How did you tell your spouse you want out of the JW religion? (page 6)

Apognophos

Its hard because Im not sure I agree with ANYTHING they teach anymore, it is all so manipulative.

Well this is something I didn't know before. Did you still think some of it was the truth a couple years ago? That would explain your hesitance in not wanting to leave.

People will be very dissapointed with me.. Oh well, I know that is their problem not mine.

Exactly. You have to just make sure that you can hold your head high and look them in the eye and make it clear that you're not ashamed, that you're doing it for good reasons. It can be helpful to make a mental list of the things you've learned, the JW doctrines that are false, and go over it from time to time, for self-reinforcement.

KateWild

I had to tell my grown up daughter about ttatt. We have experienced injustice in the cong so she was already doubting if Jehovah really cared. I didn't tell her outright what I was learning, but I would say things like.. "you are good at making you own descisions" "You are good at critical thinking".

When a man from work showed her interest, I told her I didn't want her to have any regrets and end up an old spinster like some of the sisters we both knew. I wanted her to leave on her own terms.

I was still in but planing my exit, we were in different KHs. One day she came to me and said... "I haven't been to meetings for a month. I have stopped going"

We talked about our family circumstances and the injustices and she brought up all the child abuse issues in the WT. She even started a thread and told her story on this site. We both worried what the other would do, but it worked out in the end. We have had some rough patches waking up in different ways and coping in different ways, but I know she is fully awake and will never go back.

She's engaged and getting married soon, it all worked out for the best.

Kate xx

BU2B

Even last year, I partook privately at home because I thought it was the right thing to do. This year I am agnostic. I see no evidence that any higher power cares about the affairs on this planet. I do not believe in the Bible at all. When I first woke up to TTATT, I realized they were not following the bible.. Now although that is still true, I see clearly that YHWH is a brutal, selfish entity and cares nothing about women, slavery, genocide etc.. I cannot worship him or his son.

I really cant make a list of all their falsehoods, because everything is wrong. Just look t jwfacts.com! And thats the trouble! Trying to focus on one thing like the blood issue or the DF arrangement and not get sidetracked.

Instead of individual doctrines, I like to focus on the ROOT of what it means to be JW, UNQUESTIONING OBEDIENCE TO THE GOVERNING BODY. I like to show how they are not who they claim to be and where is the evidence they are directed by god at all! Give me evidence! They say everything in the WT comes from Jehovah, yet they say organ transplants are OK, then cannibalism, then OK again! Where is God in this? Seems like it is just men deciding things on their own doesnt it? And if it didnt come from god, what else that they teach is not from him, but just men?

To me the ever morphing generation teaching alone proves they are taking stabs in the dark. After the 6th or 7th change, shouldnt it be obvious that the "light is not getting brighter" but it is simply the best guesses of men that JWs must accept or get the boot!

Also "obeying the channel" is not a good enough excuse.. Jeremiah and the other prophets stood up to "the channel" who put up sacred poles and high places. When Aaron was "the channel" he demanded people worship a golden calf! This proves that just because God may have used a person or group does not mean they must be obeyed even when they are wrong. That is not scriptural. The Bible says that we are all responsible for our own actions.. Just following orders is not an scripturally or morally acceptable excuse as to why you let your child die for interpretations of men!

BU2B

That is great news Kate! You were tactful and supported her thinking. Didnt force your opinions on her.. Well done :)

James Brown

30 something years ago, I told my wife and family, I want nothing more to do with the Watchtower.

I told them not to talk to me as a Jw anymore.

My wife stayed in for 10 years after I left then she left about 20 years ago.

Since then my mother, brother, sister, father in law and brother and sisters in law have left.

Some are fading as we speak and a few are so hard core they will never see the forest for the trees.

Plus they have financial encumberments and incentives to be good JW's, As well as psychogical entanglements.

out4good3

The 2 books are now hidden in our home. If she finds them, my wife will go nuts.

When I finally came out to my wife, this was the biggest obstacle I had to face.......her feeling that JW-esque boundaries extended through her to the curb and that I had to answer to her if I wanted anything she deemed unfit as an active witness in the house.

This was something I had to be a little brutal about waking her up to. That I had just as much right to exercise my conscious and bring things I wanted not necessarily WT approved into a house "I" was paying for as she did. She's had the "happifying" privilege of not having to work for the past 16 years and I'd be damned if I was going to let her governing body goons in Brooklyn run my house by proxy.

We both help each other out with events we want to hold in our house.

I am planning for my family to have Thannksgiving in our house this year.

Frazzled UBM

BU2B - my experience is similar to that of undercover - I have gradually reduced my wife's concerns about being an 'Opposer' (she threatened leaving on more than one occasion) by putting her and our family first and showing her how much I love her unconditionally for who she is. She goes very infrequently now and even bought my son an Easter Egg and was pleased when I bought her one (it doesn't get much more pagan than that). She hasn't acknowledged that she doesn't believe any more but she is clearly putting our family ahead of the WBTS. So maybe it is time to make the jump and let the allegations and recriminations and threats of leaving (threats are one thing - acting on them is something entirely different) wash over you and show her the love and stick with her no matter what - bloody minded persistence is what is requirred - let her see your love for her is so strong that nothing will deter you. undercover is a good role model. You have two children together that will count for a lot. Do everything you can to avoid talking about whether the kids will be brought up in the Truth and focus on your love for her and the family and how that transcends everything. Good luck Fraz

Phaedra

It was a gradual process over a few years.

I was already in an unintentional fade when I started having doubts.

When I got online and learned TTATT, for some odd reason, I thought the stimulating articles and posts and paragraphs from COC would be as interesting to my JW husband as they were me. Not so.

He was on and off inactive, but always found resolve to explain away and rationalize and conclude that those who left were just twisting thing in favor of their own agenda, etc.

What I found strengthened my resolve... and his, I suppose.

He knows I don't want anything to do with being a JW, but hopes I'll come to my senses and come back.

I don't share stuff with him anymore.

We live and let live. I think him not being hardcore helps a lot.

Phae

BU2B

Thats what I am trying to do FrazUMB, show my love so when the time comes, she may see I am not a bad person.

twice shy

A good JW wife has to be submissive to the head of household. She doen't have to eat the dinner, but if you want it cooked she has to cook it and help prepare the table for the meal. If decorations are involved you can lovingly take the lead in that area.

Col 2:16 and Romans 14:4-10 will really go along ways to help in preaparing her mind mentally. You may want to help her put the watchtower material down and just read and discuss the bible on it's own merit.

She might actually start buying birthday gifts

Praying with you

Please don't forget that they too can be won over without a word (or very few well placed words).

I know that because I lived it. I was the witness won over as their foundation started to crumble at the WBT$. PM me if you would like specifics.

@JeffT ....LOL your story is too funny

How did you tell your spouse you want out of the JW religion?

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