Interview with an Apostate: Anthony Morris III (Parody Thread)

by falseprophet 4 Replies latest social humour

  • falseprophet
    falseprophet

    Tell us a little about yourself and your family.

    . I am Anthony Morris III. I currently run a book publishing company in New York that pays no tax. Currently I use the username falseprophet as I feel this is fitting.

    Were you a born in or a convert?

    . Both. I don't believe in black and white thinking.

    Are your parents / family JWs?

    . My father, whose name is Jehovah is my only parent. I have siblings. About 7 million of them, in more lands than than there are countries in the world. Hence, why I say "lands" and not "countries".

    How many generations have been JWs?

    . Overlapping.

    Did you hold any position in the WTS? (MS, Elder etc...)

    . Governing Body. Evidently, I have to die to get any higher.

    Did you *really* believe in the bible, in spirits (angels, demons)?

    . Hahahahahahaha! No.

    Did you get baptised? When and why?

    . You have to be baptised to get to the top.

    What was the initial trigger that made you start questioning things?

    . I didn't question things. That was Brother Splane! He questioned "generations" and came up with "overlapping generations", I have never laughed to hard in my life! When the rest of the Governing Body dared him to put it in the Watchtower, we never thought he would! Evidently, he proved us wrong!

    Where did you find information? Internet sites? Books?

    . The 2025 prophecy hasn't been put in print yet, so I can't talk about it.

    How difficult or painful was the process of leaving?

    . Oh, I haven't left yet. In 2025, when the prophets are resurrected back to earth to live in a mansion, I will leave to live in the other mansion built. Apparently, historians haven't realised that accidently the years went from 699AD to 800AD, missing out a complete century! That means 1914 was actually only 1814. Clearly this means that Rutherford was right and he was one hundred years early! This is exactly the same as when they forgot about the year zero meaning everythign was one year out, only this time it is 100 years out! They fell for it last time...

    Was it a big dramatic exit or a careful quiet fade?

    . It will be a quiet fade. I don't want to 'rank & file' to know about Beth Sarim II for Anthony Morris III. It's all a numbers thing to confuse them. We like numbers.

    Did you convince anyone else to leave with you?

    . I will. I'll need to convince some of the cleaners. And some chefs too. Hmmm, bacon. I love a bit of unclean animal! Like some of the other Bethelites haha!

    How were your family relations affected by your decision?

    . Since my wife is staying in Bethel when I move out, she won't be happy.

    Were you or are you still being shunned by those who didn't leave?

    . I imagine the other Governing Body members will try to shun me. It will be difficult for them, seeing me in my luxury mansion with my two expensive Cadillacs while they have to remain in Bethel. Plus, they are getting cheap Fords next year! Oh, I'll be shunned alright!

    How long have you now been out?

    . Oh, it's a few years before I leave. 2025 to be exact.

    Was there anything you looked forward to doing when you left?

    . When I leave, I look forward to not having to listening to Gerrit Losch waffling on about he is the longest serving GB member! For God's sake. Sorry, shouldn't say that, but he really goes on about it. He's not God, you know!

    What are you most proud of achieving since you left?

    . I haven't left yet but I have one goal to acheive when I do leave. I would really like to learn the names of all the Governing Body members of Jehovah's Witnesses. I don't know them all at the moment but it is something I would love to learn. Most active Jehovah's Witnesses don't know their names, so I would really like to learn them. How many of them are there?

    Is there anything you miss about life in the congregation?

    . Oh yes. Governing Body meetings are soooooo boring! Meetings are great. I remember once after a meeting when I committed a sin after seeing a sisters ankle in pantyhose. You don't get to see much of that in Bethel. That image stayed with me for years.

    Red pill or blue pill? Do you regret waking up to reality at all?

    . I'm not sure what these are. Are these the pills the Bethelites often take for depression?

    Did you become an atheist or transfer your faith elsewhere?

    . What faith? I've always been an atheist.

    How do you now feel about religion in general?

    . How can I disagree with our founders. Religion is a snare and a racket. Have you heard the new Kingdom Melodies? Snare and racket describes them perfectly!

    Do you feel any guilt celebrating xmas or birthdays or doing any other JW "no-no"s?

    . No. All the GB celebrate. Have you ever seen Samuel Herd drunk? He is hilarious! Once (and I am *not* joking), he got so drunk, we dared him to run around the block without wearing .... I know you are going to be shocked by this, so brace yourself. Seriously, without wearing his tie! Lol! There he was in a suit, shirt and posh shoes but without a tie...and he ran around the block where everyone could see him! It's the funniest thing I have ever seen because his shirt wasn't white.

    Have you attended any face-to-face meetups of ex-JWs?

    . No, I personally have not met Satan. Unless you mean Geoffrey Jackson LMAO!

    Describe your circle of friends - mostly other ex-JWs or regular people?

    . Seriously - I thought ex-JWs were regular people?

    Do you tell people about your JW past?

    . I try not to tell people about my JW current!

    Do you feel animosity or pity toward current JWs?

    . Not really. They pay all my bills.

    How do you respond to witnesses when they call at your door?

    . I invite them in. I point out where they didn't clean properly last time they came. They always do a good job after that.

    Storm the barricades or tend to the wounded? (do you favor activism or support)

    . Activism. Disfellowship, disfellowship and disfellowship is my secret motto. Got to keep it clean! Especially my room. Dust. Dust. Dust.

    What do you think is the most effective approach to reaching people still in?

    . Pull at the heart strings. Anything that can get them to put a dollar into the contribution box. (Note, we also accept Euros, Pounds, Kronor, Yen, Yuan, Forint, Shilling, Peso, Rupee, Zloty, Baht and many other currencies. Also credit cards, debit cards, bank transfers, cheques, cash, and soon ... PayPal)

    Do you think the WTS can or should be destroyed, will continue on as-is or grow / change?

    . Continue. Thank you. I need my shirts ironing Especially the white ones.

    How has your life been impacted by your JW past?

    . Well, without it, I would have to iron my own clothes. So overall I think it has improved things.

    Are there things in your life you blame the WTS for?

    . Yes. I had to iron my clothes from 2002-2005 because of that stupid Stephen Lett. He didn't want be on the GB but Pierce and Herd saw to that. Oh, and Splane was drunk again. I think that helped in the vote.

    JW upbringing - a protection or a curse?

    . A curse, obviously. You are picked on at school, judged in the congregation and hated by your own parents. But God loves you. And what is most important? Clearly, God's love is the most important thing. Yes, the God that designed you to poo, but forgot to design the toilet. That one. So loving and kind. Except for that wasp sting on my knob. I'm sure he could have prevented that. Right before my talk in Los Angeles too. I had just looked at a sisters ankle in pantyhose when it attacked. That will be it. Cause and effect, right?

    How do you fill your time now b it's not filled with meetings and field service?

    . That's a benefit of not being 'Rank & File'! I don't do those boring meetings and I am photoshopped into field service pictures for magazines and brochures.

    Do you still have an interest in JW beliefs and doctrines?

    . Oh no. It's all nonsense. As long as the money rolls in, I'll be part of it. Why not?

    How much of your time is still spent on JW related matters?

    . Very little. I posed for a photograph recently, but I'm sure they'll photoshop me into the ministry or something, even though I was playing golf! Roflmao! They are so clever with this stuff in Bethel.

    What do you think of the ex-JW community?

    . They are so funny. Especially that one called 'falseprophet' - He makes me laugh! Did you see what he wrote about Lett! OMG! Lol!

    Do you see yourself still being associated with the ex-JW community in 5 or 10 years time?

    . Probably. I'm thinking of setting up an ex-JW charity and diverting the funds, so it would make sense to keep in contact. I need my shirts ironing and someone has to pay for it.

    Do you fear the future?

    . No. With the third version of the New World Translation being penned at the moment, I feel this will be known as my translation. They will see me as a God and anything I say, they will do. Anthony Morris III of New World Translation III. God.

    What advice would you give to anyone starting the journey of leaving the WTS?

    . Put all your money in the contribution box. Sell your house and put the money in the contribution box too. Cash in your pension and put it in the contribution box. Sell your car and contribute it. (See Watchtower Bible and Tract Society publications 1965-1975). Please leave bankrupt. I need my underpants ironing at least twice before wearing them again. These things don't come free.

    What would you change in your life if you could go back and talk to yourself?

    . Seriously? I would go back and not make Mark Sanderson a Governing Body member. Jesus, he is irritating! (Sorry, shouldn't have said that!). Anyway, he is a total idiot. He thinks some of the doctrine "might" be wrong and bangs on about it all the time! "Might" be wrong? What an idiot! It isn't even close to being right! Fortunately, all the other GB see him for what he is and stick to the doctrines that bring the money in.

    Do you have any regrets about life since you left?

    . Oh, the mansion? It's due to start being built next year.

    Can we read your life-story anywhere? (links to online or books)

    . There are bits and pieces on my life. Jw.org(asm). Lol! Sanderson dared me to do that! Roflmao! I mean jw.org.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    If you are prepared to share you history (mine is too unique but will be shared one day):

    http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/267903/1/Interview-with-an-Apostate-Template

  • KateWild
    KateWild

    LOL! I enjoyed that false prophet. A good laugh well done. Sam xx

  • breakfast of champions
    breakfast of champions

    This is funny!

  • scary21
    scary21

    Great ! loved it...............ha

  • LisaRose
    LisaRose

    Good job, very funny

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