I agree, to some degree at least. The big difference the power behind the people using it.
When the Jdubs say apostate they are most likely using it with the same derision as somone who uses the N word.
But for most of us it does not affect us in our daily lives so it has no real power.
The N word, on the other hand, is often used by people with some level of control over black people. Somone that uses that word could very well be in a position to deny them a job, a place to live, good service at a restuant etc.....
Now ask someone who has lost their family because of being labeled an apostate and see how they feel about it.