Advice on children

Apostating

Hi all,

My ex-wife got married in december last year. So our visting arrangement with my children has changed. There was a misunderstanding in our visiting arrangment, we agreed on that they would spend the weekends (once in two weeks) with me they would stay until sunday.

However, she thought she could pick them up for the meetings in the morning, and i was sure they would stay until 19.00. This was a problem and i took my space and told her that i would not accept that. I made the proposal that every other weekend they would stay late with me, and the other weekend they could go to the meetings.

She countered with that she would like to let them be picked up by either my parents or some other couple to go to the meetings for a few hours and after that they will return to me. I instantly said no, but said that i will get back to her. My stance now is that i will never let anybody take my children to the meetings, other than their mother. When they are under my care nobody will take them to that evil place, without protection.

So i'm thinking now to propose that i will take them myself every other weekend, and the other weekend i will stay home with them. I am torn between spending time with my children and letting them go to the meetings. Also i am disfellowshipped and a very hardcore apostate. I think i could stand above the bullshit at the meetings, but i also have to consider the psycholigical impact on my children. They know i don't believe in Jehovah, and they are 7 and 5 years of age. I would not dress up as a jw, and would not allow them to shun me.

Any thoughts?

Thx

happy@last

I really feel for you and don't know what to suggest. However, as you are still and will always be an equal parent to your children you still have a say in their upbringing. If I were in your situation I would take legal advice and not allow the precious time you have with them be invaded by anyone else, and I would certainly never take them to any JW meetings.

Frazzled UBM

Why are you letting your ex-wife take them at all? Are you in the UK? Check my post earlier in the week on the UK legal approach to JW parent custody. Your kids are young and impressionable and the WBTS imbeds phobias in children to manipulate later in life. You need to fight now to prevent them being baptized when they are in their teens. I have a zero tolerance approach to exposure to WBTS indoctrination with my Witness wife. I am also happy to give you suggestions on how to talk to your kids to get them to see what is wrong with what they are taught at the KH. Good luck!

Daniel1555

Hi apostating

I might find myself in a similar situation as you.

My wife just left me because I believe WT is not the truth. She took our 1.5 year old son with her and lives at the moment at her parents place about 5 hours away.

So every second week I will go and visit. Probably during my visit she will try to take him to the meetings. So I think I will have to make it clear that when I visit I wanna spend some time with my son and not spend this time at meetings. When he gets older of course he can decide on his own. I hope I can do that without big argument.

The Searcher

Regardless of your views on what goes on at Kingdom Halls, (I agree with you!) your legal and moral position is this - the time you are allowed to spend with your children is YOUR time, nothing to do with your ex-wife. Ask her if she would mind if you took them from her during HER time, in order to take them to a Mormon religious service, and then you'll return them 2 hours later!!

I'm sure she will think this would be an amicable arrangement!! :)

skeeter1

First, get your attorney. Second, is the agreement in writing? If so, then you should have the children unless something terrible happens and you can't take care of them. Third, have activities planned with your children so it's impossible for her to pick them up.

And finally, show your ex-wife your concerns about how the the imperfect men inside the WTS who hide pedophiles who are also imperfect men, the incidents that have occurred. In particular, I am thinking about the many pedophiles that attached themselves to single, JW women because of the children. I am also thinking of the many JWs who molested kids during "rides" when their parents were not there. Show her newspaper and court reports. Silentlambs and watchtowerdocuments. will make it quicker research for you. Don't bash her religion, but just set it very clear that you have legitimate concerns about the children being with any other JW, but her.

gingerbread

Been through this too!

During the process of your divorce you and your ex would have a written custodial agreement. This is a legal document - a court order - that MUST be followed. Missunderstandings don't exist (or hold water) in court.

Does the ex have 'full custody' and you have 'visitation' every other weekend? Holidays are also divided and agreed upon with the custodial agreement.

Perhaps your pickle is that you both SHARE custody? While not legally related, if you pay child support then she has full custody.

It's time for you to visit with your divorce attorney again.

The Watchtower encourages a divorced parent, (her) family, congregational friends and the elders to actively be involved in keeping the children as Jehovah's Witnesses - primarily by getting them to the Kingdom Hall as much as possible. If you take them, your kids will be exposed to the pressure to make friends with other JW kids...and that's going to cause you long term problems.

ginger

Oubliette

Get an attorney and stand your ground. Do NOT let JWs, your ex-wife or any others, bully you.

Love your children.

Frazzled UBM

HOw have you been treated since you realized TTATT? Have you been d'fd, have you been shunned? You could certainly use your treatment by the congregation as reason to restrict your ex's ability to take them on the grounds it would be damaging to your relationship wiht your kids because of all the terrible things they will say about you at the KH - you could use the apostates are mentally diseased dictate from the WBTS as evidence of prejudice and discrimination against apostates.

Apostating

We don't have this arrangement written down. It just says that we agreed upon it. We are not at the stage that i need an attorney, i think i can use my own influence. I have been a jw for a long time, so i know their tactics. I did warn them that i am a single father, and won't back down.

I am really trying not to be cynical about it, not to get angry and just to deal with it. So i don't give them anything to go with.

The thing is i really am thinking also about what will have the best result in the long run. There must be a way to make the mind controlling counterproductive for them. Off course i can demand things and maybe get away with it. But i don't know if that is the way to go. I just want to be a good dad for them, that stood his ground.

Advice on children

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