves married to someone who is strongly allied with the WTS but hasn’t (at least yet) discovered TTATT. Many, many people are finding themselves in that situation, and, unfortunately, this works to maintain the de facto power of the WTS’ control mechanism; i.e., shut up and believe/obey or we’ll cut you loose from your close loved one. (What’s that called again . . . . oh yah, “blackmail.”) Their shunning thing is a really stupid and evil tactic, but unfortunately it works and they’re getting away with it (at least up to now).

  The only thing I can say is, Just be honest to others, but also be true to yourself, . . . . or at least as much as you can do both at the same time.
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  frankiespeakin

  I have a hard defining what is normal and what isn't so I could process the question too many variables.
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  gingerbread

  Once you accept the fact that the 'Governing Body' members are not being used by Jesus, are not anointed with a future as heavenly kings/judges and that the organizations beliefs are based on fallacious premises and distorted conjecture, you'll feel betrayed by the Watchtower Society.

  You then realize that you no longer answer to them - you don't have to and you won't.

  Your lives are in your hands. And that's a good thing!
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  TheListener

  I haven't read everyone's comments yet but personally I did feel like I betrayed my wife in a sense. She married me partly based on the fact that we believed the same things and could spiritually support each other. I felt like I had to be quiet and not rock the boat and that I had to apologize all the time for changing my beliefs. Someone close told me that marriage mates should be able to grow and change but still keep their relationship strong because a marriage is built upon many items. That same person told me that I needed to stop feeling apologetic and be loving, considerate, caring and supportive. I think that is how we ended up with our current situation of not discussing the elephant in the room and remaining mostly happily married. Of course, all of this will be put to the test as the kids get older and act like regular "worldly" kids and not witnesses. If anything bad happens I will be the first and only scapegoat for all issues. Because, you know that nothing bad ever happens to witness kids (lie lie lie).
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  disposable hero of hypocrisy

  Well put, everyone above! I feel guilty all the time for this, and that's only in my mind as I'm still in! The missus knows I have serious doubts but doesn't seem to want to talk about it. I suppose it's taken me years to wake up, I can't expect any less for her. let's hope so for all of us. We should form a club!
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  sd-7

  The key here is honesty. It would be understandable if a marriage mate became upset and felt betrayed if their other half had already come to know TTATT before the marriage but deliberately decided to go through with it anyway.

  Yeah, I agree with this. I would say that any attempts on my part to bring up TTATT were my attempts at honesty, but she ignored them and pretty much got me to agree to stay in the org, which I did. I wasn't even actually going to leave the JWs until she brought up the whole apostasy issue at the JC. From that point on, maintaining the aforementioned deal was off, for me.

  I think it seemed rather irrelevant at the time, given all the fornication that was going on then. By all logic, I figured we were both toast as far as 'da troof' was concerned anyway. Since she wasn't exactly acting like a JW herself, it didn't particularly make a difference. Really, both of us were living a lie as far as the JWs were concerned; it's just she got away with it and got a slap on the wrist from the elders, whereas I got grilled for a few hours and given the boot. So...if we really wanted to look at it honestly, I'd say we both betrayed each other, in my case.

  --sd-7
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  Nice_Dream

  I think it's normal to feel that way. I learned TTATT before my husband did, and I felt horrible causing him such pain as his belief system crumbled. I also felt like I drove a wedge between him and his entire family of devout JWs. We now walk on eggshells so we aren't complletely shunned by his family. Learning TTATT gave us freedom, but we also lost our structure and purpose in life. It is taking us awhile to adjust still. The only consolation is that our children are being raised as regular kids, and they will have many more opportunities than we had as children which makes it all worthwhile.

  Being married at such a young age, most JWs haven't fully developed themselves, let alone question their belief system. People change over time, and it must be very challenging for those whose spouses remain inside the religion.

  We weren't intentionally trying to betray our partners; the JWs make it seem like losing your faith is the worst thing in the world one can do. However, we were betrayed by the Watchtower into believing their version of "the truth."