Hello! i am 39 years old. I converted to the JWs when i was in middle school due to a witness in school and my family having issues at that time. i found instant friends and family at the kh. i pioneered out of HS, much to the chagrin of my well educated family, who all have at least Master's degrees. i got married. my sociopath husband became an elder fast, probably due to his charm and good speaking abilities, all the while committing fraud in his business activities. when i divorced at 30, i started "getting to know" the world a little, all the while still pioneering. but by that time i was barely going out in fs; i would make up a number every month when i turned my time in. I also started finishing my BA, which started opening my eyes even more, as i was actually thinking for myself for the first time in a long time. i met my current husband, who attended a spanish cong nearby. After 3 months if dating i became pregnant. We lied to the elders and were reproved. We got married right away. as soon as i realized i was expecting, i started analyzing how i was going to raise my child. i knew that i just couldnt raise him a Jw. i started fading immediately. i used sickness as an exuse a lot, even though i am healthy as a horse. i finished my degree that same year. When our second child came, i literally couldnt stomach the meetings anymore. I became inactive two years ago. my husband followed shortly after, although he still longs for the "truth", and feels like he will go back someday.
This year has been awesome. we had Easter at our house, birthday parties for the kids. my husband really protests, but ends up going and having a good time. He said he feels like a "mundanote" (a huge worldly guy). I have not shared with him much of how i feel or what i now believe. i would like to, but i am at a loss as to how or what to say. I am afraid that he will become defensive and clam up. the only thing i have shared with him is if one (or both) of our children was to be gay, i would never shun my own child just because of that or because he has chosen a different path in life.
Anyway, this website has been awesome. i hope to learn more about what and how to share withmy husband, who really is a great person.