Tell us a little about yourself and your family.
I am married, father of three children and living in the wet country called The Netherlands. I work in sales selling hardware and solutions for businesses (no consumers). I have a lot of experience in retail as well but most of my experience is in B2B sales. (it looks like I am applying for a job here :D).
Were you a born in or a convert?
I was a born-in. My parents became JWs a couple of years before I was born. They married quickly and I was sort of an accident. The conception took place one month after marriage. O dear...
Are your parents / family JWs?
My dad is JW to the bone. My mom was untill she died. The rest of the family are JW's still... I am actually the only son who has unofficially broken with the JW's. My wife is still a JW and probably will stay that way her entire life. Same with my family in laws.
How many generations have been JWs?
2nd generation... as some therapists say it is probably the worst generation to be in (never been to a therapist for this situation but I know some who did ;)).
Did you hold any position in the WTS? (MS, Elder etc...)
No, although they wanted me to be. They considered me strange but wise and wanted me to be a MS or Elder but I always thought it was not my place
Did you *really* believe in the bible, in spirits (angels, demons)?
Yes I did... it is not strange though since when you get raised in a religion and believe it themselves and do nothing else you will get attached by that zeal. I truly believed it was truth and had no reasons to doubt it. At least... not in the earlier years of my life. I believed the bible and the persons within it. So it was not strange for me to get strange nightmares and being afraid of unholy angels and in awe of a allknowing God.
Did you get baptised? When and why?
Yes I did get baptised at the age of 16. My father always asked... you are at this age already and still not baptised? So there was a certain pressure. I must say that I was more of a child really. In some respects I really wasn't as well developed as other youths (even within the organisation) and although I knew almost everything of the bible and watchtower stuff I was totally unstable in other situations. I failed almost everything (swimming and first aid) in elementary school and in both situations I was the only one. It was only the paper I did not get though... I CAN swim (quite well actually) and I have shown in crisis situations that I know what to do. The baptism was the only thing I did not fail in :P
What was the initial trigger that made you start questioning things?
When I became older I understood that there was a lot of sadness and truly unpleasant things in the organisation. Whenever I visited other halls to "get together" I noticed that a lot of youth were struggling. I helped them by listening and giving them advice. On the downside it became a heavy burden to know of all these problems. For some reason it seemed strange to know so many people who were assaulted and having other sexual "preferences" while being in the "truth". Also the lack of love was bugging my mind... I saw so many families that were just "fucked up" including mine. I could hardly imagine this could be the truth. So it slowly developed something. Years later one of the final straws was a watchtower which in my opinion was so damn hypocritical that I could not stand it any longer. It was talking about good old CTR who refound his faith by hearing songs from a baptist church. DAFUQ? God needed babylon to get his "people" on track?
Where did you find information? Internet sites? Books?
I found a lot of information just by going to encyclopedia… the watchtower uses a lot of timelines and these were not acknowledged by any outside information. Also I was asking brothers in the congregation about the situation but never got really satisfying answers. They could not answer it because there is no answer. After that I read CoC and the revelations inside that book were a confirmation for me. Not an eye-opener but a confirmation.
How difficult or painful was the process of leaving?
The process is still going on. I am officially still in although I do not visit meetings. I scarcely visit assemblies but this weekend will probably the first I will miss. I can say that it is painful because there is a sort of vacuum… I do not have many real friends (next to my wife that is) and time has shown me that in most cases it is conditional. I feel alone sometimes and therefore I am getting drained and tired. My lust to live is on ultimate lows sometimes. It is a strange feeling to be ignored by some although still quite a lot are nice to me.
Was it a big dramatic exit or a careful quiet fade?
It was dramatic in a way that I suddenly just “stopped”… for the rest it was not really that dramatic.
Did you convince anyone else to leave with you?
No… I didn’t… I have talked about my doubts of course to family but to others I always “weigh” my words. The one time I talked to a friend about my doubts it was directly “game over” so I am more aware of that now.
How were your family relations affected by your decision?
It was not really shocking for my wife but it WAS frustrating (for both me and her) to talk about religion. We therefore just do not talk about it. I do not see a reason to it as well since I think it is best to respect someones believes. Only if people ask why I will tell them why I came to a decision to leave religion altogether. Since I have been doing that instead of focussing on JW I feel a lot better and a lot less hatefull. JW’s are just the same as other zealous people… and therefore I can not blame them too much for being mislead. It helped me trying to understand and it helped me to be less offensive.
Were you or are you still being shunned by those who didn't leave?
I am shunned by some… but most do act pretty "normal". It would be different if I was DF/DA-ed which in some cases still wish would have happened. It might throw a bomb under my relationship especially if my in-laws would strictly follow the rules. In that scenario I would probably go my own way and it would create such a gap that it would be better to get separated. That is the main reason I am still officially "in"
How long have you now been out?
I have been out for 1.5 years now.
Was there anything you looked forward to doing when you left?
What I mostly enjoy is the freedom. I can read whatever I want to read. If I want to read a religious book or whatever I just go and check it out. I do not have the urge to suddenly do things I would not have done when I was a witness although I understand it if other people do.
What are you most proud of achieving since you left?
The only thing I am proud of is the fact that I choose my destiny for the first time in my life. That is how it felt. I still feel lonely but the feeling of taking control of your own life is excellent!
Is there anything you miss about life in the congregation?
I miss friends… I miss some people… what I do not miss is the boring meetings… sticking yourself into a suit after you get home etc etc. The “changing” cloths act you have to pull off all these times was just irritating my ass off! I mean… changing yourself three or four times a day? Get real!
Red pill or blue pill? Do you regret waking up to reality at all?
Red… Reality above all
Did you become an atheist or transfer your faith elsewhere?
Firstly I felt I was becoming a Christian… I was attracted to the “love” part of the Gospels and sometimes still get emotional because of some teachings… but after a while, when I continued studying the nature and the backgrounds of the holy books I started to believe that it was just one of many great or lesser great stories. My eyes opened up and saw the real deal behind the bible: tyranny, bloodlust, powerhunger etc. The WT once taught us that people become the same as the God they follow. I really do not see many difference between a Zeus or a Yahweh now.
So … am I an atheist? No I am not … I DO believe we are created… but we are too small in this total universe to make a very big difference in the plans of a God. Imo he created the universe and started and regulated it by laws of fysics and laws of nature. You see what happens if we do not respect these laws: earth will puke us out but will exist… until the sun dies and implodes in 50.000 years. What happens with us? I do not know… I stopped pretending I do know it all. I am now humble enough to say that I do not know.
How do you now feel about religion in general?
Religion is Opium to the People. I always stated it was not the case but to be honest I now truly think it is. Take religion away from people is just as hard or maybe even harder then taking away dope from a drugaddict. They get violent when you try to do so… defend what they have at all costs. The beliefsystem is built like that by people who are smart enough to gain followers that way. That is how it starts. That is how religion works. Religion is an evil drug…
Do you feel any guilt celebrating xmas or birthdays or doing any other JW "no-no"s?
I do not celebrate them but if I would I would not feel guilty.
Have you attended any face-to-face meetups of ex-JWs?
No although I truly love to do so.
Describe your circle of friends - mostly other ex-JWs or regular people?
…
Do you tell people about your JW past?
Yes I do when it comes in handy… No I don’t if it doesn’t
Do you feel animosity or pity toward current JWs?
I feel this: people should do whatever makes them happy. Some people that are JW’s are just entirely happy… I am not the person to take their happiness away. I feel pity for those who are UNHAPPY but not able to get their asses out of the situation. Those I pity and would support if I could.
How do you respond to witnesses when they call at your door?
They know where I live and I live in the same territory. They are always welcome to visit and fetch a coffee… I then have a social chat without talking about theology.
Storm the barricades or tend to the wounded? (do you favor activism or support)
It depends on my mood but I am more a supporter then a activist.
What do you think is the most effective approach to reaching people still in?
“Revenge is like drinking salt water” is a Japanese saying. You will always be thirsty. Imo you must just be a nice guy/lass and show them that you are not an evil apostate. You fetch more people with honey. At the end we will all be the same… we will all claim the same amount of ground and we will all be dead. So it is always good to make life as it is as nice as it is. For yourself and others.
Do you think the WTS can or should be destroyed, will continue on as-is or grow / change?
I think it can be destroyed but the question is: would it be wise to put so much effort? It will continu to grow but less steady.
How has your life been impacted by your JW past?
A lot of course… I have spent 34/35 years in a cult… I have been bullied by schoolmates AND JW’s… It made me who I am… So yeah… it has impacted it a lot!
Are there things in your life you blame the WTS for?
Do I blame them? I do blame them for making a fantasy and letting people believe it in such an extend that they waste time and energy in this life. Some asked me: “what if you are wrong and Armageddon comes… it would be so sad for your kids to have no father” … what they forget is the other question: what if YOU are all wrong. I know now that it never occurs in the mind of a JW. So I blame that on them. The shunning of people would be a other one I could blame them for although it is mostly a decision of a person themselfes. A true loving person would love you no end. I do not think a cult is strong enough to totally take love away.
JW upbringing - a protection or a curse?
I think it is both. It DOES try to protect from harm (there is nothing wrong with some advice) but it is also a curse because it creates a big gap with the reality. Some are not able to go to college or school for example because they have learned that from the society. So in that case it is a curse.
How do you fill your time now it's not filled with meetings and field service?
I play games… do some work when my wife and kids go to the hall… cleaning up the house (yes I am a modern man :P)
Do you still have an interest in JW beliefs and doctrines?
Definitely a NO for me
How much of your time is still spent on JW related matters?
Nothing… absolutely nothing
What do you think of the ex-JW community?
They are hatefull fuckers (JK) … they are nice people in general. I think that some have to grow up though. I mean: talking about 1914 and 1975 gets a bit tiresome when you have read if dozens of times… get over it… you KNOW it is not true and now it is time to get your ass moving and continu with the rest of your life.
Do you see yourself still being associated with the ex-JW community in 5 or 10 years time?
I do not know… I feel a ex-JW but at the end you must feel something different. Ex-JW gives to much credit to past things. I prefer to be a “normal” human instead in a couple of years.
Do you fear the future?
No… I have nothing to fear… not if there IS a God, Neither if there ISN’T. I sometimes think: IF Armageddon WOULD come and God would suddenly appear in the heavens and shouts at me that he will kill me in the most frantic and most horrible way I think I would say: Dear God, here is my life… take it and do whatever you want. I have no fear for that or any other situation.
What advice would you give to anyone starting the journey of leaving the WTS?
My advice is to go for the whole deal. The history of WTS is not even that important. This beliefsystem is built on a other book. If you debunk the book… you debunk EVERYTHING that is attached to it. WTS is just one of the weeds. In order to get all the religious weed out: debunk the core, the roots. Same for Quran or Book of Mormon or other holy books. Debunk them… and throw it in the trash afterwards.
What would you change in your life if you could go back and talk to yourself?
The more I think about it… the more absurd the question actually is. NEVER look back… ALWAYS look forward. Your life lies AHEAD… You see? Life is about acceptance ... and deeds. Even if you are old you can still make something of your life.
Do you have any regrets about life since you left?
No regrets… they only hurt ;)
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