How many Un-Believing Mates (UBMs) are on here?

by The Song Remains The Same 19 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • jgnat

    Where elders get off thinking they can insert themselves in a marriage like this is beyond me. It sounds like you are on the right course. If the elder tries throwing his weight around, put him in his place. You have not made any covenent with his organization.

  • jgnat

    Oh, and I want to know if he brings up Matthew 24:47. If he does, ask him who the ten virgins are? If he says it's just a parable....zing!

  • TheSophist

    It's tough. At times I have thought about divorce. Fortunately for me my wife enjoys the benefits of being married to a "Worldly Person" (I lol everytime I hear that term and then I get angry and punch a pompous elder or GB member in the face in my mind and lol again. )

    I have given up on the long debates and trying to forcefully get her out of the cult. Now I simply point things out here and there and give her materials for her meetings before her precious "spiritual shepards".

    I think the best thing I ever did was break it down hour by hour and showed her that it takes a 15 hours a week to do the bare minimum required as a witness. Since that she sporadically skips studying and skips some door knocking. This worked because we struggle as two working stiffs to find the time to do all of lifes more mundane chores and she sees how much of an imposition this is but will not say it of course.

  • nonjwspouse

    UBM here, he was born in, not baptised, out in his teens....then began studying and meeting attendance again in his late 40s with the plan to get baptised.

    This reintrest of his was not anywhere on my radar when we married. I was so nieve, and thought the JW were just quirky and that's all. I did initial cursury reading up on them, getting the usual sanitised stuff and stopped there. he said he wasnt going to go back in. Until...... he jumped in with "zeal" a few years ago. Our marriage almost didn't survive.

    He has taken a break for almost a year now, but I see him going back again. But hoping that by now enough has been said that he has seeds of doubt that might just grow. He knows our marriage will suffer if he gets baptised.

    So I wait...and it is NOT easy. I have to find outlets like here, and try to concentrate on myself and our child. I also "love bomb" him when I can.

    I learned to keep the news out of the house, off the TV not to tell him any negative things on the news. ( I think Glen Beck might have been part of what pushed him back !)

    As I just read on a fantastic blog....Life is not easy, and life is even harder when living with a JW.

  • Libelle

    What blog was that?

  • UBM101

    Married to an inactive JW (I hope it is fading forever and ever).

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    I'm the UBM. In today's society, that makes me the normal one.

    She is the one that has to cope.

  • Frazzled UBM
    Frazzled UBM

    As my tag shows - I am a UBM and have been struggling with that status like most of you and can relate to a lot of what you other UBMs have written above. I am encouraged to see so many UBM brothers and sisters (sorry but couldn't help appropriating that bit of JWspeak) here.

    The Song Remains the Same (I am of an age that I understand that Led Zeppelin reference - I owned the album) - I really understand what you say about how maddening and frustrating it is to watch how the WBTS phobia indoctrination f'cks with our loved ones pysches and rationality and how we have to sit back and watch because there is nothing that we can say that will get through to them. What I have learned thanks to the wise counsel of jgnat and others is to stop trying to use logic and instead to use love and understanding as a way to show her who it is who really cares about her and make her want to prefer to spend time with me and my son rather than at meetings. This seems to be working as she has been missing her Sunday meeting and field work more than she has been going. But as jgnat says this can pose problems in itself as she doesn't announce this in advance so my son and I have to adjust our Sunday activities to accomodate her and she spends the first part of the day feelign guilty about not going - still I prefer this to her getting another does of indoctrination.

    Could all you UBMs say where you live so we can see about getting together in the real world (as opposed to cyberspace)? I live in London and I know jgnat is in Canada. What about everybody else?

    Simon - any chance for a UBM folder on JWN so we can chat about UBM specific issues and encourage more UBMs to sign up?

  • nonjwspouse

    Frazzled I like that idea of a specific area for the UBM to go to. I wish I had the know how to start a forum myself, but alas, I am not quite so techo abled.

    Libelle, is excellent. I know there are more.

    Borean Pickets is interesting as they seem to be active JW but it is an area where they question or debate doctrine.

  • stillin

    I'm an unbelieving mate. I still accompany my wife to meetings and assemblies, though. Freedom is a state of mind. It just hasn't seemed fair to her that she would lose her friend and companion for these things, although field service is out of the question.

    so far, the elders are friendly and not applying much pressure. I think that's because they know I've had a tough go of it with my wife, who has had a couple of meltdowns. I deserve some consideration for what I've put up with!

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