What are the feelings/thoughts within 24-48 hours of exposure to an undeniably true (for you) TATT?

by NeverKnew 39 Replies latest watchtower medical

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  Xanthippe

  When we found Crisis of Conscience in the library we just read it straight through. We thought the way the governing body treated the brothers in Brooklyn bethel who started questioning the teachings was just the same way the local elders acted, totally callous. Then we knew it was the same all the way through, top to bottom. One brother in Brooklyn I remember tried to show the GB some scriptures he was concerned about and they called his ideas horseshit. It sticks in my mind because he was so upset they called a discussion of the Bible horseshit.

  We couldn't sleep, my stomach hurt, I could barely eat. It was like being hit by a truck. We knew we had to leave but then what? We had to go out into the wide world. It was like those old medieval maps when people were afraid of sailing off the edge of the world, there be dragons.
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  magotan

  Extreme heartbreak, coupled with a strange sense of relief. I went to a meeting the next day or so, and it was surreal.

  Meetings became entertaining because I could easily see the lies. After they stopped being entertainng, they became both sad and frustrating.
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  Vidqun

  The edifice.

  UN/OSCE fiasco, pedophilia, CoC, and lies,

  A tidal wave of destruction.

  An edifice under construction for thirty years in ruins.

  As murky water dissipates, enter the light.

  History and prophecy are not to be denied.

  Every effort of man to emulate God and establish true worship to fail.

  Brick by brick,

  To start anew.

  May this edifice be fire resistant and earthquake proof.
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  LisaRose

  I felt great, after years of being stuck in a prison of my own making, suddenly the doors swung open and I was free. I Could now let go of the guilt and shame of not being good enough and start living my life however I wanted.
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  DATA-DOG

  I read COC and had a wave of relief come over me because I knew that I was not taking crazy pills. Also there was alot of "WTF's?!?!?" when I read older publications, lies and misquotes. I had to meditate on everything for some time. I had many sleepless nights and much anxiety. Finally, my brain said, "Now what???" I am still figuring that out. If the world was a bit different, I would tell my family that we were moving away and never going to the KH again. Sadly things don't work that way.

  DD
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  Pyramid God

  I was crushed, I felt like I had tunnel vision. It was like this black fog had enveloped me. I felt cold, alone and afraid. i honestly had no idea what I was going to do, I felt like my whole life had been derailed.

  If anyone has seen the movie 500 Days of Summer, the scene where he realizes that Summer is not getting back together with him and is instead marrying another guy is the perfect visualization for what it was like. When he walks outside and the whole cityscape is erased around him like a drawing is the perfect representation for how I felt.
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  Phizzy

  I got that feeling too Pyramid, but a long time after my "epiphany", which was realising 1914 was not in the Bible at all, and quite some time after I had learned a lot of TTATT on this Site and others.

  That feeling came as I stood in the K.H car park, and looked back at the place, I realised I was walking out entirely upon the life that was contained within, and that my whole world, and worldview, had just dissolved, to be replaced with I knew not what.

  I felt a twinge of sadness, I had been born in, and in for 58 years.

  I also felt a relief, I knew that I was stepping in to the unknown, but I knew that now I had control, as much as any human can, over my future.

  I drove home with a smile on my face, but an apprehensive feeling in my stomach.

  The apprehension soon went, the smile remains to this day.
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  Phizzy

  I should add that the stomach is still with me too, but now much bigger than it was at the time !
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  jgnat

  I've undergone several fundamental shifts in my beliefs, though never from exiting the Witnesses (never joined). Every time I took a few months or years to process the implications of that shift. I got introverted, and the exploration was very personal. Assumptions could not be taken for granted. It's unsettling, it's exciting, and the process itself is cathartic. Those around me have at times been disturbed by my change. They thought they "knew" me and then I wasn't. This is distressing for me too, because at the heart of it, I want to be understood.

  I'll give an example of "assumptions could not be taken for granted". I recall listening to morning birdsong, and automatically attributing it to the glory of God. Then I caught myself, "But you don't believe in God any more". Or do I? I'd been undergoing a fundamental shift in the nature of God, the pedestal had been knocked out from under so to speak, so old habits and ways of looking at the world could not be counted on. After a few minutes I concluded that I had not thrown God out with the bathwater, and I could continue to listen in awe and wonder to the morning symphony.
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  Vidiot

  Stunned and terribly alone.

  Later (after I'd worked up the nerve to explore the XJW community), relief that I wasn't bonkers for thinking the things I did.

  PS: (@ jgnat) These days, I think paradigm shifts are a healthy thing.