by Frazzled UBM 57 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
I know when hubby is in the doghouse, silence is the last thing I need. He's hit on a winning formula of saying "I'm sorry" and "OK, OK, I get it" every thirty seconds until I relent. He's also learned it pays to nip it in the bud before I get really wound up.
Flowers and chocolate may be in order.
I don't think you went too far. Sometimes, there comes a point where something must be said. Your wife is the victim of a cult. As a husband and Father, I understand where you are coming from. Usually we bottle things up, thinking that NOT confronting the situation will promote peace in the home. Well, peace is not just the absence of war. You cannot have true peace in the home if you and your wife have an uneasy truce that erupts into a conflict at regular intervals.
I think you were correct to speak out. Perhaps you said something the wrong way, or could have worded it better? Who knows? Sometimes people need a bitch-slap of truth. You must get them to confront reality. The WTBTS is saying that everything that you have done with regards to education is demon inspired. Had you only went to school for 3, not 4 years, you would have been ok. They are self-righteous Pharisees who have no clue what it takes to provide for a family. They live off of the labor of others. Not one of them would dare get a job and support their ministry like the 1st century Christians.
I think you should:
1) Tell your wife that you love her no matter what. [ unconditional love is what she really needs and does NOT get from the ORG.] That REAL love may be what wakes her up.
2) If the problem persists, go to JWfacts or other places. Get your thoughts in order. invite the Elders over and respectfully confront them on the subject of higher education. Take it to them. The burden of proof is on them, which they cannot provide. Make it clear that YOUR job pays for the party. Ask them if they want to financially support your wife's pioneering or service. They will more than likely refuse to meet, or constantly contradict themselves during the meeting. Either way, this will be an awesome witness for your child and your wife. It's YOUR HOUSE BRO!!
That's my 2 cents. I think you did the right thing. Sure, it wasn't easy and feelings got hurt, but it will get easier.
Hmmm, so her service is in the evening and she is going out in field service until.
Her meeting time might be changing in the new year. This has been the habit of the KH's my hubby has attended. If so, field service will fall afterwards and then my idea will work.
If you've pushed too hard, back off for awhile and see what happens.
It is not fair. You worked very hard for your degrees and resulting career. She married you so she did not find you so evil. It is a cult. My father was a zealot JW and my brother became an underground Maoist. The words might be different but the mindset was the same. My brother could only parrot Maoist writings. He was not his self. It was horrifying. You know you can't force someone out of a cult without going to prison for kidnapping and deprogramming. Your anger shows you are human. I don't know if I could restrain myself. You must be more invested in your education and career than she is with the Witnesses.
My brother left after decades. We don't know what happpened b/c he refuses to even begin to discuss it. Therapists said that cults deliberately recruit vulnerable people. He is very bright. The emotional ties to the cult must be very strong. We don't have many dealings with him. He has returned to his basic personality. I am concerned about the mere threat of a kidnapping. It is a low blow. I could not treat the spouse in the same manner as before. It is a threat to terrorize you. It also threatens to violate the law.
You are absolutely right to be upset with her, however you seem to be learning your limitations. You respect her rights to go, and no doubt provide the means of her support to do so, then you find out the JW bat-shit crazy cult leaders are shitting on you for having an education, and basically teaching your wife to not have that as a goal for your child together. Good luck working it out.
DD and BOTR - thanks for your support. I know I am on solid ground in my criticism of the organisation's doctrine re higher eduction and I sent a follow-up email pointing to the language (courtesy of a post here about the WT study) to exploain why I felt insulted by it. Unfortuantely my victory in the realm of logic counts for nothing in the battle with the organisation to win the hearts and minds of my wife. In that regard it was a tactical and strategic disaster. So now I am taking stock and trying to devise a new and improved strategy along the lines proposed by Ding and just hoping that I have not screwed things up irrevocably.
Hi Frazzled UBM, From your description it sounds like your liife is financially secure, so why haven't you at least called/seen a professional cult-exit councilor like Steve Hassan or one of his coaches? Many members of JWN give good advice, but you could get way better advice by contacting Steve Hassan through his website www.freedomofmind.com by telling your story to him and also relieving your pent up frustrations.
As far as reducing conflict with your wife, help your wife to become involved in hobbies that are time consuming and will help her make non-jw friends who she shares common interests. What does your wife like to do? If you don't know, ask her. On meeting days make dates/appointments with your wife before and after the meetings to reduce the time that your wife is spending with JWs.
If your wife is from the Phillippines, she may be going to the KH for social reasons and not spiritual reasons. Have you searched for any filipino cultural centers/churches in your community?
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
Sorry to read what you're going through. I think your wife was bang out of line threatening to take your son away. I've spent 5 years going to court to get access to my son and take it from me she would need your written permission to take your son out of the country, without said permission it would be classed as kidnap. All the same, and this is just my opinion. If anyone, ever! threatend to take my son out of my life for good I'd go straight to a solicitor and I'd also consider if that was the kind of person I wanted to spend my life with, someone who found it acceptble for me to live under threat of loosing my child.
If anyone, ever! threatend [sic] to take my son out of my life for good I'd go straight to a solicitor and I'd also consider if that was the kind of person I wanted to spend my life with, someone who found it acceptble [sic] for me to live under threat of loosing [sic] my child.
^^ This.
You sound too intelligent a man to submit to emotional abuse (the threat of kidnap of your child), and to the manipulation of tears.
