Child intimidated into no sports activities- suggestions please

by 4thgen 28 Replies latest social family

• 

  4thgen

  Hello all! My ex is an active witness. I've been endeavoring to socialize my child ad best as possible. He loves sports in school, but has been intimidated by his father that after school activities are evil. When I have signed him up, he makes excuses why he can't play. If anyone has any suggestions on how to handle this, I'd really appreciate it.

  PS I think I should add is that the reason for my concern, is that very shortly he will be too old for after school care. Shortly he will be on his own after school. I dont want him just hanging around with other kids getting into trouble. It would be better if he was in a structured environment. We are still working on making friends that are not Jws
• 

  jgnat

  Any lunch-hour activities he can get involved with? How about drop-in activities when you have custody?
• 

  jgnat

  Deal with the fear first, but you might have to deal with it obliquely. This is hard to explain. Boys aren't supposed to be afraid, so they simply say they don't want to. So you have to provide an example alongside, or a trusted friend alongside, doing the activity, to give him a safe place to try without revealing he is afraid.
• 

  4thgen

  I have full custody. Father visitation rights only every other weekend. So to play sports consistently every weekend is not possible.
• 

  DATA-DOG

  I have a child of 17. My child is naturally athletic, ahem..like their father..er..umm. SORRY! I get a little proud of my child sometimes [ also a WTBTS no-no. too much pride and all that..] I had to make time to play with my child because there were not always other children around. Bike rides, tennis, playing catch, wrestling around. Those are all great things to do. Children really do need to play every day, but not to the extreme.

  I understand that you want your child to interact with other kids. Do they play sports at school? Sometimes you can get a clue about what they like that way. My kid wouldn't talk about too much, except soccer and volleyball. That told me what they were interested in. Are they a little shy? It can be intimidating to play with other kids after a certain age. Cliques start forming early in school, and kids get labeled. A JW kid has another strike against them, so it can be difficult getting them out of their shell.

  I will say that being physically active is very important. I see so, so many young JWs that are overweight, or even obese. That is not a great start in life. You would think a religion that promotes respect for life would show respect for the health of their children. Sure, the Awake has had a couple of paultry articles about healthy activities, but then the GB turn around and make that lifestyle an impossibility due to the endless JW treadmill.

  I am sure you have it rough with full custody, and have stress of your own. Maybe you two can find something that you both like to do? That may be a good starting place, a warm-up if you will. Just have fun and see what happens.

  DD
• 

  FadeToBlack

  I agree with DD's idea. Maybe you can both go swimming together at the local pool. Get him some lessons if he likes it. Swim team is next.
• 

  KiddingMe

  You will need to help your son to understand that after school activities are not evil. If sports are evil, then why do JWs watch them? So it's important to help him to understand that his dad and JWs view them as evil because they fear the bad association and interference with service to Jah, etc. Help him to see that all non-JWs are not bad association and that whether he is involved in after school activities or not he will need to strive to avoid what is really considered to be "bad association".

  I agree with your concern and the structured environment. My child loves sports. I've seen good results from his involvment. He currently holds 3.5 gpa in honors classes, but was borderline before with failing grades. The coach requires biweekly progress reports with 2.5 or better and no failing grades in order to play. They sign a contract, no alcohol, no drugs, proper use of social network. He is too tired after practice to go hang out in the streets like he used to. Children get board easily and will find something to get into good or bad. There are at least 8 other JWs attending his school. I try to help him to understand the JW view of sports and that he must have respect and use discretion so as to not rub it in their face but at the same time, this is a personal decision that we have made and that he is not doing anything wrong, as long as he stays out of trouble.

  i hope the best for your son and that he's able to decide for himself instead of being intimidated with some imaginary "evil".
• 

  designs

  I encouraged both of my kids to get into school sports while we were JWs. They had a great time. Still it is tough for your child to have to battle with his dad whom I'm sure he loves. Find out the things your child does have an interest in, sports isn't everything, but keep encouraging curiosity about life.
• 

  PaintedToeNail

  If you feel his father has intimidated him into being afraid because of evilness, you could ask your son questions. "Do you know anyone who is bad that plays sports?" "If playing sports is bad, why does Daddy watch sports on TV? Does that make sense to you that he would be watching people who were bad?" and so on.

  Get him to start thinking for himself.
• 

  Band on the Run

  Well, I was female before Title IX so there were few organized sports for girls. Our school gym was deliberately left open after school with our phys. ed teacher present. Most of us played in the gym. My father would not give us permission to play team sports. It hurt. We could have received excellent tennis lessons that the county taught with a pro. The tennis courts were a few blocks from home. When he died, my brother with cerebral palsy signed up for the track team. Boys had so many opportunities in those days. There were Boys Clubs. No Girls Clubs. Nada.

  They say that team sports give boys an advantage in life. There must be a way to do it. I deeply regret having no skills in sports. No one encouraged me. There must be a way to address his fears without attacking his father. Perhaps just stating that when he is with you, he will be engaged in sports. I did have much fun playing in the street with the kids in my block. People assume I have all these social skills, including sports. You can't learn a sport in two hours. I never know whether to reveal that I was forbidden b/c of JWs.

  I noticed that the boys primarily socialized through sports teams. When my father died, I always attended sports events to lend support as a cheerleader. I had no clue what was happening. I have trouble figuring out baseball and football (forget it). It makes me nervous.

  Your son is fortunate to have you as a parent. I would love to learn even at my age. My ankle was smashed so many things are out.