Mail from my JW brother...

by Bruja-del-Sol 25 Replies latest members private

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  Bruja-del-Sol

  Can imagine that you've had sleepless nights over that, jgnat. Glad it worked out for you and that you could stay at safe distance. I think that's part of why I feel so happy in Spain, haha, far away from my mother and other JW family. And that's also one of the worries I've had when it comes to my brother... what am I pulling back into my life when he agrees to my condition of rebuilding our relationship?... I don't know!!!! It could work out positive, but it's not so sure that it will... it's a risk I'm taking with a very uncertain outcome.

  Pfffffff.... family....
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  jgnat

  Can't help but love them, LOL.

  I'm the oldest in my little nuclear family, but I married a man who was the youngest of a dozen. I'm used to being taken seriously but that doeesn't happen if everyone else thinks you are a kid. So when I visit his side of the family, I prepare to be ignored. I throw in a zinger once in a while to wake them up. They are all retirement age now and all they talk about is taxes and how the government is ripping them off. Puhleeezze hubby, get me out of here.
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  Bruja-del-Sol

  Oh I can relate to that too! I'm also the oldest of five (the three youngest are 9, 10 and 20 years younger than me!), but my hubby is the youngest of three and his sisters are the age of my mother (yup, retirement age)! Hubby was sort of a, welcome, 'accident' when his mom was 42. My MIL has passed away seven years ago, so now my oldest SIL is some sort of a 'mother/MIL' to us. And yes, she calls me 'child' and treats me like I'm 16... Exactly: "Can't help but love them"... haha
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  Incognito

  Bruja, You seem to be smart, realistic and reasonable so I only caution you to not get your hopes too high. While I appreciate the anxiety that you're feeling, there is little you can do if he's unwilling to accept your efforts so worrying over something you can't control is not doing you any good.

  I'm not wishing to be negative but keep in mind that your brother initiated the rift 12 years ago without concern for your happiness or welfare. He now has nothing to lose as he took the steps to cut you from hs life. He controls what he will accept and what he won't even if what he won't accept seems petty or juvinile.

  Although you are understandably desperate to re-establish a normal family relationship, he only seems "open" to communicating with you now and then from afar.

  You may find that he may appear to sabotage efforts to restore your relationship, possibly because he's not convinced that he should be talking with you or he may be feeling anxiety which he doesn't know how to deal with. He may be feeling conflict as he long ago believed it proper to remove you completely from his life when you were Df'd, yet now he is questioning and reconsidering that belief even though your status hasn't changed. The WT had him convinced that by shunning you, he would be showing you love to cause you to reconsider your actions and thereby return to being a JW. It's easy to see that didn't work in your case.

  After so many years of no interaction, he is now somewhat of a stranger to you and may not be the same person that you had known previously.
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  besty

  some truly outstanding advice on this thread - I wish there was a way to favourite this kind of stuff

  good luck!

  I have a brother shunning me and my family for over 6 years now.
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  Bruja-del-Sol

  @Incognito: thank you, the things you're saying right here are also things I've been thinking about the last week. I'm very much aware that I haven't written my reply only to my brother, but to a JW with a hardcore JW-mindset. So thanks for the warning, I'm not getting my hopes up, I'm just waiting what his response will be and then I'll see what will be the next step, if any.

  @Besty: it's hard sometimes, especially when you had a strong bond with your sibling. The best thing to do is just keep on living your life the way you choose, and remember the good times you've had with them. And when there's an opportunity to try if things can be changed somewhat, like me with my brother who suddenly thinks emailing 'might be allowed', just give it a go and expect nothing.

  I've got no brother in my life now, so the worst thing that can happen is that I continue not having my brother in my life. In that case nothing changes, but at least I've tried. And maybe I've planted a tiny little seed in his heart.