I want to play too

by Lars_Ulrich 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • Lars_Ulrich

    Hi All,
    Just want to say how much I appreciate this site. I’m addicted- I just can’t help coming back every day.
    I’ve been telling all my friends- this is the Spinal Tap of Witness sites, the Monty Python for brothers. So who are you guys really, Bethelites preparing for the annual talent show, or do you actually work with the writing committee?
    I know that “Monty Python & the Holy Grail” is like the #1 movie at Bethel, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised you would do your own unique version, tailored for the brothers.
    I love the cast you’ve created- the dysfunctional chick who’s perpetually involved with losers and now it turns out she speaks in tongues but still goes to one meeting a week “just in case”.
    I bet it turns out her last boyfriend said “gimme some tongue” and got more than he bargained for. LOL
    The ethnic touch with the inactive Cajun elder is cool too. I picture him talking like Inspector Clouseau, sitting on the porch of his shack out on the bayou, eating mudbugs and playing Clifton Chenier on the accordion. I bet he and the tongue girl get together later.
    There’s just the right touch of paranoia too. I love the posts that say, “let’s not post our pictures cause the elders might be watching.”
    If they are, then they’re ROTFL just like I am. I wouldn’t be surprised if the GB read it as well, just to brighten their day.
    The suggestions are hilarious, especially the one about paying the elders and exempting them from field service. I’m a sucker for great parody, and you guys are masters of the genre.
    It’s like an alternative universe stuck in the 50’s when people actually believed the mantra that “blood saves lives”. Just the right touch of grimness for the 21st century when the use of blood in surgery is going the way of the leech.
    The posts about “I think Jehovah accepts you as you are” have just the right touch of the ludicrous- a clever parody of Christendom where they gladly accept practicing homosexuals and pedophiles.
    (“Yeah, that’s the ticket”- Jon Lovitz voiceover)
    I bet you’re wondering what gave it away. I admit, it did catch me off guard a bit at first, until I realized this was an ensemble cast doing an elaborate put-on. Here’s what you might want to change:
    The posts about people coming to meetings and sitting there bored or doing other things just doesn’t ring true. I won’t even sit in front of the TV watching a boring show, much less get dressed up and go somewhere to be bored. The reality is that those people just wouldn’t come at all.
    Also the part about how people just come and pretend. I don’t think so. Real witnesses would just walk away. For one, we have to take too much crap (ridicule from workmates, schoolmates, flag salute, holidays etc.) that it takes too much effort to be a witness to just fake it. The reality is that nobody gets disfellowshipped for walking away. You just don’t go to meetings for a while, and maybe the elders will come by once, and you just say you haven’t been feeling well or you’ve had to work a lot of overtime, and they leave you alone.
    There’s a reason the Gestapo couldn’t break us: True witnesses have an extremely strong will, and it’s very difficult to force them to do something they don’t want to do. I think very few would be hypocritical enough to fake it if they had “nagging doubts”.
    Life’s too short, they would just walk away and get on with something new and different. There’s no real penalty, and if you see a brother at the Mall you can still speak to him just like old times.
    But that’s a minor gripe of what is overall a great production. The air of self-delusion is a stroke of genius. A group of covert “reformers” who think they can really change things when they can’t even agree on the changes. It’s like 10 people saying “I won’t pay taxes so the IRS will just have to change.” The idea that the WTS might actually be frightened of a pathetic group of dysfunctional witnesses airing out their grievances on the Internet is hilarious.
    Forget TV, this is the REAL X-Files. (“They’re out there”)
    But enough praise. Here’s the real reason for the post.
    I want to play too.
    How about if I’m the pioneer who’s having an affair with an elder’s wife. It’s not a disfellowshipping offense because a secret letter has been received stating that if an elder has three or more committee meetings a week, his wife can look for attention elsewhere. My screen name could be Fulltime_Molester.
    Give me some feedback. If you don’t like that one, I have some others that maybe I’ll just throw on the forum and see where it leads.
    Once again guys, my hat’s off to you.
    This is great stuff.

  • Seven

    Lars, "I want to play too," he whines. May I suggest that you learn to play nicely with yourself. By the way, welcome to the forum. The possible role you have selected for yourself as the pioneer having an affair with the elder's wife has been played to death elsewhere. The screen name Fulltime_Molester however is all wrong!! How about Fulltime_A**h***. ("Yeah, that's
    the ticket"-Jon Lovitz voiceover) I am so looking forward to ignoring each and everyone of your future posts.

  • Martini

    Hi Friend,

    The idea that the WTS might actually be frightened of a pathetic group of dysfunctional witnesses airing out their grievances on the Internet is hilarious.

    After reading your post may I be the first to say ;"Welcome, you have come to the right place...I do believe you 'fit right in' with the rest of us 'dysfunctional witnesses'!"

    The posts about “I think Jehovah accepts you as you are” have just the right touch of the ludicrous- a clever parody of Christendom where they gladly accept practicing homosexuals and pedophiles.

    Have you ever heard the saying:"hate what the person does not the person"?

    Based on that thought we accept all kinds of people here .What about you? Or would you suggest Jehovah God is partial?


  • spectromize

    Welcome Lars Ulrich,

    Also in reply to:" I know that Monty Python & Holy grail is the #1 movie at Bethel..."

    Of course it is, everyone knows that, duh?, we follow our bethelite human leaders on all new light since the 50's , even if it means catapulting dead cows in the field ministry once in a while.

    Love your sense of humour that's probably why we are watchtower brothers. I bet you are 15 years old, son of an elder promoted to ministerial servant for handling the microphones and prominent window washer in your town looking to possibly joining the full crew of Monty at bethel in the near future to dispense spiritual light on the holy grail!

    Cheers to you Ulrich, and make sure you don't use a large grail when your drinking it seems to affect your small brain quickly enough, and notice I didn't say your head. Cheers again to Lars and alcohol!

  • Simon

    Hi Lars_Ulrich
    I get the impression that our discussions about the WatchTower Bible & Tract Society and the doubts that many Jehovah's Witnesses are having bothers you a great deal - it must do or else you wouldn't have bothered to make that post.
    However, this is no excuse for mocking people who have genuine concerns and want to discuss them with others.
    At one time I was exactly like you and, I'm afraid to say, I even defaced someone's web site who I considered 'an evil apostate'. Now I am ashamed of what I did because I understand things a bit more fully.
    Maybe when you understand more and don't have such a narrow view of things you can come back and join in meaningful discussion. Until then though, feel free to visit Witnesse.Net or WitnessesOnline.com where I am sure you will be happy discussing what your favourite color is and other safe topics.

  • waiting

    Greetings Lars_Ulrich,

    Please forgive what I'm about to say, seeing that you're a real Christian. I have a minor infection and the Dr. has me on groggy pain medication.

    Bite me.

  • Scorpion


    You can stop squeeling like a pig now.

    Keep posting, I enjoy your enthusiasm.

    Who knows, maybe you will learn something.

  • RedhorseWoman

    Reality.....when you've spent the major portion of your adult life believing something fervently...when you've defended your way of life against all comers....when you given up all the things that you were told were evil and Satanic....and then....

    You begin to notice that some things are not exactly right. Some lies were told. Some deceptions were enacted. All is not bright and shiny and free of blemish.....there are several small worms in the core of your presumably perfect apple.

    Well, Lars, at that point you begin to doubt that you're religion is, in fact, the only "truth". Perhaps you've made a major mistake....or perhaps not. Perhaps the fault lies within yourself.

    Jehovah's Witnesses do not really have a "really strong will". Jehovah's Witnesses have given their will over to a larger, presumably superior, entity. Most Jehovah's Witnesses simply accept whatever comes down the pike from Mother without question.....that indicates, not a strong will, but a willingness to "believe" in order to reap a future reward.

    So, Lars, welcome to the real world. Be careful, though.....the real truth may just burst your little iridescent bubble.

  • Lars_Ulrich

    This is getting good. Another stock character makes an appearance. The closet “free thinker” who knows a couple of JW terms and parrots shopworn phrases from W.J. Schnell’s great work of fiction “30 Years a Watchtower Slave”
    At least get your prejudicial quotes correct. What he said was: “I gave the best years of his life to 'the most totalitarian organization which was ever spawned in liberty-loving America and upon our freedom-loving soil' “
    Here, you’ll like this one. I think it holds a lot of appeal to every self-hating manic-depressive: He was, he says, 'imprisoned in the tightest organization on earth'
    Feel free to use that in your next creative post.
    In the meantime, perhaps you could break out of the cliché ridden apostate characterization (don’t get me wrong, it’s great as far as it goes) and extend your range a little by actually suggesting some positive non-brainwashing organization where poor robotic JW’s can go for upbuilding association after they’ve been deprogrammed.
    Sort of reminds me of all those pathetic first century Christians who chose to be lion food instead of dropping a pinch of incense on the fire acknowledging the divinity of the emperor. I guess they “gave their will to another entity”.
    Yeah, that’s a good one- actually dying for your beliefs. Too bad the Internet wasn’t around to teach them the error of their ways before it was too late.

  • Frenchy

    Well, here goes another jerk on ignore...

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