So, I eventually decided that this place wasn't the apostate hot bed I was led to believe ;-), (or maybe I am now an apostate! But I don't feel like one.).
I was brought up in "The Truth".
I loved it. I loved it. I loved the assemblies, the conventions, volunteering, the quickbuilds, the meetings, the field service, the social life.
I stress this because even now I am not really bitter about my experiences. Life's too short. I am a bit pissed off by the whole "you don't need University" line that I was fed as I would have loved to go to Uni. But Jehovah will make sure I have 'enough'. Probably.
So, I was almost a perfect JW.
Except I was gay. I knew from when I was very young.
Convinced this was my own doing, I prayed and prayed and prayed. I studied and studied, and watched all my friends get married and settle down.
Because they were allowed to do that, but, according to The Watchtower, I had a 'special challenge'. But with prayer I would be able to maintain my relationship with Jehovah.
Every so often, a Watchtower article would be about homosexuality, I remember an article called 'Something worse than AIDS' and there would be comments at the meeting about the disgusting practices of homosexuals.
Except, I knew that I wasn't disgusting. I wasn't promiscuous. I was, and still am, a pretty rubbish gay. I like real ale, chips and dislike exercise.
I wasn't one of those kind of gays. I was normal. And was learning repeatedly at the meetings that I had possibly committed the unforgivable sin, that fornicators may never truly be forgiven, oh, and that gay sex isn't the same as fornication. Perhaps.
I then started meeting blokes in public toilets. Bad, right?
And my conscience wouldn't let me do that kind of thing. I would go to the meeting on Sunday, answer during The Watchtower and try to hook up afterwards.
So I stopped going to the meetings, eventually met someone and the rest as they say, is history.
That was over ten years ago.
Now, I look at JW's as misguided. I think my family (Dad is an elder, brother is a Special Pioneer) are trapped in a beautiful, cruel lie.
I am single again, but I have found more sincere people in "The World" than I ever did when I was a JW.
I remember a sister in the hall gave me a lift home from work as it was raining. Next thing I know is I am being questioned about a brother and a sister being in a car, unchaperoned. What is it with JW's and their obsession that everyone is just waiting to have sex?
I am not angry about being brought up a JW. I liked that it made me a bit stubborn in some ways - I don't give in to peer pressure because I was brought up not to, and I think all of us ex-JWs have a unique view on life.
Life is pretty good, not because I am waiting for something better tomorrow, but because I am enjoying the life I have today.