Today I Da'd -Twenty-five years ago. Regrets -some.

by Xanthippe 33 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Xanthippe
    Xanthippe

    Yes twenty-five years ago today we sent in our DA letter. Some regrets, not about leaving the cult obviously, but sometimes when I read about people slowly fading and keeping in touch with family and friends I wonder if we should have done that. Of course it was before the internet in 1989 so we didn't know about people fading.

    One day we were driving along and we had been talking about moving congregations because we knew something was wrong but of course we thought it was local. Then I suddenly said why don't we just rent a cottage somewhere, just us and the cat, in the countryside, not go to the meetings and just be on our own for a while, just us. Yes my authentic self was surfacing. My husband said no we can't do that. Now if I hadn't had my brain turned to mush by illness and five years of clinical depression I would have argued with him. I gave in, we moved congregations, they were just as bad.

    We found CoC in the library, saw TTATT, sent in our letter and the rest is history. Sometimes I see that moment in my mind as one of those pivotal moments, you know? I wish we'd got away by ourselves in that cottage with our little cat and slowly deprogrammed and faded.

    Having said that, phew quite emotional, I think my family would have hounded us and knowing the people we were we would have blurted it out that it's corrupt and a false religion now. Then the shit would have hit the fan anyway. So I suppose because of the way we were, honest, straightforward, that was probably the only way it could have gone. We were born-ins, taught not to lie, that's what I mean.

    Anyway we left, got degrees, good jobs, bought a little house, had a beautiful baby girl, did some travelling. Had almost twenty years together out of the borg before he died. So I suppose we did alright. We were shunned by my family and it was hard work making new friends. Nothing is perfect is it?

    So how about you, any regrets in the way you left?

  • new hope and happiness
    new hope and happiness

    great story..and congratulations...and yes regrets for the way( when) i left, but better late than never....

  • quellycatface
    quellycatface

    What a great story.thanks for sharing.I hope you carry on posting and offering your wise words.

    I da'd nearly 3 months ago.every day gets better.no guilt, no avoiding witnesses in case they ask me why I wasn't at the meeting at such and such time.no ministry, no boring personal study, no glad handing people at the Kh I don't really like.letting my hair down.living.life.

    Its a wonderful world.

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    I think of the situation which Peter, Andrew, James & John, (and the others!) were in, prior to meeting up with Christ. They were decent people who must have been sickened by the behaviour and corrupt teachings of their priesthood, but they didn't D/A from their faith, just the false practices of their religion!

    They knew the scumbag religious leaders would destroy their family lives if they highlighted the falsehoods of the clergy. Nothing changes, does it?

  • suavojr
    suavojr

    I am sorry he passed away but imagine the true freedom and hapiness you felt together and far away from dogma and the legalistic WT. We all win and lose in life but enjoying it the way we want is priceless.

  • humbled
    humbled

    Xan,

    I admire your straight-ahead manner. Even honest about regret.

    I don't have family hostage. But when I was struggling with the WT I was too overwhelmed at what was taking place to imagine an exit that entailed more than shutting a door and not looking back.

    I wish I had a strategy by which to talk to others about why I got out. I had 3 dear friends that i will always miss. O well.

    I am glad you hatched one out when you left!

    Take care,

    Maeve

  • Xanthippe
    Xanthippe

    Thank you lovely people it means a lot to me that you replied. Saved me just sitting alone with my glass of wine feeling half like celebrating and half like crying. It was kind of you to say it was a great story because sometimes I just remember how traumatic it was, the pain was searing.

    Which is why I think those of you who are fading and making great lives for yourselves are doing fine. Why should you be honest with this monstrous cult? On the other hand I understand those who like me made a clean break because for some of us it's the only way.

    Thanks Maeve I'm glad I hatched one too She's the best, my strong, clever daughter.

    Any more stories, regrets?

  • sspo
    sspo

    I spent 32 years, from 1975 to 2007 in the borg, very active as an elder but now when i drive past a KH hall i just wonder how in the hell did i stay that long.

    Life is good without the cult and being a slave of a few power hungry individuals that reside in NY.

  • Hortensia
    Hortensia

    My only regret is that I didn't wake up earlier. I love reading the stories here of young people who are still teens and making plans to escape the wtbts. I wish I had done that.

    I'm sorry you lost your husband. You must miss him. How nice that you had a good marriage and some happy times together.

  • JWdaughter
    JWdaughter

    You had each other and your daughter and freedom. There's no guarantee you would have had that if you tried to play the fading game-who knows how they might have sucked you in again if they did't set you outside their reach by the DFing.

    No regrets at all, please. You had a good life together and you have the future ahead. Im glad you didn't lose each other or your opportunity for a family of your own.

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