I was really touched by those who responded to my story. Since posting it however, I have not felt like the strong person those who replied made me out to be.
Between posting my story, wanting to post my story at silentlambs, and the pure bullshit the WTS is spewing and causing those honest souls who risk and are feeling the wrath of the gestapo to protect victims, I haven't slept; My nerves are on a raw edge; My migraines won't go; I'm on the verge of tears out of the blue; I'm afraid of nightfall; I'm afraid of noises, of phonecalls, of mail. I'd kick the crap outa my heavy bag if I had the energy.
Right now all of my energy is put into not taking it out on my girls-(they must remain as unscathed by my experience as possible), not snapping at anyone, not taking a knife to my arms, and reminding myself of all the good advice I've ever given anyone in a similiar situation. In effect, I am presently frozen in the moment of breathing, of 'this too shall pass'. I'm really pissed that this never really goes away, but that is no excuse for giving into it.
It's a time of 'shit, here we go again'. (cue the song 'memories')
I know I can't possibly be the only one feeling this way with what is going on with silentlambs. I've no doubt there's alot of others doing exactly what I'm doing now. Just breathing.
I saw the thread where silentlambs has invited ppl to a candlelight ceremony. I'm asking that those who cannot attend to hold one of their own, remembering those who live and cope with this, as well as those who took their own lives because of it.
My experience is by no means unique. I really wish it was.